DD’s threatening behavior…not sure what other child’s mum expects

[Eastie77]

After dropping DD of at school the mum of one of her classmates (“Jane”) told me that Jane mentioned that she was arguing with DD in the playground and DD said “leave me alone or I’ll beat up your brother”. Jane’s brother is 13 years old and DD, who is 6, has never met him. I was both shocked and upset that she had used threatening language and was immediately apologised.

This is when I became confused. The mum first of all laughed and said “oh don’t worry, it’s just kids messing around”. However as we carried on walking she then grew serious and said “I should let you know though that Jane was upset and scared. She told her brother and he was also really upset and has been asking non-stop why your DD would want to hurt him”. I apologized again profusely and said I would talk to DD seriously that evening and also wanted her to apologize to Jane. The mum then said “No, no apologies, I don’t want Jane to know I’ve told you. She hates it when she thinks she’s got one of her friends in trouble”

By the time we parted ways she had simultaneously repeated that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it and it’s actually quite funny (“your 6 year old really thinks she can beat up a 13 year old haha”) but also that her son is upset and Jane is fearful. I told her that I would have to speak to DD about it and she said yes BUT repeated that I mustn’t let DD know Jane has complained about her.

I replied that I didn't know how to tell DD off without revealing how I found out and she didn't reply. I therefore suggested that the mum talk to DD’s teacher, tell her exactly what happened, and I would take guidance from her (teacher) on best way to deal with the situation. She looked very unhappy with that suggestion, shrugged and got on the bus.

I’m at a loss?! I'm not always good at reading situations clearly. What does she actually want me to do?? WWYD? DD and Jane appear to get on very well, have a play date every week and ran into school together this morning.

Yep definitely giving the mum a wide berth and if she brings it up again will stop her in her tracks and say let's take it to DD's teacher. I have a feeling she won't want to which makes me feel wonder if any of this is true. But why on earth would any parent make up a story like this? The girls seem to get on fine.

If I have to I will go to the school myself to raise this and ask DD's teacher to keep an eye on the girls. If any of this is remotely true I want DD's behaviour dealt with but equally if it's untrue that needs to be dealt with too!

The first I heard of this argument was when the mum spoke to me about it. She said Jane was telling DD to line up in the playground. DD said "stop bossing me around". Jane continued telling her to line up and DD then issued her 'threat'. I will talk to her about it this evening.

A 13yo boy was upset that a 6yo girl said that? Bollocks.

Yep. Total bollocks that a 13yr old would be frightened by that.

I agree that a teenage boy would not be remotely bothered by this. My DS is 13 - he's nearly as tall as me (5feet7) and has size 9 feet. He would probably think it was cute!

It seems really bizarre. I'd assume it's not the first time Jane has told her mum a story like this.

Is it just her and her older brother or are there any additional siblings? If it's just the two of them you can guarantee that Jane can do no wrong in that household.

I would ask DD what happened first. This woman sounds like she stretches a story.

Sounds like the time a 5 year old in DS2’s class approached me in front of all the parents at pick up, and loudly informed me that DS1(12) had told her that a trophy she won was “poopy”. DS1 doesn’t talk to anyone if he can get away with it, and even as a 4yo never used the word “poopy”, far less at 12. I made the right noises to her and her parents, and when we got home asked DS1 if he’d spoken to X at all that week. I knew from his reaction he was telling the truth.