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Original poster

I don't love my wedding dress

28 replies

CremeDeSudo · 27/02/2020 13:59

I went for my final fitting for my wedding dress earlier this week (wedding in 3.5wks) and I am panicking as I don't love my dress like I wanted to. There's nothing wrong with it as such and I'm sure I'll look nice on the day, but I just don't love it like I thought I would.

I've still got 250 left to pay for it, after paying 300 deposit and 240 for alterations. It's more than I'd wanted to pay as I wanted to keep it under 500!

Is there anything I can do? Can I decide I don't want it and just not pay the remainder? Feeling sad about it all Sad

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/02/2020 14:06

As it’s been altered it makes it difficult for the shop. I’d speak to them and ask them if you can change to something else.

If you don’t pay the remainder then you need to start all over again, you have nothing ans have thrown away 540 quid.

mynameiscalypso · 27/02/2020 14:08

Honestly, I didn't love mine. It was fine and it did its job but it was never going to be my favourite thing to wear. I was more excited about the excellent shoes I bought to go with it. Starting again now seems like a lot of effort for you but it depends how important it is - I didn't really care that much about my dress (so long as I looked fine) so felt that there were far better things for me to spend my time/money on.

NotYourHun · 27/02/2020 14:10

What don’t you love about it? Is there something you could change? Adding sleeves, lace skirt or top overlay, a fancy veil, change to the neckline? Lots you could do that might save throwing £540 down the drain!

I bought a discounted ivory bridesmaid dress and added a custom made lace skirt and it completely changed the dress for example?

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PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2020 14:10

Have you got a picture?

OddBoots · 27/02/2020 14:11

It doesn't sound like you hate it, could you just be caught up in the wedding nerves and all the pressure from advertisers and society about 'best day of you life' and 'feeling like a princess'?

Can you remember what made you choose it in the first place?

Could you try it with different accessories?

NotYourHun · 27/02/2020 14:11

(I also have to admit it wasn’t exactly what I’d imagined waking down the aisle in as I was unexpectedly heavily pregnant on our wedding day but it worked and I did like it)

cheesefries · 27/02/2020 14:13

I didn't love mine in the end, I sort of picked it in desperation as I couldn't find what I wanted. Looking back now I think it looks great in the pictures and my memories of the day just don't revolve around the dress at all, although at the time I couldn't see that! I do regret the eye-watering £3k price tag though. One of my main regrets is not just getting a high street cheap dress.

LolaSmiles · 27/02/2020 14:13

I didn't "love" my dress.
It was a lovely dress and I felt good in it, but I didn't have the 'this is the one' Say Yes to the Dress moment and sometimes I think wedding dresses have been built up to be a magical garment with transformative powers.

Is there something specific you don't like about it, or is it that you're still hoping to have an emotional connection to the dress?

Original poster
CremeDeSudo · 27/02/2020 14:14

I've seen and ordered one for 120 on ASOS and hoping it'll be awful and I'll have got it out of my system!

I did think that even if i could do that I'd be 130 better off than if I went ahead with mine.

I figured I'd be happier paying a bit extra if it meant I was getting what I wanted except now I've spent loads and it's not perfect anyway. Wish I'd just continued my search online now but I panicked Sad

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 27/02/2020 14:15

Not every has this fairytale relationship with their dress. It’s just some bollocks we are sold from children.
It’s just a dress, I likes mine but I’m not the sort of person to love a dress or cry with joy over it. It looked nice, we had a lovely day-but it is no big deal.

Focus on the marriage (assuming you do love the person you are marrying). I bet they aren’t having an emotional moment with their outfit Wink

SinkGirl · 27/02/2020 14:17

I think the problem is this idea that every woman will know when she tries on the right dress. I hated everything I tried. Had one made for me in the end and it was beautiful but never had the mythical reaction. I don’t believe many women do.

Dowser · 27/02/2020 14:18

I didn’t love mine, so three weeks before the wedding I bought another one, cost £28 and I loved it
Hadn’t spent £540 on the first one.though
Are you just having a wobble?
I’m Sure you’ll look
I’d lost weight, had mine altered but it still made my boobs look huge
So much preferred a less structured dress

OliviaBenson · 27/02/2020 14:19

What is bothering you about it? Do you have a photo? There might be something that could help you love it?

Napqueen1234 · 27/02/2020 14:20

If you love the ASOS one and can afford it wear that instead. You could always sell your dress (likely to get more if unworn!) to recoup some of the costs

Dowser · 27/02/2020 14:21

Cheese fries ...£3k wow..I’m glad it looked good in the pictures.

Original poster
CremeDeSudo · 27/02/2020 14:22

I think I just expected to feel more wowed somehow. I'm a bit of a perfectionist about how I look at the best of times so you can imagine my thoughts on this!

