My husband when ill

[Laalaaandpo]

My husband is generally an awesome bloke and I love him very much. He’s also a wonderful father and incredibly kind.

BUT

He cannot cope with any kind of illness or pain and it’s doing my head in. The slightest hint of a cold or headache and he feels the need to be tucked up in bed feeling sorry for himself. We have 2 young DC and both work full time so him being rendered useless is so hard on me.

Luckily he’s not usually poorly but the past few months have been a germ fest for all of us and he’s now on formal sickness policy at work and my flexi time is at the lowest it can be from doing all of the kid stuff.

The thing is, often I will be ill the same time as him, or directly before or after. Yet I manage to get up and carry on, because there is no choice. We have no family help. Is he honestly much more sick than me each time in that he needs bed rest? I know I can’t possibly know exactly how he is feeling but surely he can’t be? Another thing is that he’s so bloody grumpy with it. I’ve tried sympathy, I’ve tried encouraging him to get up and have a shower and see how he feels then (often works for me) but all he wants is to feel sorry for himself.

Any empathy? Am I an awful wife for feeling this way? Honestly I really don’t like him right now and I guess it’s cathartic to write it all down. Wouldn’t say it to him!

I think a lot of people have the same problem as you. Have you ever spelled it out to him like that?

He sounds like a selfish prick.

My dp is exactly like this. Cough, cold, backache, headache - you'd think the world was ending. Mostly he will solider on and go to work and so on but his moods are just terrible when hes unwell.

I've tried to rationalise it. Some people suffer worse than others when they're ill especially if they have other health conditions. But god it is tedious.

Does he have the 'ill voice' or the 'dressing gown of doom'?

My husband isn't ill very often but he adopts the ill voice and it makes me want to slap him.
He got the ill voice after a vasectomy last year and ALL sympathy flew out the window. Ridiculous.

Yep , my husband the same.
He is a lovely bloke but worse than pathetic when mildly unwell.
Thank god they don’t get periods 🤣🤣
I ignore it but we don’t have kids.
The other option is next time you have a bit cold take a leaf from his book!

I have tried talking to him, it’s never been a massive issue before as he’s never been especially ill but the last few months have nearly killed me tbh! It’s been one thing after another.

He really isn’t a selfish person, he honestly does think he’s dying each time. Maybe his pain tolerance is incredibly low? I only wish he could have given birth to the kids. I think that would help?!

I wonder if they were mumsied as a child, so expect full on fuss and care?

@TheNoiseHurts The ill voice 😂😂 that’s one of the worst parts of it.
And he just has a sad look on his face.

I think this is really common. There are a lot of posters on mumsnet who say their husbands are like this.

I also wonder if it comes back to how they were treated in childhood?

My DP is also like this. You have my sympathies.

A cold is always the flu, a slight twinge is full on pulled muscle, etc. Always accompanied with the poorly voice and shuffle.

Despite his great ailments he hates taking painkillers or medicine, preferring to soldier on in pain.

Horrible cow that I am, I have no sympathy if he won't take medicine or fuck off to bed.

Stay strong ✊🏻