Informing work of a death

[cestcommeca]

I have just been called by a colleague's husband who has informed me of her fathers' death and asked me to inform work. We work in different departments.

We are both late in our early thirties, and both immigrants in the country we are in (not UK - but EU). We both worked at the same firm before joining our current firm and both studied at the same institution but in different departments. We have worked together on and off since graduating.

Colleagues often assume that we are very close, and in a way we are, but we are both very private people, I respect her as a professional and I know she respects me, if possible on inter departmental projects I try and collaborate with her, but more because she is a kick-ass professional than because of "friendship".

I have no idea how to phrase the email to work. Is this okay? Or does it sound cold? I know she wont want over investment in her personal life so I want to keep things simple.

Dear ...,

I have just spoken to X's husband who has informed me of her fathers' death. He has asked me to let you know. As expected there are many unknowns, I shall keep you informed as things take shape.

Regards,

c'estcommeça

Thankyou for your imput.

Obviously it is an awful time for her. It is a sad situation. However in my opinion she should be informing her line manager herself. If she is unable to send a short email or call then her husband should do it. Not you.

Fine but just the first two sentences. Stop after "know". They need to contact work themselves. Hooe your colleague is ok. Who are you sending it to. It should go either to her manager or hr.

It sounds fine but she might have to inform them herself. I know where I work (nhs) you can't get someone else to do stuff like that for you, only in exceptional circumstances.

Thankyou,
My company is at the same time quite formal, but maybe not in a UK way, if that makes sense.

We work in finance, and my colleague is an analyst for Chinese markets so even though she will let them know, her husband, I think, just wants to make sure she isn't called into the office this evening or tomorrow over some markets and Covid-19 shit.

So, more than letting them know, it's more to make sure they just give her some space till Monday. I know that she is more than capable of informing herself and probably will do so. I just don't want her to be disturbed by work this weekend.

Does that make sense?

Could you cc her in?

Because knowing her, if a director called and asked her to come in - she would. And I think it is very telling that her husband, who I have bumped into once in 9 years, took the time to find my number and call.

Its still not really your responsibility. Guess you could ring the manager and explain but they cant just take your word. She or her dh will need to contact them.

And I will email her N+1 my N+1 and our communal N+2 and copy her in?
So I have a director, she has a director and our directors have the same director.
I'm not sure we really have line managers and although we have HR - they don't work or reply to emails at the weekend and it really is right now to make sure that she isn't called into a crisis meeting tomorrow afternoon ..

Ok so call your director and.ask them to pass the message on to her director.

@HappyHammy

Thankyou - logical solution - but in panic I didn't think of it - calling him now

Youre a good friend.

It’s father’s not fathers’
Agree she or her DH should be telling work themselves.

@Papergirl1968
Thank you for that grammatical precision - English is a third language for me - I try and try and feel I'll never succeed. I'm abroad but we all use English as our communicating language, luckily most of the anglophones (don't know where to put the ' on that either) recognize that and allow us "largesse" in our use of English grammar. I'll never get the hang of the ' for possession. But thank you for right now of reminding me. Ever so kind!

Hi OP.
I agree with @HappyHammy, your email was fine without the last sentence. Ignore those who are saying it's not your business or responsibility. You have been put in that position and are doing the right thing passing on the message.

@HappyHammy

I called my director, and he was very kind and said he would deal with everything that needs dealing with on the work side of things and that I could let her husband know that if she needs time off to travel for funeral etc that is fine. And he said he would get his director to send a company-wide message ( no justification needed - as often we have teams who are in do not disturb crisis management ) saying not to disturb her or her team without going through him.

Thankyou, It was simple, but as we say where I am, for all the forest, I could not see the tree!

What reservoircats said.

@reservoircats

Thankyou - I've followed @HappyHammy and just got off phone to director. He will take care of what needs doing.

I am very surprised by replies saying it is for her only to contact work - maybe this is cultural - but I don't think where I am it would be expected to directly contact your office after the death of a parent. It sort of makes me sad to think that in some places there is not so much trust as to ask someone else .

I am very surprised by replies saying it is for her only to contact work

I'm not surprised but I do find it sad.

as above- it is her responsibility but i would do the same

absolutely stop before "i will let you know". no facts only - then let her/husband fill them in

@user1958532689654

It's funny, well it's not but still - my initial post was not about if it was appropriate or not for me to inform work and not her, it was if the tone of my message appeared too cold on such an emotional subject. Thanks to happyhammy I managed to circumnavigate that by calling instead of writing.
And yet my work environment isn't at first view the friendliest or the wokest. We are all worked to the bone - selection by exhaustion is pretty much the norm. But I think in bad situations, at least they recognize we are humans with sometimes need for a little space and breathing room.

Would never have thought that English was your third language! You sound like a native to me.

No worries, Op. I’m an ex journalist so am eagle eyed on punctuation, grammar etc.
It’s because your friend only has one father that it’s father’s death. Of course everyone only has one father so I’ll demonstrate with sister instead. Eg she was very affected by her sister’s death - when talking about one sister. Or she was very affected by her sisters’ deaths - if talking about more than one sister.
I enjoyed hearing about my friend’s holiday if it’s one friend. Or I enjoyed hearing about my friends’ holiday if it is more than one friend. Hope that makes sense.
No good at foreign languages though so I’m impressed at English being your third language!

I am happy that it has all been sorted out. Here we say we can't see the wood for the trees.

@Papergirl1968
Thankyou - I'm a little touchy on grammar - I'm in France, and the Frenchies take the piss constantly over every single little mistake I make when I write in French, I'm at that difficult point where I sound pretty much native in English and in French and so therefore instead of sounding just like a foreigner I sometimes maybe sound like someone who does not make an effort or who has sloppy grammar, and that's hard to deal with because learning both languages has not been easy. And I sometimes have the impression that all the effort is just squashed by a little error. It's frustrating. And the thing with the ' is that I know it's about pluriel and non plural, but I just can't work it out in my head when I am writing, and yet I think I can deal with more complex grammatical issues. It's like in French, I know that à with an accent is a place and that a without an accent is the verb, but I still manage to mix it up in some sentences... and yet, I can conjugate the subjonctif with no issue..

But thank you for trying to explain !