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Original poster

How messy does your house have to be to have involvement from SS etc?

57 replies

Howmessyistoomessy · 07/03/2020 20:34

How messy does your house have to be before services get involved and support the family involved? Like when does it cross over from untidy to grubby to god we need to get someone in there advising those parents?

OP posts:
midwestspring · 08/03/2020 01:29

Physical, emotional and sexual abuse can happen in a home in any condition but neglect is its own category of abuse.

Thisismytimetoshine · 08/03/2020 01:34

Abuse happening in pristine homes is an utter irrelevance on a thread about how filthy does your home have to be before ss intervene.

feathermucker · 08/03/2020 01:34

Can you give us some context OP? Is this you?

Glasscabinet · 08/03/2020 01:40

Tips for you OP:

Buy anti bac washing detergent and then you can put all the clothes on 30minute washes. Tomorrow you could do 8 washes easily.

-Walk around the house with a bin bag and collect all rubbish.

-walk around the house and collect all the dishes/mugs - then do the washing up.

-get a bucket with flash and then wipe down all the kitchen sides/cupboard doors (doesn’t take 2 minutes). Empty kitchen bins and make sure that the rubbish is in the outside bins.

-put all the clutter on sofas/tables/beds and run around the house with a Hoover.

-using flash wipe down the bathroom sink/bath/toilet.

-sort out the kids room starting with the bed. Put on clean bedding. The kids bedrooms don’t need to be perfectly organised just hygienic. Using a cloth wipe down all the sides of the bedrooms.

-if you’ve got pets makes sure the litter etc is clean. If you think they’ve made a mess on the carpets hire a carpet cleaner/steam cleaner/scrub it with hot soapy water.

-wash the bathroom/kitchen floor.
-clean the fridge of out of date food etc.

-run around the house tidying ‘big’ things first. By this point you’ll already have the natural adrenaline and be wanting to finish the ‘job’.

You can do it OP. Do it for your kids as they don’t have a choice to live in dirt.

Skierrdery · 08/03/2020 01:40

Thisismytimetoshine It's not irrelevant. Some people with what appears to be chaotic homes can be loving and good parents. I guarantee you somewhere in the world tonight, there is someone reading this thread, puffing out their chest and patting themselves on the back for having a clean home when meanwhile back at the ranch, their children are victims of untold abuse. I should know. I came from one such home. It's important to not let abusive parents become complacent because they have a clean home. That's the only reason why I mentioned it.

LaneBoy · 08/03/2020 01:42

I think it has to be pretty awful to be a problem in its own right but as a PP said it can be added to existing issues if SS are already involved

PumpkinP · 08/03/2020 01:49

I don’t know. I have to disagree with some pp and I do think they expect a certain level of cleanliness ime. I was reported to SS and the SW took great offence to me not having carpet on the stairs, I’m a single mum and not working I simply can’t afford it. She said I had to get some and she would be back to make sure I did! Luckily I complained about her for another reason and I never saw her again. But she did go on and on about the carpet when she was here. My house is by no means spotless but it isn’t filthy either. I have 4 kids so it’s abit messy but yeh she was quite nit picky. I do think as others have said though it would have to be pretty disgusting on its own but if you are reported for other reasons then yes a messy house is a red flag to them.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/03/2020 02:11

If a TV documentary I saw is anything to go by, poo in the bath and a child with no toothbrush and no bed, not even a mattress on the floor. I feel bad for the parents who weren't clever enough to consent to being filmed in that programme.

picklemewalnuts · 08/03/2020 07:51

Are you worrying about someone else, OP, or is this about you?

GoldenTickett · 08/03/2020 07:57

Beyond dirty.

Broken/no beds
Cooking facilities not working/caked in filth
Faeces
Dangerous stuff left around (medication, drugs, knives, glass)

I don’t think it’s so unsurprising that it’s easier to get a dog removed than it is a child. Surely that’s the way it should be

x2boys · 08/03/2020 08:58

And by contrast @PumkinP we were reported to social services after an unfounded allegation of violence it was,an automatic safeguarding referral by the police ,we had just moved into our house two weeks before ,it was a council house , and as,anybody who has ever lived in one will know ,when you get them they are in a complete state,no flooring at all ,all previous walk paper etc by previous tenants ripped off the walls , so basically the house was a shell yet the social worker wasent interested in that ,she was interested in wether the house was basically clean, wether we had food in the cupboards etc wether the children had beds and bedding ,she wrote an extreme!y positive report ,she also visited both children,s schools and said both schools were very positive about the well beings of the boys ,I think possibly the fact my youngest child is severely autistic and has learning disabilities and goes to a special school, so school know I attend all his meeting ,s etc may have helped .

formerbabe · 08/03/2020 09:16

Walls needing a lick of paint. Stained carpet

Nonsense

isabellerossignol · 08/03/2020 09:23

Walls needing a lick of paint. Stained carpet

If that was the case about 80% of people would probably be on social services radar. Paintwork gets battered pretty quickly, and a carpet could be brand new and you drop something on it and there you go, it's stained.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/03/2020 11:13

"Walls needing a lick of paint. Stained carpet

If that was the case about 80% of people would probably be on social services radar."

