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Original poster

Considering a big move... Help!

19 replies

Motherofatruck · 03/03/2020 19:08

I currently live in the South-East of England with my partner and our 6yr old.
My MIL sadly passed away a while ago and we're due to inherit a large amount of money. We're not sure on the exact amount but thinking it will be somewhere around £150k. We currently privately rent and have never previously been in a situation where we could buy a house due to not having a deposit.
If we stay in the area we live now, we could get a mortgage but the payments would be around the same (or slightly higher) as our current rent. My partner has been finding his job physically stressful for some time and would like to be able to change job, but can't find anything he could do that pays the same. He has his heart set on moving up north where the properties are a lot cheaper. I must admit, the more we've spoken about it the more I'm coming around to the idea... But I'm also terrified that it could be a huge, expensive mistake.
If we moved away, we'd be able to live with a tiny mortgage or mortgage free (depending on the area). This would give us the opportunity to have another child (we cant afford for me to have any time off work where we are now).
The trouble is, I don't know much about any of the areas we've looked at.
We would be moving away from everyone that we know. My son would be leaving a school that he is settled in, along with the friends he has made. How do I know if its the right thing to do?
Any advice would be much appreciated Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Motherofatruck · 04/03/2020 17:30

Anyone with any experience moving from South to North? Anyone at all? Grin

OP posts:
pinkdressinggown · 04/03/2020 18:12

I used to live up north and moved down to London about 7 years ago. I'd move back up in a heartbeat.

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 04/03/2020 18:38

I'm going to say no, or at least, not now.
The immediate period after losing a parent is not a good time to make big decisions like this. Irrespective of the details of his relationship with his mum, this is a time to take stock and quietly recover.
The fact that you have a young son and no particular plan in mind (I.e. you aren't considering moving because you've been offered jobs near to friends and family, it's just a vague "let's move away") is also a sign to wait.
Say that you'll look into it and reconsider it in a year.

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GrumpysOtherHalf · 04/03/2020 18:41

Go and visit some of the places you fancy. Spend some time there and see what's around. You might feel differently once you've spent some time there

TheGirlWhoLived · 04/03/2020 18:46

What do you want from a place to live? North is sometimes a little chillier than the south but imo the people tend to be much more open and friendly, whereas my experience of the south east has been a bit frosty!
Do you want proximity to a beach? Big town? Small village? There’s lots of good schools around. I think your DH’s work/life balance will be better in the north.

Do you have any family you’d be leaving behind or would it still be feasible to travel and meet up with them?

Lots of questions to think about but I prefer north to south (subjectively!)

GrumpysOtherHalf · 04/03/2020 18:51

Oh and I might add, I moved north and I'd never move back to where I was

Lynda07 · 04/03/2020 18:59

I've had no experience but really, op, sit on the idea for a while. It is far too soon to be making such a big decision.

If you can, go on holiday for a few days in school holidays to somewhere 'up North' and see what you fancy. The grass is often greener, etc.

In the meantime your partner can still look for another job near where he is now and may eventually find one.

It's sad that you've lost your mother in law but how great is it to be inheriting a good amount! Congratulations on that.

Good luck whatever you do.

ScouseMar · 04/03/2020 19:01

Yep we moved from London to North West.

But we knew the area well, DP grew up here and we'd visited often. Plus he had a job lined up here and I was confident there was jobs I could get up here once I'd settled the kids in school.

Do you have any ideas about where you would like to live and where you could apply for work? I'd personally not move somewhere without having spent some time in the area and have a job in place.

Standrewsschool · 04/03/2020 19:05

You’re bound to be nervous, that’s natural.

Use the internet to research areas. Post on mn for local opinions. Visit potential areas several time.

We booked to a totally new area where we knew no one. Having @ child makes it easier, as you get to meet other parents. Our children were similar age, six and eight. They’ll soon settle into their new school.

Maybe rent before buying up north to decide where you want to live.

AdoptedBumpkin · 04/03/2020 19:36

Worth thinking about, but makes sure not to rush into anything. Do you know anyone in the north?

Original poster
Motherofatruck · 04/03/2020 21:38

Thank you so much for all your responses. To answer a couple of questions;
No, we don't know anyone up north. It would be a complete move away from everyone we know (which is one of the things that is making it a difficult decision - for me at least).
We're not looking at moving straight away. We would definitely be visiting any areas we are considering and looking at job opportunities, schools and transport links before moving.
The chilly northern weather doesn't worry us at all... We're all hot blooded, even the 6yr old Grin
I would love to live near the coast, but it's not a deal breaker.

I still live in the town I was born in... Never previously entertained the idea of moving away but looking at the pros and cons for both staying and moving, I'm a lot more open to the idea.
One of the main reasons I worry about moving my son. He is currently being assessed for ASD. (So another thing we'd need to consider is SEN support). Although he has some good friends now, he was a bit of a loner throughout nursery and I worry that he may find it hard to make new friends.
Thank you again for all the responses. I'm not ready to be talking to friends and family about it yet, (because it's just an idea at the moment) so it's nice to have input from other people.

OP posts:
mimimonster123 · 04/03/2020 21:46

Would you be leaving a good support network?
Help with Childcare, supportive friends and family etc? Or do you not have those things currently?
Because having kids with no support around you is extremely hard

MingVase · 04/03/2020 21:52

Six year olds are pretty adaptable, OP. I just moved countries with my sensitive seven year old late in 2019 — new language, new school system, completely different society, from a rural to urban area, away from a school where he was well-settled — and he’s taken it in his stride, mostly.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 04/03/2020 21:55

If you don't know the area at all, rent before you buy!

Original poster
Motherofatruck · 04/03/2020 22:56

@mimimonster123 my mum has my son to sleep over an average of once a month. Aside from that, we use before and after school club. I have a few really good friends. We don't see each other as regularly as I'd like, but we are close. It would be difficult to leave them... My family is also here. My partner's family are a bit more spread out.

OP posts:
Poetryinaction · 05/03/2020 07:02

Sounds very sensible to me. Good luck!

starpatch · 05/03/2020 07:42

We just made a big move 70 miles within the South, cheaper housing was a big motivator. My son (aged 7) is finding it really hard to be honest, he was happy in previous school and had a best friend within our block of flats. New school I doubt will ever be as good educationally or as much fun. On the other hand we are enjoying our new house, and obviously its early days for us. You could look at cheaper areas nearer where you are now?

AdoptedBumpkin · 06/03/2020 00:07

Moving to a new town/school will of course be a big thing for your son, but it may be better in the long term to do it soon rather than at the back end of primary school or during secondary school.

Original poster
Motherofatruck · 06/03/2020 21:06

Thank you @Poetryinaction. @starpatch thanks for sharing your experience. I hope your son begins to find it easier soon. We've looked a bit closer to home but there's not much of a difference in house prices until we look much, much farther away. Thank you @AdoptedBumpkin. That's my partner's thinking too... Better to move while our son is still young 😊 Thanks again for everyone's advice and input

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