I'm struggling when I hear someones pregnancy news.

[Dogman2020]

Posted for traffic.

Was on here quite a few years ago after suffering recurring miscarriages - 7 to be precise. Still living with the same partner although things are tough at the moment and were considering a separation.

We do share 1 dc but I was diagnosed 2 years ago with endometriosis and told it would be highly unlikely id conceive again, I was sent for numerous tests and at the end of 2 years told here was nothing more they could do for me. Ive kind of buried my head in the sand over this and today its hit me hard.

I just found out sil is pregnant with number 2. When I found out she was pregnant with her first I drank myself stupid that night (it didnt take much as im not a drinker) but I made myself sick, not long after that my 2 best friends announced they were expecting.

Ive been crying all morning and I just cant seem to get my shit together, im jealous, extremely jealous and I hate that Iam. I want to be happy for her and congratulate her but all ive done all morning is sob my heart out because I wanted it to be me so much. and it never will be again. Ill never get to feel pregnant. especially not now as things are looking likely to end with dp.

Im just really struggling with it all and needed to vent it out.

I'm really sorry for your losses OP. You've had a tough ride. You can't change how you are feeling inside and when the time comes you'll be able to put an appropriate face on to congratulate the others.
It's no wonder a toll has been taken on your relationship. You will still be grieving (and still ttc or not?) If you haven't had any counselling yet I would strongly recommend some.

Thank you for replying.

I have signed up for counselling already and it start's soon but cant come soon enough.

I cant seem to get myself together today. It really shouldn't affect me as much as it has and I hate that i'm like this.

@Dogman2020 you are human and you are allowed to be sad. I feel the same way (although it's many pregnant colleagues for me rather than friends and family). I'm TTC baby 2 and 14 months in am thinking it won't happen and that is hard to accept. Me and DH are being tested at the moment but I'm older and realistically time is running out

This popped up on my Facebook feed (from a baby loss charity) and thought it might apply

@BabyMoonPie I feel the same I’m 40 soon and just think my time is up even with dp or a new partner.

I think that’s what this stems from- the hurt and pain but also running out of time.

Good luck with your testing I hope it goes really well for you. It’s a long and drawn out process but 🤞🏻 Crossed for you.

@Throughthegate

That poem made me cry. I do not know how I’m still here right now. I thought I’d have given in hours ago

@Dogman2020 I'll be 40 in 3 months! I said I didn't want to give birth past 40 so that means we've got about 6 months before we give up. I don't know what I want the test results to be. Part of me thinks it would almost be preferable for there to be a problem so I have a reason for not being pregnant as otherwise all the tracking and OPKs and sex has been a waste of time

I don't know if it's the kind of thing you want to hear or not... but all this talk of turning 40, for goodness sake! I was only on my second miscarriage at 40. Dc2 arrived when I was not long 42.
Sharon in Eastenders has just had a baby and she must be pushing 50 (don't tell me soaps aren't real!)

@Throughthegate - thanks for the reminder all is not necessarily lost!

@BabyMoonPie don’t want to worry you but I went through all the hoops in testing and got to the end and was told there was no problem at all.

I went around a year later for heavy periods and was went for scans which revealed a tilted uterus and endometriosis both of which where never mentioned once during my “testing period”.

@Throughthegate you gave me a little hope in your post - I guess turning 40 is messing with my head a little and I’m seeing myself as past it already 😔

What you’re feeling is entirely normal. If you look on the infertility board there are loads of us who feel like this, but it’s really hard to talk about in real life. Don’t beat yourself up about it and get ready for an Oscar winning “congratulations!” performance. If you need to back off from them, that’s ok too.