Those who are single - what do you do on the weekends?

[Splitsunrise]

Especially during Friday and Saturday nights!

I don’t have loads of single friends, everyone seems to be with their OH most of the time and am anticipating it being really lonely. Do you do hobbies, just go out and do things by yourself, or try and make new friends? Do you just get used to your own company?

Sorry if it’s a stupid question, just last time I was in this situation I found it really difficult to manage and ended up feeling very depressed.

Go to the cinema - theatre - Sunday concerts - volunteering - baking/cooking a nice dinner - reading in the bath - grocery shopping which I actually enjoy - flower market - exhibition - whatever I fancy doing. And don't have to compromise or consult anyone else!
If you want to go on a long country walk, just go - find a nice pub or make a few sandwiches. Then browse a few AIBU mother-in-law stories and be grateful that no old bat is making demands on your time.

What do you enjoy doing?
I think it's tricky for some of us to answer because we're fairly introverted and actually like time alone

It's a different perspective entirely if you're lonely. But I found most of my best social networks through joining clubs/activity groups for things I wanted to do anyway - then friendships just developed naturally

@lilyjade There is nowhere more self-obsessed than gym and nobody is being horrible about you - why would they be? - they haven't even registered that you're there!
Of course, your friends do what they want to do - so should you! It sounds like there's plenty going on, so enjoy it.

Friends, family, hobbies, going to stay with friends who live further away, the odd quiet day sorting out my flat or just lying around. Weekends are never long enough to do all the things I want to do!

I've been a single empty-nester for six months or so, and it has been great. I am pretty happy in my own company, and have a dog I walk every day, as well as catching up with local friends fairly regularly, but I have also been going to the gym more, going to the cinema/theatre (solo or with friends), going away for weekends, inviting old friends to stay for weekends, and so on. It may help that at my age (early 50s) a growing number of my friends no longer need to be so hands-on with childcare, and are often happy to do things without their partners; if you are a lot younger, friends in your age group may be more tied up with young families or newer relationships.

I have also joined meetup.com, which has lots of things like book groups and walking groups you can try out. There is usually no need to commit to regular participation, you can usually just sign up for one walk or whatever when you feel like it, and I have found the age range much wider than I expected (20s to 70s).

I feel like a total loser if I’ve asked people if they’re free and they have other plans, or don’t reply, and I feel so lonely by myself!

That’s we’re meet-ups works well, as it’s other people that are free at the weekends, make friends with other people

I’m not single now, but I’ve had more than my share of weekends as a singleton.
I used to enjoy time at home. Go on blind dates, meet up with old friends. Go to singles meet ups. It’s your call, do something about it. Honestly, I had a week off work (no car) I had 14 ‘blind dates’ . It was fun, weird, but kinda fun. Don’t hold back.

Forgot to say, weekends when I finished work on Friday, didn’t speak to anyone until work again on Monday morning were not fun. But I did it. Honestly, get on a meet up or blind date sight. You’re not looking for romance, just some social life.

This weekend I went out to dinner with family on Friday night, then a walk and watched the rugby with friends in the pub Saturday afternoon, then back to theirs for curry in the evening. Today I have ridden my horse, done some house work, had a snooze, went for a walk and now just watching tv. Pretty standard. I have a lot of friends and family I am close to and go out at least three times a week so never lonely.

@Splitsunrise Don't forget that famous, rich, cool people spend time alone too. It's not the territory of the sad and lonely. People in relationships/with kids desperately crave it, often. It's high value stuff. And learning how to appreciate does wonders for the self esteem. Nobody's free? Whatever the fuck. Don't need 'em anyway! Get into a crap relationship? Just walk away. Don't need 'em! Friend pissing you off? Don't need 'em!

Being rock solid alone is way cooler than needing lots of friends to keep your boat afloat.

@katy1213 Thanks for your suggestions I will try a walk by myself but I'm in London so it takes a fair bit of effort to get out! Plus with the weather being so rubbish it doesn't seem worth it since it's a long trip!

@Eckhart I know, I definitely need to be a lot better at being happy by myself. I just can't shake the feeling lonely/like a loser feeling! Ironically enough I actually love being by myself when it's a choice I've made for an afternoon or something - like if people have already invited me somewhere and I've decided I'd rather not, or if I am joining up with people later. But I think when it's my only option I hate it and get so panicked.

@PeterPanGoesWrong 14 blind dates!!!! That sounds exhausting!

I find weekends pretty depressing tbh OP. I usually have to have my weekend planned with as much as possible or I am liable to get quite low.

Read a book cover to cover before getting out of bed, cuddle my cats, visit my Mum, facetime my far flung besties if they're about, see local friends if they're about, go for walks, spend time in my studio, work on my business, make stuff, craft classes, beach time, pebble hunting, more reading, cooking, baking, taking photos for me instead of for clients, paint my nails, have a long bath, go for a drive and find somewhere to explore, take myself out for Sunday lunch or a cuppa in a cafe somewhere, snooze by the (fake, sadly, but still cosy) fire, write in my journal, daydream... My list is genuinely endless and I have accepted I'll never fit it all in 😂

Honestly it's a mindset thing. Maybe try making a list of all the things you'd like to try and then working through them?

