Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Breaking up while pregnant

15 replies

L6587 · 26/02/2020 19:06

Hi Everyone. I'm new to this site. My story is crazy and I know I've made a lot of bad decisions so hopefully I can get some advice rather than judgements..lol I met this guy back in July 2019 and he was married. He was ending his relationship with his wife (supposably) he told me his marriage has been on the outs for a while and he tried to get divorced back in 2016 but it was too expensive and he tried to stick it out with for his 15 year old daughter. Well anyway, we met and fell in love and he moved in with me in August (right after he took his family on vacation). His wife wasnt happy about it (ofcourse) and gave us a hard time and then in September we got a place together. We ended up finding out I was pregnant (currently 6 months pregnant) and he filed for divorce in November. Things were okay in the beginning but once we moved into our old place he started getting jealous over everything. I deleted all my social media, changed my phone number, limited contact with my sons father, went to work came home and was with him. There has been many times he's tried to end the relationship because of insecurities he's had....for example: we went out for my coworkers going away party and all my coworkers are men whom I've been working with for about 6 years. I am friends with all of them (and their wives) and he said I was being way too flirty with my coworkers because I went to the bar area with them while he was talking to my other coworkers. Also, I had a friend over with her boyfriend one night and they are younger than me (I'm 32, my boyfriend is 43...and my friend is 23 and her boyfriend is the same age) I don't like younger guys-especially my friends boyfriends. Anyway, my friends boyfriends grew his hair out really long so I was "playing with his hair" - as my boyfriend likes to say and my boyfriend got really mad saying I was flirting and I am disgusting. These issues have come up with every argument we've had over the course of months. He gets mad if I bring my phone in the bath with me...He got mad that I said I love a (male) tv characters character. He got mad that I am nice to my son's father. Now his situation is: hes 43 and has a 15 year old daughter. He filed for divorce and has been giving his wife all his money (about $3500per month-and him staying with $1000). I pay our gas & electric and cable and food and he just gives me half of the rent. He goes over to his house everyday to hang out with his daughter. (so he is essentially with his wife I'm sure too). Recently, he started recording me. He took an old I-phone and put it under the dresser and listened to my conversation with my mom....I'm pregnant and have been under an enormous amount of stress so I talk to my mom on a daily basis she is like my best friend, I cry to her, vent to her, and just talk to her. Well he heard me talking about him (complaining about something) and he thinks all I do is talk shit about him. So then I was on my way to work with my coworker who is also my friend, and I go in my purse and there is a recorder at the bottom of my purse recording. My friend and I were talking about some guy shes dating and how he has a big "package" and I said "i know its perfect literally" not even thinking my comment through or thinking it was a big deal..(I've never seen it by the way - just said that because of all the stories she's told me) anyway, he heard the recording and lost it. He packed all his stuff, and went and slept at his wife's house. That night he expressed to his daughter he will be moving back into that house and making their back room his bedroom. His daughter was happy but then the next day he brought all his stuff back and moved back in with me. The last 2 weeks have been up and down, he's been telling me he loves me and wants to be with me, but then will say I'm disugsting and a whore because of what I said on the recording. He has been going back and forth. Two nights ago he told me he is thinking of moving back into his house because he wants his daughter to be happy. This completely destroyed me. I am currently 6 months pregnant with his baby...he barely acknowledges the fact that he has a son coming into this world. He said he wants to be with me but he feels he has to choose between me or his daughter. I'm confused I'm hurt I'm just very very depressed over this and I know I set myself up for this by dating a married man..I don't know what I was thinking bringing a baby into this situation, and I feel for my child and unborn child! He is saying he will stay another month or 2 but then he will be moving back home. I don't know where to go from here...So last night he put another recorder in the apartment we share and he heard me talking to my mom about him. I was saying how he has no heart, how he is insane for recording me, saying I feel bad for his wife, saying my son's father atleast had a heart. Well he heard that recording and flipped out again, saying all I do is talk bad about him...and I tried to explain I am ANGRY and very sad over all of this and need to vent to my family..he doesn't understand and said he is taking his stuff and leaving. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
Qcumber · 26/02/2020 19:10

My god. Your poor son. This is just a mess. I don't even know where to start. Confused

GreenLeafTurnip · 26/02/2020 19:14

Leave him before your baby is born.

GreenLeafTurnip · 26/02/2020 19:15

Sorry posted too soon, had my own baby climbing all over me (who is supposed to be sleeping!).

Your boyfriend sounds like a lunatic. Leave him, it seems like what he's doing is abusive and will only get worse.

Protect your son.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

datasgingercatspot · 26/02/2020 19:17

You're not in the UK so there will be a lot of things people can't advise you on. Just don't have contact with him and hope he stays away quietly.

Nicknacky · 26/02/2020 19:19

What advice are you looking for apart from leave him and don’t let him in your apartment again?

datasgingercatspot · 26/02/2020 19:21

Restraining order? Don't put his name on the birth certificate or give the baby his surname.

Lazydaisydaydream · 26/02/2020 19:23

Honest question - why didn't you leave him after the first time he secretly recorded you?

L6587 · 26/02/2020 19:25

I don't know why I didn't leave him after he secretly recorded me. I don't know if i want to be with him because I am pregnant...hes made everything I've said and done sound like my fault and hes played the victim. almost to the point where he made me feel guilty and believe I screwed this relationship up. Even after all of this, I am sad for him leaving..something must be wrong with me!

OP posts:
datasgingercatspot · 26/02/2020 19:28

You're exposing your child to this man who is dangerous. So yes, there is something wrong with you. Definitely something wrong with him, he's a cheating, jealous loose cannon.

L6587 · 26/02/2020 19:34

i know, and hes a cop so im nervous of what he has up his sleeve when this baby comes.

OP posts:
amber763 · 26/02/2020 19:37

Leave him ASAP. Don't feel sorry for him. You know in your heart it's not your fault. You have to protect yourself and your kids x

WinterCat · 26/02/2020 19:45

Please end this excuse of a relationship now. Do you have family or friends nearby for support? What about child maintenance where you live - put in a claim as soon as you can.

L6587 · 26/02/2020 19:49

yeah i do have family and friends support. my family and friends have been VERY supportive and have been telling me to RUN. its been hard i dont know if its because I love him or because I'm pregnant...but its also been very hard living with him, even when we were good he gets in moods where i dont know if hes going to be mad/happy/sad when im walking in...he finds reasons to fight which has made my ENTIRE pregnancy very very stressful. I worry about this unborn baby and hope the stress i am under is not affecting him. very bad situation

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 26/02/2020 19:55

What do you love about this absolute bellend?

Do you not value your son & unborn child's welfare & mental health more than this abusive, controlling man-baby?

Your friends & family are offering help. Take it.

OldEvilOwl · 27/02/2020 08:20

Why are you letting him move in and out whenever he likes? You need to end this for all of your sakes. Take some control back or it will be even worse when the baby arrives. Your acting like him recording you is normal behaviour, it's really not!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page