Overwhelmed by everything

[MortyFide]

Not to be melodramatic, but I feel like I'm drowning. I believe I'm pre-menopausal (still waiting for an appt with the menopause doctor, we have one at our practice), presumably hormones are to blame for feeling over emotional and irritable?

DM is in care with suddenly deteriorating dementia, I'm POA and I'm worried sick about her finances. No word from adult services about a financial assessment, no sign of property selling before we run out of funds.

DH talked me into getting a new puppy and we are already disagreeing on training methods and I'm worried about everything going wrong.

Everything with DH is a battle, it doesn't matter if I say I want to buy that kind of dog bed or arrange this type of insurance, he will come up with the opposing view accompanied by "just saying, I'll leave it up to you" (with the shrug that tells me he knows best and I'm stupid). It drives me fucking crazy but if I try to defend or explain a choice or show the slightest annoyance that he has to oppose every single thing because he can, I'M the one being snappy and unreasonable.

I hate my job and its sapping my confidence, my manager is hopeless but favoured by the board so there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Didn't get the last 2 jobs I interviewed for.

I've got agonising shingles pain under my arm over my ribs and breast but no rash, so I dunno if it is shingles or not. Can you get shingles with no rash? I've just got over a UTI as well, my first in 5 years.

I've just had an operation privately to resolve a foot problem but it hasn't worked, so I've got to start over and my foot still bloody hurts.

Money is a bit tight, I seem to have a poor credit score as I have a lot of debt but I may need to find £5k at short notice (long story). I've got zero chance of raising it.

Every slightly melancholic song makes me cry for my little dog that died in November because I just want everything to go back to normal and for her to be here with me.

I'm fat and trying to lose weight and its really hard. I just want carbs but I'm getting a fatty liver and need to reverse it.

OK thanks, got that lot off my chest. I need to get out of my pit, change the bed and get some washing on before I go visit DM who won't know me. Life feels like such an effort. DH does his best but we are sniping at each other, it's me isn't it? I try to be nice but I want to scream in frustration all the time.

Reading that through I know that there are far worse things that people are dealing with out there. Sorry I don't mean to be quite so self pitying, I'm probably luckier than many, I'm just feeling hormonal and sorry for myself I think.

You're not melodramatic, it sounds like you have an awful lot going on. Losing your dog which is like a family member and your poor mother being moved to a care home with advancing illness and having a new puppy at home along with work stress is enough on someone's plate without adding the arguments with dh, the shingles pain, the recovery from an operation which failed and the money worries.

You can have shingles without the rash yes or the rash may still make an appearance over the next day or two. If you can get a docs appointment tomorrow on emergency they might give you anti-virals if you're feeling like crap with it.

You need to step back and have some time to breath, is there any way you could book a weeks annual leave from work in a few weeks time to have something to look forward to? It would give you some time to get organised in terms of your mother's care and finance, get some extra sleep and have a few relaxing baths and do some light walking in fresh air etc.

That’s a hell of a lot to be dealing with. I think you’ve gone amazingly well just to keep going.
The one thing that could change is DH making everything into a battle. It really doesn’t sound like it’s you! Could you explain to him how he makes things more difficult for you, just like you have above? He likely doesn’t realise how draining he’s being, in addition to all of your other issues. And there’s a chance he might try to react differently if it’s laid out for him.
Do get checked for shingles and take some time off sick - at least that will give you a rest.

It sounds like you're dealing with all sorts of stuff and are understandably overwhelmed. I started HRT a couple of weeks ago and honestly, I feel like a new woman and so much more able to cope. Have you thought about seeing your gp to talk about HRT?

Thank you for being kind, I suddenly thought I'm just moaning really aren't I.

Shingles pain has been there a week already, I feel rough on and off. I had shingles with the rash nearly 20 years ago and it came up in the first 24 hours. I've also had this pain without rash before, kept getting DH to check my back because the pain was so excruciating I could FEEL the blisters, but there was nothing there! Same this time.

I've just had a load of time off work after my op, and have now booked some scattered days to share puppy duties with DH over the next few weeks for toilet training. Daren't book more until the summer, not that the fuckers at work will notice I'm gone.

I have tried to book an appointment to talk about HRT (or some kind of treatment anyway, if this is indeed hormonal) - I need my mirena coil changing too, thats coming to its natural end. But the clinic hasn't called me back. My bloods were all normal the last time they checked for FSH etc (a year ago).

I just went downstairs with a smile, determined to make an effort, but DH immediately said "Have you done yet?"

Wish he'd stop being so pushy, I can't breathe without him giving me an order or chasing (or challenging) me about something. To be fair he does pretty much everything at home, maybe he sees me as a lazy teenager or something. We don't have children, I'm the main earner, largely home based, but he works 4 days and does about 99% of cooking and cleaning and housework. I'm responsible for life admin, worrying about stuff, laundry and the dog.

Just on the HRT topic, all of my bloods came back completely normal so the gp said I may well be perimenopausal- but nowadays they treat on symptoms rather than just on test results. I have a mirena coil so am just on oestrogen tablets but seriously, I'm feeling like I'm waking up from a terrible dream where I didn't really realise how awful I was feeling all the time until it started to ease with the HRT. I do hope things get easier for you x

Really? She did say last year that if the flushes or anything else became unbearable, she'd look at oestrogen patches or tablets.

