I have name changed for this. I have worked out that by the time my youngest dc starts school (I have 3 dc), I will be edging toward my late 40's. Also, my husband is older than me and due to retire in a few years time. Financially, I don't need to work (and not claiming anything) and if anything should happen to dh my (widows) pension would be a decent amount (we have been looking at pension info. recently as it is becoming a pertinent topic) and the house is virtually paid off so no mortgage. Plus some reserve savings.
I have always had admin type jobs. In my last role (probably the most satisfying), just after I had dc2 things started changing - my flexible job became less flexible and with dh working in a highly stressful role and with no family back up, I made the decision to become a sahm. to enable us to have a better quality of life (i.e. childcare cover for very young children in the Summer hols/sickness cover etc.) With no extended family to support with any of this, not even to babysit, it seemed the obvious thing to do.
Recently, I have had thoughts of returning to some sort of part-time job (even though my self confidence has gone through the floor), mainly to give me some company/focus in the day. I don't know what is going on in my head whether it is the lack of confidence holding me back/lazy attitude or whether the fact that I am entering peri-menopause/menopause is taking effect, I can't pin it down. It's just the thought of being older and trying to enter back into the workplace at quite a junior level (don't get me wrong, all work is valuable) but I am just wondering if a) if it is actually going to provide the social aspect I think I need and b) it will boost my self-esteem. Plus there is the added fact that dh is retiring in the not too distant future and we then have the possibility of long Summer breaks away altogether as a family but obviously not if I'm working.
I feel that I am too young to retire but not old enough to stop working. I have spoken to a couple of people in their early 50's (one has no children and one has a grown up child living away from home) and neither of these individuals work (widowed and redundancy) and as far as I know don't have any major hobbies/family connections and not looking to return to work. They seem to be happy in more or less their own company all day - one of them has a dog and a few friends but the other one doesn't (and was bemoaning office politics.) I wish I could be like them, just more or less content with my lot and not needing people about. I have never made any lasting friends through work (my two best friends work for their respective husbands who are self employed) but nevertheless it was great to have people talking about everyday stuff (I quite enjoyed the work until they extended the hours and then it became draining as although it was predominantly telephone work, there was a bit of emotional input required but definitely not a job to clock watch in). I don't think I would get this level of satisfaction from any other desk based job but at the same time don't feel able to return for the reasons above (I would also have to re-apply for my old job again and may or may not get it). I have thought about trying to get a few hours cleaning work (through an agency) to pay towards taking up a couple of courses (one I could use in a voluntary capacity), the other for my own interest (higher ed) and also trying to get some voluntary work (my self confidence is really poor the thought of this makes me nervous). Anyone retired early? How did that affect your self esteem? My thinking is all over the place. There is always the gym and walking groups (my couple of hobbies can be quite solitary). I know I am fortunate to have the choice and I feel as if I'm at a bit of a crossroads. Not sure why I feel this way other than having zero self esteem. Anyone live a bit of an alternative way of life to the expected norm?