Falling apart a bit....

[Devoilmum]

I posted earlier and had some kind support from 1 person but I’m really struggling and need a hand hold.
Basically, DH has gone back to his home country for a week due to a family event and it seems like he’s not gone alone. He’s supposed to be staying with family but a quickly deleted message, that wasn’t out of place but obviously wasn’t intended for me made me suspicious. I tracked him last night on ds’s phone and he’s an hour from where he should be. Internet searches he’s made from his phone have linked him to being in a hotel in this area and likely with a female work colleague he was having a flirtation (at the very least) with several months ago.
I’m trying to hold it together as I’m home with the kids. Will he call later? Or make some excuse?

I’ve very flimsy evidence and he’ll never admit it.

I don’t know how I fee

How long have you been married?
Has anything like this happened before?

Can you just have an honest conversation about it.

Is he actually seeing the family? Can you make contact with them?

We’ve been together for 17 years. He’s wandered before but swore it was only flirting. I guess I’ve never trusted him since.

I don’t think he’ll talk. He’ll deny. We don’t talk.

Yeah he was with family yesterday- went straight there when he arrived. FaceTimed and sent photos. But late last night/ overnight his phone was locating him an hour away from where family live. He can track DSs phone so DS can track him. Plus the iPad seems to be linked and I can see that he searched to book a hotel, where phone was locating him, yesterday.
He told me he was staying with family but meeting an old school friend today.
I don’t think his family will know much plus there’s a language barrier. He will leave her in the hotel for a few days and then go to stay with the other family members for a couple of days- they are several hours away. He won’t take her there. They won’t know about her.
He’s started to call and message me now today but I can’t answer or speak to him. I don’t know how to play it.

It's understandable you don't know how to play it. What I would do is try to act as normal as possible until I'd had time to process it all properly. And if you can't and he notices and mentions it then put it down to concerns about something else like you are feeling under the weather or worry about the corona virus.

I would screen shot his phone's location on your son's phone over the next few days. Just in case you feel you need proof at a later date.

For me I'd be thinking about whether I wanted to continue on in the marriage. That is what is important here. And you don't need proof of his infidelity to leave your marriage but having it may reinforce your resolve when/if you have a wobble.

Thanks @Therebythedoor
I ignored him yesterday. He was messaging and calling when back at the Hotel but said he was going out. I couldn’t pick up a location for him (no WiFi/roaming) until the early hours and he was back at the hotel.
He’s called this morning, he is with his friend today, but said he’d stayed at his and may stay at a hotel tonight as he has an early flight tomorrow. But his friend doesn’t live in the area where his phone is locating him. I asked.
If she’s there, she’ll go home tomorrow I think.
He’s acting very normally, but his phones location tells another story.
If he’d not deleted that message (and the suspicion was not the content of the message - just that he deleted it), I’m not sure I’d have thought to try and locate him.

He’s got a local sim now so I can track him constantly.

I’ve been taking photos of his location and the google history. I tried to log into his messenger but he’s changed the password and set a pin so I can’t. I know he’ll get notified that I done that but, I can probably excuse that by saying I was trying to set it up on the iPad so kids could call him.

He picked up that I wasn’t my usual self- I didn’t sleep much and have a huge headache.

I hope your headache has subsided. The one thing you know for sure is that he's lying to you and he'll keep on lying as long as he can get away with it. He slipped up sending you that text but probably thinks he's got away with it. You need time to consider your options and I hope you get that time to make the right decision for you. Do you have anyone in real life that you could talk to in confidence when you feel ready to?

It’s just starting to go but the dcs are fractious and not helping!

No one at all in real life to talk to, that’s why I’m so grateful for any talk in here. I’m almost tempted to go and sit in arrivals tomorrow night to see if she appears. There could be no denying but the the fact I’m thinking it makes me question my mind?!!

I know that in a few days I’ll be thinking more rationally, from tomorrow he’ll be in touch more frequently I’m sure.

You're not going mad - it's just all the turmoil in your mind that creates all the irrational and sometimes panicked thoughts. I hope you do get some calmer thinking time to yourself.

I’ve become a bit of a stalker- I watched him in the airport and he seemed alone. But very early for his flight. If she’s flying hers was later.
I went to bed, convinced it was all in my head and I’ve just gone crazy! But then something woke me at 3 and I’ve been up since. Going over it again and again. It just doesn’t add up.
I can only sit it out now and see when he heads home and where he goes before he comes back. If she’s still there waiting for him or flown back already. I’m not even sure when he’s due back.

Well it seems he’s now coming back a day later than he had said. ( knew the day but not the time) but sounds like he may not spend as much time there and will instead head back to where the other family are (or the OW?)
Ironically he sent me a screenshot of him tracking DS today- he seems to have forgotten that DS can also track him!

Can you ring the hotel you think he’s at and ask to be put through to his room when he is out so you can speak to her?

Well he’s definitely not there now, so maybe I could. I’m not sure there would be a phone in the room but if there’s still a room in his name, she will be in it.

How's things OP?

Well he’s back and acting very normally. Only the first 3 days I’m suspicious about. No hotel transaction on his bank statement but he did make several large withdrawals locally.