I don't have the traditional hot flushes exactly, but my face and chest will suddenly get hot and red and stay red for an hour or so. I've been waking up sweaty at 3.10am every morning, but that's just worry I think, and the room being a bit warm?

I'm often headachey and nauseated, I feel so irritable and angry all the time. I'm losing self confidence and sometimes don't feel capable of doing anything much at all. I used to be so good at my job but I feel like I'm failing now. Any mental overload, like having to think of multiple things at once, seems like too much to deal with! I'm sure I never used to be like this.. I'm 47.

Yes, if you’re over 45, diagnosis should be via symptoms not blood tests. The NICE guidelines for the public are useful to read before you go: www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23/ifp/chapter/Menopause

What you’ve described does sound like many women at perimenopause. Sounds a lot like me! There’s lots more info at www.menopausematters.co.uk/

You shouldn’t have to wait until it is unbearable.

Thanks Sparkling! One of the major markers of menopause I'm missing is menstrual cycle - I'm nearing the end of my 2nd mirena, so I haven't had periods for 10 years anyway.

I wonder if some of my symptoms are from the decline of hormones in the coil - I called the surgery to ask for it to be replaced a month early (its due to be changed in April), and also said I was struggling with some symptoms so would like to speak to a GP about that. They said that as I needed a replacement not just a removal, they'd get the GP who specialises in this area (who I went to last year, twice) to do the mirena switch and to discuss the menopausal symptoms. But they said the clinic would call to book me in, and that was 2 weeks ago.

I've descended into being convinced that DH being oddly moody and difficult is a sign that he doesn't love me anymore, because I'm snappy and hormonal and have driven him away. I almost prefer being annoyed with him than panicking that he might leave because I'm hateful, even though I'm the one whose been feeling vulnerable and "got at" so much of the time. I guess this confidence crisis is all part of the same thing!

I'd love to feel normal. Visited DM in the home today, she knew me (well, she mostly thinks I'm her sister) but her lips were dry and cracked, she had food on her sweater and she hadn't brushed her teeth. She's verbally disinhibited and essentially insults everyone she makes eye contact with, which the carers are very magnanimous about, they are angels. I kissed her goodbye and left her having lunch, and as I walked away she said to the woman next to her, "What did we invite her for, she's useless."

I know she doesn't know what she's saying but still. She used to be my champion!

I now have an appointment at the clinic for coil change and menopause chat on 12th. And bizarrely, I had a bit of spotting yesterday. Bit of a shock, haven't seen anything like that there for literally YEARS...

Oh MortyFide, here's a big (gentle) hug for you.
I felt like this a few years ago. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, ANGRY etc. It was menopause, but I also had undiagnosed type 2 diabetes. Would you consider asking for a diabetes test?
NB: in the Feb of the year I was diagnosed my results were 'not diabetic', by the October I was retested and had a dangerously high result! So keep an eye on it if you do test. Get retested after a while.
You've got a lot on your plate at the moment. You are grieving for your puppy and (in a way) for your mum.
You are in pain and stressed. You need kindness and empathy, a whole lot of attitude from your husband! 🥴
My husband did some reading about menopause to help him understand me - and this cope better with it himself. Would your husband do this?
Menopause is distressing and changes you - you need to be kind to yourself. Have you any friends who are also peri/menopausal? Can you talk to any friends about it? It'd probably help. ❤️ xx

Thanks Pig. Funny, I was called for a routine blood test this morning, they'll do sugars again.

None of my friends seem to be having menopausal symptoms yet, not to my knowledge anyway. I'll have a chat with the doc next week, maybe that will yield something.

I am feeling a bit more positive today, but still worried about things and still the shingles pain is haunting me. At least DH has settled down and isn't being so contrary this week, and a financial worry bead has been semi-soothed by mum's kind solicitor yesterday.

How old,are you OP ?
I had the exact same symptoms from the age of 48, wierd sweating, murderous thoughts about DH and just felt like everything was falling apart, though in addition I had flooding periods.
Im sorry about your DM , its like everything you have ever known is being snatched away from you , I felt bewildered at times .
In regard to your DH .
Who made him the boss of everything?
Stop telling him what you doing, buying etc.
Either you do it and he buttons it or he can do it himself .
Cut out the middle man !
Im early 50s now and feel MUCH better since my periods stopped.
Hope you get sorted

I wouldnt be surprised if they are having symptoms .
Perimenopause is a bit underdiagnosed imho.
Its always "you are too young"

I'm 47 - 48 in 7 months! All 3 of my close friends are going through various things, so they might be thinking any symptoms are simply life being a dick.

Weirdly, I was just pottering around downstairs and did a whole selection of stupid things in one go - poured water onto the drainer instead of down the sink, took apples out of the fridge instead of the milk (??), poured milk into my glass of water instead of my tea, that sort of thing. One after the other. Decided to take myself off to bed before a I lose a finger or something, brought my tea upstairs and hadn't put sweetener in it so had to go back down. Walked into a door frame on the way.

Came back upstairs, sorted out my medication to take, went to slap them all into my mouth and had completely the wrong combination of tablets - I had 3 of the same one.

Fucking hell, I'm literally dangerous! It really feels as though my brain isn't firing properly. So odd.

Oh and thank you, yes, I am mourning my original mum - this is the new version of her, and it's hard to lose her so slowly but so completely. Luckily there is still some of her sparkle left and we still laugh together.