What's your experience of partner with depression?

[Lovingmylife]

Just that really. What are your experiences? Did you notice it or did they? Have they had counselling, are they on medication? How did or does it affect your life? Have you got kids?

My husband has had several periods of depression starting in 2011. We were going through a bit of a rough patch anyway but he became withdrawn and angry all the time, especially with the children who were both under 10 at the time.

It reached a crisis point one night and I found him in the sitting room at 2am, banging his head on the floor and raging at something that wasn't there. It was pretty scary. I made him an emergency Dr's appointment the next and took him in and explained what had been happening and he sobbed through the whole appointment. He Wass prescribed anti-depressants and referred for counselling. Things got worse before they got better and he was suicidal for a while. I was cared to leave him to go to work because I didn't know what I'd come home to. Eventually the anti-depressants started to work and he had some counselling sessions. He also started running which has really helped.

He's been off the anti-depressants for a few years now. He's had a couple of relapses since but nothing like as bad as that first time. I can spot it coming and he's much more open about it too and gets support from his employers too which he didn't feel able to before.

We tried really hard to hide it from the children and think we've succeeded (they've never mentioned it anyway). I could definitely have a second career as a children's entertainer for the amount of cheer I can muster from nowhere though!

Thank you @BeBrave for sharing. After months of asking him to see the GP I finally took him last week as he was getting so angry and shouting at me and has been shouty and harsh with the kids (6&8). He is exhausted and has been signed off work, referral for counseling but no antidepressants yet. I am currently struggling with the emotional impact on him and on me and also trying to change my perceptions/expectations of what he can do to help and what I should just get on with. I have encouraged him back to exercise and trying to get him to see his friends. It's been building for at least 10 months really, maybe even longer.

Well done for getting him to the doctors.

Have you got anyone who can support you? My DH didn't want to tell anyone or for me to tell anyone either but I couldn't do it on my own. He agreed that I could tell my mum and she supported me. My work have been really good too about letting me work from home if I've needed to.

In the beginning he couldn't talk about what was going on with him so he would text instead and I let him know that I was there to support him again any way he needed. I just took it day by day and hoped it would get better.

Thank you. yes I told a couple of close friends and my mum so I'd have some support and I felt so relieved when I did. He has signed up to attend a support group.

It's so good to have some support behind you. Remember to take care of yourself too. Hopefully the support group will help him.

It’s tough. Really tough.

Lowest point was getting home from work and finding him in the bath trying to drown himself.

I got him out, dried him off, rang the GP, told my work I wouldn’t be going in for the next 7 days.

The more people you tell, the more support you hopefully both will get.

It’s a horrible ride. Look after each other xx

It is hard, your heart breaks for them but you also have a duty of care to your kids and yourself. Most important thing is although anyone is entitled to a period of depression, they are not entitled to do nothing about it. They must take meds / go to counselling. Make sure he knows what your boundaries are and the consequences for crossing them. For example, shouting at the kids means going back to his mums/ a night away. Good luck x

Oh that sounds horrific @hipstermo

Thanks everyone for sharing. I have to admit I'm finding it all so confusing. He has been out and about yesterday doing a bit of shopping and when we were chatting he has happily telling me all about his day and what he had been doing. Then I started telling him about my day at work and about a situation there that is frustrating me, not stressful, just annoying, he listened for a minute and then started making his bored noise. So I asked if I was boring him and got told I was overloading him and making him stressed and got up and walked upstairs. Literally two minutes later I am upstairs too running the kids bath and he starts telling me more about his day and chatting.
Said he feels like normal, just a bit wiped and not at all sad. But then strops off the moment the kids start bickering. One DC hurt themselves and was really crying in pain and he didn't even come see what's happening. So what he is doing seems to be as long as he is having peace and quiet, doing what he wants to do and talking about what he wants, he feels fine, but the moment there is even a small stressor he goes to pieces.

He won't tell his family as feels they lack empathy and won't understand/will judge him.

We're in the midst of it here. I agree with pp that the most useful thing for me is to get support for myself from friends. It helps to vent frustrations to others, and people have been so generous in offering practical support and advice.
My DH has just started CBT and has been on AD's for almost 2 months which aren't helping massively yet. He's just upped his dose. I guess it's too early to say if CBT is/will be useful.