There's bits I like about it but I feel like I need to stand shoulders back or it doesn't feel or look right I think. It's backless and I have E cups so had to have it built to support me. As much as I love the backless look, in hindsight I wish I hadn't gone for it as I would have felt more comfortable in a bra!

Encouraged by others saying they felt it didn't matter in the end!

OP posts:
cologne4711 · 27/02/2020 14:24

For what it's worth I didn't love mine. I had tried two dresses, one of which was simpler and the other more complicated and my mum and the lady in the shop persuaded me to go for the more complicated one. It had a long train and people kept stepping on it. I was glad to get out of it in the evening and put an evening outfit on.

There are two things I would change about my wedding and one is I would have insisted on the other dress. But it looks ok in the photos.

Original poster
CremeDeSudo · 27/02/2020 14:28

I don't have a photo sorry. Only ones from before I'd lost weight and it's a little snug so won't do it justice.

I've already had sleeves added, boob area restructured and lace built up a bit over my cleavage.

A friend has just suggested seeing if I can go try it on again with a friend with me for reassurance so might see if I can do that.

OP posts:
BabyWenger · 27/02/2020 14:31

I don't love mine. Well, it's more that I don't love how I look in it.

I love the dress itself, and I loved the photos I saw of it before I bought it on the model advertising it.

But as I'm not a 5,10 size 8 model (I'm a slightly dumpy 5,4 size 12), I guess I'm never going to look like the photo.

salbodoodlecat · 27/02/2020 14:36

I think there's so much expectation placed on the dress. The programme "Say yes to the dress" doesn't help! I bought mine from a Ghost outlet store. I happened to be passing the shop and just stepped in. Had to borrow some heels to try it on. Cost me £80. Didn't even try on another. In fairness this was my second wedding. For my first wedding we had a dress made and there was more importance placed on it. For my second wedding i kept trying it on at home to check I liked it and I did. Honestly the wedding is so much more than the dress. Yes it's important to feel good but try not to get caught up in the fairytale of it being perfect. You'll look great in either. Enjoy your day!

LolaSmiles · 27/02/2020 14:39

I think I just expected to feel more wowed somehow
That's down to carefully designed wedding marketing telling women that the wedding day is the best day of their lives, and wedding media selling the idea of highly emotional responses on shows like Say Yes to the Dress.
It's an industry designed to knock our confidence and/or sell us an unachievable standard that we can never achieve is just within reach if we have the right dress, shoes, makeup, jewellery.

mencken · 27/02/2020 14:41

While I wish you a good day, I would hope your wedding day is NOT The best day of your life or it will be all downhill!

to be honest, one white frock looks very much like another. As long as it fits and sort of flatters - which is difficult with wedding dresses - then don't waste too much headspace on it. Remember you are a grownup - be Pippa, not Kate!

hope the day is fun.

SiblingStruggle · 27/02/2020 15:02

I was the same as you. When I went for the final fitting, I didn't feel as "wowed" by my dress as I thought I might. (There was also a lot of family drama going on, which probably didn't help)

But on the day, when you have your hair and makeup done and you're walking down the aisle, you'll feel a million dollars. By all means try the second dress just in case it's perfect, but don't be put off if it's not.

You will look beautiful whatever you wear and your husband/wife-to-be will honestly not be looking at the dress. They will be looking at how happy you look, and thinking how lucky they are to be spending the rest of their life with you. The dress doesn't matter.

Try to enjoy the next 3.5 weeks :)

Emmacb82 · 27/02/2020 15:52

I loved my dress from the minute I put it on, but when it came to the day it was the most uncomfortable dress to sit down in!! It didn’t really occur to me that I needed room in it to eat lol so I didn’t get to eat my lovely 3 course meal because I physically was so uncomfortable. By the evening I was so fed up all I wanted to do was put my pyjamas on. So it’s not just how the dress looks, it’s how comfortable it is as well. Just a different perspective! X

BossAssBitch · 27/02/2020 16:21

I have to go against the grain. If you are someone who is a perfectionist about how you look (I am the same) then don't make do with the dress you don't love. I would spend some time looking for an alternative. There are some beautiful shops selling stunning second-hand wedding dresses.

I spent 2k on my first dress but I bought in haste and regretted it. I fessed up to my husband and we agreed that it had to be right so I bought another one that I absolutely adored. On the day I was so happy that I had the dress I loved, it made me feel amazing on the day. There seems to be a thing on MN where unless your dress was a tenner from a boot sale you will be throwing your money down the drain, but I don't agree, my beautiful wedding dress made me very happy... and it still does when I look at the photos. Good luck

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