When I was in a day job I used to also do groceries etc at weekends but they were never long enough for all the glorious stuff I wanted to pack into my life!

Now I think as well as being self employed, I'm busier than my friends who have jobs and partners and kids 😂

@splitsunrise I'm in London, too. Bloody hell, there is no better city to walk in - and nowhere better to be single! There's more free stuff to do than you'd have anywhere else in the country. Get on the Tube, pick an area you're not familiar with and just walk. Go to Richmond or Hampton Court and walk along the river. Go and see the kimonos at the V&A or whatever turns you on. I know the weather is crap but pick a sunny morning and go to Chelsea Physic Garden. Go to a talk at the British Library. If you're choosing to stay in and be bored, then you've no-one to blame but yourself. It doesn't take effort - it takes standing up and putting your coat on. You could be living in some dead-end small town where nothing happens and there's a bus once a week to somewhere you don't want to go!

I joined a walking group and there's a walk organised every Sunday, which has been a great way to meet people. When I lived in London there were groups doing walks from the Time Out books every Weds and Sat - everyone meets at X train station at X time and off you go.

I also do craft workshops on the weekend - done weaving and acrylics and pottery so far. There are so many in London and they're great fun, plus you can be a complete beginner.

I'm very happy in my own company (always been single apart from a couple of times) and I love my weekends, but I have definitely known that feeling of loneliness you describe.

I am not single now but before dh I lived alone for years and years. I hated sharing with people other than someone I was in a relationship with. I somehow always managed to fill weekends and was busy all the time. Not always with other people but learning to be self reliant / happy in your own company is a great life skill.

In your position, being in London and foot loose and fancy free at weekends, I would make a couple of weekend a month 'adventures' - if you have a travel card you can 'be a tourist' in your own city!

Pick an area you don't know at all and spend the week researching things to see / do there. For me that would be a gallery or museum or building of interest. I would then plan my day around it by researching the best place for coffee in that area, a nice place to eat lunch or a park for a walk or a picnic, weather depending. A glass of beer / wine after seeing the museum etc and then home to some nice food.

You have SO many things to see and do in London. Do a history walking tour, I did the Tower of London one and it was excellent, really fun.

Do a life drawing class, or bread baking etc

Spend a morning browsing in a luxury shop like Liberty, ask for sample of the perfume, do lots of research spending as much time as you like in the jewellery department (can you tell that this is my dream!) Have a fancy coffee in there and people watch.

Go to the V&A and see the kiminos - I'd also love that!

Be brave and invite some people you don't know all that well to lunch / dinner and practice making something nice - it's a good way to break the ice and move a friendship to another level. I did lots of this when I lived alone. I invited friends who didn't know each other to a casual dinner on a saturday night and then that made it easier to suggest meeting for a drink or cinema or theatre on other times.

I think it really will come down to you having to make the changes

Usually
Friday: ride 2/3 horses for people (side hustle) or go to comedy night or drinks with work
Saturday: parkrun (I’m event director this takes up my whole morning) chores, clean the house, food shop, meet friends, I usually go to bed early on Saturday
Sunday: always an early start for a long run or race. If a race me and the running club friends will go for a drink or meal after. If not I see a group of friends and do a dog walk and get lunch. Pub quiz in the evening where I’m on a team.

I go to a lot of gigs as well and no one notices if you are by yourself

I do most of the things other have mentioned (gym, house stuff, hobbies ) but of an evening I sometimes make like an old man , grab my dog and go to the local pub.

Can you see it as a project, then? Try to get better and better at enjoying time by yourself, doing stuff alone, going places, doing things alone, while you've got time? You'll inevitably meet people if you do a course or two, join a meet up or two, go to a gig or two. Keep practicing 'solitary', it's a useful skill. Takes the pressure off trying to be good at it right now.

Blimey! Everybody on here seems to be Top At Being Alone.

I'm not so good at being alone but, frankly, I have no choice. SO. I mooch about and I think and I kind of mooch about. On Sunday morning I listen to a lot of radio in bed : desert Island discs /just a minute /private Passions. That's my thing... but I'm aware there's another programme on radio 2 which is a bit loved up so I don't listen to that!

I joined a walking group somewhere along the line but they do 5ml or 8ml walks and that's just too much for me! I'm thinking of setting up an afternoon walk, ambling along, because mornings are just not that great for me - all that getting up in the morning, gung ho, is a bit much for me tbh. I'm not a go-getter these days tbh. I don't have the energy.

I do enjoy myself though, in my own quiet way. I count my blessing - gratitudes list. It's important to focus on what's going well. Eg I can see (doesn't bear thinking about, not being able to see), so I'm grateful for that.

I'd much rather not be on my own but, there we are, I am. I kind of observe. Its quite a peaceful place to be.

Have a lie in, see friends, go away for the weekend, watch football on TV, go to a live football match, do training for my self employed role, pet sit for friends, go to the odd local event. Sometimes I just stay at home and catch up on TV while cuddling the cats.