Mid-20s and only people who I speak to/who contact me regularly are my mum and partner

[BuzzingBee100]

Mid-20s and only people who I speak to/who contact me regularly are my mum and partner

Is that abnormal? Feels a bit sad. Never really been able to make female friends - many acquaintances but have never had a girls night out, shopping trip or girls' holiday. All my life have mainly relied on parents, partner and a close male friend (often they only hang out with me as they have a crush on me) for any social plans.

I know a lot of you will answer that it just depends on if I'm happy with the situation. I'm usually unbothered by it but I sometimes feel sad I've not managed to do something everyone else can.

Are there any others out there like me? I just seem to find it difficult to connect with most women. I'm extremely rational/cerebral and whilst I can feel empathy, I'm not very emotional and soppy so maybe I come across cold.

Would you like things to be different? My lovely friend who is more cerebral than me has joined some lovely groups around her interests (local history mainly).

What kind of things do you do in your spare time?

I could have written this myself. It makes me painfully sad, but I've just accepted I'm obviously not a nice enough person to ever have even 1 good friend. I've had friends in the past, but they've all faded away/not bothered with me after a while so I guess I'm just lucky I have my partner.

Thanks for the replies so far, both.

@caulkheaded cycling, reading the news, make-up, general exercise, etc.

Are you part of any cycling/tri clubs?

Do you not speak to people at work?

I'm always a bit confused by threads like this where people are sad they don't have many people in their life, but then they don't actually join in things.
Do you attend any groups to do with your hobbies / interests ?
Do you volunteer ?
Do you make the effort to phone up or arrange to meet people ? (Post seems to be about the fact only two people contact you).

I do understand why this is so upsetting for you and I found it difficult to maintain friendships from my school when I moved away for university, so speaking from a degree of experience at a similar age to you - I think the starting point for you isn't just to join in with activities (though that's part of it and you would maybe enjoy a book group or something relevant to your interests on meetup) but not to consider yourself as being totally different from other women because they're just too emotional(!). I think you will probably have more in common with many women than you expect once you make an effort to connect. Lots of women are interested in current affairs, make up, and exercise so it's not like your only interest is so obscure that you can't possibly find common ground or so cerebral that you would need a research degree in the area to discuss it!

Yes me.. I have a decade ahead and still cant connect with most women/mums. Very much like you I come across as cold. I even find my own mother too emotional and she brands me arrogant. (I'm not!)

I have acquaintances through work and generally get on better with men (banter or goofing around), but no close male friends either as I'm not into sports. I had some girlfriends and fun girly holidays in 20s (always amused me how my friends love dressing up and make up while I wait impatiently like a hungry boyfriend) but not tight friends - I wasnt one of their 'core' friends. Now they've all moved further away and we are all busy with own family + work, we've grown apart (I try organising socials but someone's always pulling out)

I'm not too bothered because I'm introverted, rather stingy (socialising costs) and have a best friend in DH and kids. My DD is very girly, so while we have fun and lots of cuddles, I have a deeper connection to DS.

I'd say put yourself out there - book club, cycling club or gym buddies and then take it from there. With those interests (esp make up) you stand a better chance than me!

One thing I observed with the mum groups.. u have to make some effort beyond the group to form friendships or a mini clique, I.e like dating, do something 121 like a coffee or ask a favour like borrow something. It creates chances for different interactions.

I often feel like an alien observing female behaviour at every age group since high school

Could have written this myself

Lots of ‘friends’ that I like, they like me, but we could go weeks or months without talking and I don’t think if I was ever stuck or having a hard time I could go and talk to them, it’s just chat, more than small talk, but not close friend stuff.

I’m self employed and move around businesses a lot and so it’s impossible to make lasting friendships at work.
Being self employed and having odd hours, which are different every day and every week, and often very long, I also can’t join any clubs, which is what most people suggest.

Always had lots of very close male friends, often my ‘best friends’ but like you it’s not often purely platonic and so when one of us has a relationship the friendship dies.

Mostly I’m happy, but then it doesn’t make me sad, particularly when DH goes out with his friends and I think even if I wanted to go out, I literally wouldn’t be able to find anyone to go with.

@SparklySeal omgosh just read your post and I’m the same. Sometimes I feel like I’m pretending at work, mimicking how the other girls make friends, just to try to talk to someone and put myself out there.

I definitely get on better with men too, but I hate when people say that because it normally means the woman is a bitch - I’m genuinely not! I do come across as a bit cold and unemotional though I think.

Am also stingy with money! And due to my limited free time, I know I can go home and have a good time with Dh or even alone,
but do I want to spend my only free time all week, trying to uncomfortably (very introverted) make friends with someone I have nothing in common with - I know I have to if I want to make friends but like dating, it’s exhausting spending every weekend on bad date after bad date.