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Original poster

thoughts on marriage?

19 replies

BigButtons · 02/03/2020 17:24

Just a musing really- wondered about other people’s experiences and thoughts.
I’m 52, have 6 dc - no longer with dc father and have been in a good relationship with my new partner for a year.
I’ve never been married and up until recently never even considered/ wanted to.
Now I find myself hankering after it.
Perhaps it is because I am finally in a good loving relationship. I don’t even know if it’s on the cards but would very much like it to be.
I am surprised at my own change of heart.

Has anybody else experienced this shift in thinking?

Has anyone else

OP posts:

DownWhichOfLate · 02/03/2020 18:48

Not personally. But it sounds like a lovely idea for you. What sort of wedding would you have?

Original poster

BigButtons · 02/03/2020 19:32

@DownWhichOfLate I think I would like something small be immediate friends and family.

Heaven knows if it will ever happen though.

OP posts:

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/03/2020 19:35

Marriage is fine. Not for everyone of course, the commitment. But I don’t agree with certain feminists who think it is unfeminist to get married. The commitment is between two equals to each other.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Marriage & partnerships

FudgeBrownie2019 · 02/03/2020 19:37

This is lovely. As PlanDe says it's a beautiful commitment between equals. Nothing more, nothing less.

Wishing you every happiness.

okiedokieme · 02/03/2020 19:43

I'm still going through divorce which I thought would put me off marriage but in fact I'm finding myself wistfully thinking of marrying dp (obviously once we've both sorted out our paperwork!)

Original poster

BigButtons · 02/03/2020 20:53

Thank you everyone- thought you’d all say I was crackers!

OP posts:

DownWhichOfLate · 02/03/2020 21:48

Ooh! You could have a wedding in a beautiful lochside hotel. That’s how I picture a more mature couple getting married . All calm and lowkey. Do come back in a year or two if it does happen!

Qwerty543 · 02/03/2020 23:13

I'm recently divorced and when we split I didn't think I'd be bothered about marriage, was a bit take it or leave it. However I've been with DP for 14 months and I'd marry him in a heartbeat. I just love the idea of us being husband and wife.

Helpmechangemymindsetplease · 02/03/2020 23:19

I’d be wary of the possibility of losing half my house in a divorce? I guess it depends what the situation is asset wise.

Qwerty543 · 02/03/2020 23:32

You can set things up to protect your assets though can't you, tenants in common stating % owned rather than joint tenants.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/03/2020 23:41

I love being married, I’ve done it twice

Infinitely happier second time round, when it’s right there’s nothing like the feel of officially being a team. Our wedding was small but perfect, our marriage is strong and lovely.

AnotherEmma · 02/03/2020 23:43

If I ended up single again, I don't think I would remarry, for the simple and selfish reason that I want all my assets to go to my children. Of course you can make a will but still, marriage is a financial commitment that I wouldn't want to make.

Pipandmum · 02/03/2020 23:54

I'm a widow but I don't think I'd want to marry again because i don't want to share my space. Many of my friends who have been married 20-30+ years also wouldn't want to, or even have another partner, should something happen to their husbands or get divorced. I'd love to be in love again but can't see wanting to give up my independence. I didn't marry till 40, he died after 7 years so I'm used to being on my own (have two teens so I don't live on my own now, I mean in terms of a romantic partner).

madcatladyforever · 02/03/2020 23:55

When you get married later in life you have to think very carefully about it. It's a legally binding contract that affects property and inheritance.
I would not get married again at this stage in my life no matter how happy I was, I have my own home and pension which I am not prepared to lose should anything go wrong with the marriage.
Provisions need to be made for the childrens inheritance if there is one.
I thought my 2nd husband was "the one" and we'd be together forever. He came to me with nothing and left after 18 years with a big chunk of money and a lot of my pension.
I have trouble with my health now but my planned early retirement is no longer possible and I've lost my lovely house and have had to downsize well away from my friends and family.
Don't view marriage through rose tinted glasses, use your head not your heart as you potentially have so much to lose.

Helpmechangemymindsetplease · 03/03/2020 04:09

You can set things up to protect your assets though can't you, tenants in common stating % owned rather than joint tenants.

If you go into the marriage the wealthier party the above is irrelevant, as in a divorce all marriage assets would generally be split down the middle.

I would also not get married again for this reason, as well as to protect my kids’ inheritance (my house basically - I am safeguarding it for them - unless it gets used up in care fees).

Original poster

BigButtons · 03/03/2020 06:52

assert-wise we are pretty equal. He's probably a tad better off the me.
It's probably a pipe dream anyway.
I suppose I didn't start this thinking about assists etc etc, although of course, it must be a consideration. It was more that I was surprised at my pretty sudden change of heart at my age having been anti marriage all my life.

OP posts:

Calyx72 · 03/03/2020 07:05

Me! I divorced my ex and stayed single 2 years, started online dating just to go to gigs or out to cinema/dinner, it was great
Met DP 6 years ago and we clicked
Getting wed August I cannot wait!
I am 48 and was shocked at my change of heart; I was the one saying to him after a drink or two "what are your intentions"

Lweji · 03/03/2020 07:10

I've seen this in mostly men when they meet the one.

I'm in a similar position.
48 and in a relationship after being single for a few years after divorce and a short relationship that I felt was going nowhere and some dating.
I can't believe I've been looking at wedding dresses.

Qwerty543 · 03/03/2020 08:06

Well I've recently divorced and our assets were not split down the middle. He kept his pension and I kept the house with quite a bit of equity. It was not an equal split, much more in my favour.

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