Yep. Where I live, landlords aren't very good, so every private tenant would be with social services, unless they do their own painting/carpeting.

Thisismytimetoshine · 08/03/2020 11:20

Sorry about your experience, Skierrdery Flowers
I kind of see your point, I just don’t think the opposite necessarily applies - it’s ok for kids to live in a filthy hole because they’re loved and treated well. It’s not ok.

It’s better than your story, but still not remotely ok.

Thisismytimetoshine · 08/03/2020 11:22

Whoever said walls needing a lick of paint is being facetious, surely?! What a way to trivialise true squalor...

PumpkinP · 08/03/2020 12:31

Well my experience is different to yours. That’s isn’t surprising since all SW are different and would depend on the social worker. Yes she didn’t like that my stairs wasn’t carpeted and told me to get some and she will be back to make sure. You had been in your house 2 weeks and didn’t have any that makes a massive difference. She asked me how long I had been living here and I said 3 years so she obviously thought I should have had some in that time, if it was 3 weeks then perhaps she would have been more understanding of why I didn’t.

SuperPixie247 · 08/03/2020 14:12

I have hard flooring throughout my house as it is easier to clean. Except carpet on my stairs and landing. A lovely deep red it is. Not long after I got it, my DS dropped some of his oat milk on it (he has allergies), it was late at night and I thought I had cleaned it all up. Next morning, turns out I had missed a spot and its nicely stained 🙄

I would be devastated to think that SS would deem my home unsuitable due to a stained carpet. That kind of nonsense is scaremongering at its finest.

cabbageking · 08/03/2020 14:16

Just having a messy home would not interest SS.

Original poster
Howmessyistoomessy · 08/03/2020 15:54

Thank you for all the replies everyone, I appreciate all the tips and advice. It’s a friend of my ds house that started off the worry but the concern was about my own house. I know ds friend mum has services involved (not sure which because she is very vague and I don’t pry) but she mentioned part of it being the mess in her house which is very very very messy and a bit dirty. But I realised my house looks very similar and it got me wondering if I am letting down my own ds with our mess. Some of the stuff described here about dirtiness does apply to the friends mum and some of it does apply to my house too :( so I definitely appreciate all the tips and I think it’s been a bit of a wake up call.

Thank you again everyone Flowers

OP posts:
x2boys · 08/03/2020 17:33

Thec,pp who mentioned walls needing a lick of paint and stained carpets ,mentioned it in a long ,list of other reasons ,so of course walks needing painting and carpets being stained won't be a cause for concern on their own but they might be of there's a whole load of other c.f.concerns and the house is house is generally neglected people need to stop.quoting out of context

redandwhite1 · 08/03/2020 17:40

Someone I know had SS come in because they had a newborn and there was poo on the carpets and behind the radiator!

slipperywhensparticus · 08/03/2020 17:45

My former friends home is pure filth
Feaces on floors cobwebs to your shoulders sanpro (used) inches thick on the bathroom floor children not removed but the animals were SS left adult SS now involved house still in state more animals bought not enough beds etc still not enough for removal of disabled young adult....like I said FORMER friend because it's been 20 years they have been involved off and on for how long is it going to take them before they understand they need to fucking clean

Apparently they are being evicted due to non payment of rent now

You cant help some people and believe me ive tried

Fanciedachange1 · 08/03/2020 18:20

Op i grew up in a dirty home, nothing sinister to attract SS but enough to cause embarrassment and never want to invite friends around.

Step 1. Declutter. Go round with a bin bag and chuck any rubbish. Our house was always home to old papers,magazines, empty cans/bottles and broken tat. Be ruthless. The less you have the easier it is to keep clean.

Step 2. Wipe down all surfaces. If you can, give everything a dust (i recommend microfibre cloths or dusters than can be washed an reused)

Step 3. Hoover. A good hoover makes a world of difference. If you have tiled floor then hoover and a mop.

Step 4. Bathroom and kitchen. Bane of my life. Make a real effort to get both as spotless as you can. Scrub and make everything as hygienic as possible, even if it takes you a whole day. Once it is clean, its so quick to just give surfaces a quick wipe over daily to prevent the build up.

I vowed that when I had my own home I wouldn’t ever let it get into the state of the home I grew up in. i work pt (4 days a week) so i appreciate it is easier for me, but i tend to find keeping up with housework is much easier if you do little and often.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 08/03/2020 18:32

You can do it op. The first thing is to declutter. You can't keep it clean if there's piles of stuff everywhere. There are tons of self help books on Amazon that will help you get into the mindset of how to declutter. You might need to do it again and again because the need for lots of clutter around can be psychological and it's not easy to change everything in one go. Just start with one room. Get one room done, then it's so much easier to keep it clean once it is decluttered and clean. Then when you can, move onto the next room. Find a place for everything. If you can't find it somewhere to live, do you really need it? If it's broken, worn out or doesn't fit, chuck it. The book i used was called "decluttering at the speed of life" and it was great.