The Karmic Kipper.....

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Quite often I've wanted to slap someone in the face with a smelly fish..... loud chewers, liars, arsehole ex, jobsworths, general knobheads, entitled twonks......

I'm now offering this service to mankind. I shall appear when required, armed with my karmic kipper and administer the slap.

You can choose from

A single slap
Double slap (both cheeks)
Multi slap (double slap repeated at speed)

These can be either silent ( leaving the recipient startled/stunned) or with an accompanying short message.

Can I be of service?

Oh yes please! My DH has always said if I was allowed to express myself freely - there would be a lot of arse kicked daily. Fish slapping would work just as well!

Please may I order a multi slap for foul-mouthed, taker, ungrateful, homophobic, racist, misogynistic BIL2. No message. He can think on what he's done.

What do you require in payment?

How exciting, my first clients. 

@iklboo no payment necessary I'm in it for the job satisfaction. Just for you I'm throwing in a post slap death stare and a loud tutting

Cor thank you @MaidenMotherCrone

One for my DM who, despite knowing I have a neurodegenerative disease told me yesterday (loudly, in public) 'for gods sake stop shaking' and one for my sister who then asked me if I have Parkinsons and found it absolutely hilarious

Could you please provide this for everyone on the tube who chews gum? I wish it could be banned.