Full time job or SAHM

[Notmorenurofen]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on a dilema.

My part time job has come to an end (temporary contract) after 18 months. Before that I was a SAHM for a few years with the DCs - now 4&6. I was hoping to find another part time role - mainly for my sanity, pension etc (We can manage just on DHs salary).

However all the jobs being advertised are full time - I have even asked if PT could be considered and it is a definite no. They are school based so good holidays but very full on and inflexible in term time.

The issue with full time is that we have no childcare back up. (no local family etc, etc) DS (4) struggles with being in wraparound more than a few days a week. (There is currently no availability for an after school nanny locally and no child minders pick up from the school - the wraparound is excellent just a bit full on for DS). DS also has additional health needs and has frequent appointments/ more than average time off due to illness.

It could be a long wait until a part time job comes up and then I will have to try and compete to get it (they are like gold dust...) Should I just suck it up and be a SAHM until DS is bigger and hopefully his health improves?

But I worry about what this will do to my career and future options? Obviously if I do go back full time then DH will be doing his share of cover etc. but it would still be a stressful business if DS can’t go to nursery.

I guess I’m rambling but if you’ve stuck with it I’d really appreciate some other opinions.

DH and I both work FT. Given how pulled in all directions we feel, and how I know the children would like more access to us, if one of us could afford to SAH then I think I'd give it a try. And I say that even though i love my job. We find holidays and illness so difficult to manage, even with some family help. And I hate the thought that one day my kids will say that their childhood years were spoilt by us both being out.

Is it a specific type of part time role you are applying for? Or just anything?

It's a tough dilema. I prefer to work for my own sanity as well as pensions etc. like you mention however I have close family support and I work part time and flexi time. My kods also don't need regular appointments.

I think in your circumstance I would stay at home at least until something suitable came up? It's so stressful having time off for kids when you have an inflexible employer.

Thanks, I think I need to wait a while - fingers crossed something part-time comes up soon.

Yes I am looking in a particular field. It just so happens that several interesting full time jobs have come up recently.

How flexible is dh job? Could he condense hours? So 40 over 4? Or 30 term time then 45 school holidays?

It makes life a lot easier if one of you is flexible. It doesn't have to be you, but in your circumstances I would keep looking. And take temporary roles, once they get to know you you can get a permanent role and more likely to consider part time

Being a SAHM has been absolutely the best decision for the kids (and my husbands career!).
It has absolutely destroyed my career and self confidence.
Win for 3, loss for 1....
I'm desperately job searching (and assuming ft will be my only option) after nearly 5 years out - kids mow 8 and 10, but I cant get an interview for a job a step down from where I was, and after interviewing for a couple of equal jobs I've been turned down for someone with more recent experience......

@KittenVsBox sorry to hear you are struggling. This is what worries me. I’ve already made the jump back to work after nearly 4 years out and don’t want to lose my momentum, but my part time iob ( which was a great niche within my field...) was only temporary and it might be years before another vacancy comes up there :(

Are they jobs you would really love? There’s no harm in applying. I applied for a position that was pretty much my dream job while on mat leave with a 10 month old (old contract had ended so wasn’t going back to my previous job).

I interviewed and was offered it. They were happy to discuss flexible working and part time (advertised as a ft position). I started off 3 days per week, then moved to 4 days, and now I’m ft but still do 4 days with compressed hours. I work from home one day per week and it’s been fine sharing childcare and the school run between Dh and I.

I will probably drop down to 80% again in a few months as I don’t need to work ft (I’m well paid and my job is stressful with long hours), but I never would have gotten it if I hadn’t gone for something full time.

With a bit of flexible working between the two of you, you can make it work.

I would stay at home for now. The stress of 2 full time jobs with a child who can't cope in full-time childcare, with extra health appointments and a lot of sick days would be too much for me, especially in a new job. If it is financially possible why always be constantly rushing and panicking when you could just enjoy spending some time with your DC? In the grand scheme of the probable 50 plus years you will spend working 4 or 5 years isn't much.

Could your husband work part time or condense his hours?

I became a SAHM when the DCs were 5&3. It was the end of a contract, my workload was silly, DH's workload was silly, no back-up and DS1 who had been happy with the more relaxed pace of nursery hated the long day of school plus wrap around care.

It wasn't particularly a long term decision, but life is just better for us. DS1 now has diagnoses of high functioning autism, dyslexia and dyspraxia which explains why a school day takes so much out of him.

Fortunately coming from teaching, if I need a return to work, it's a fairly straight forward field and I do a lot of voluntary youth work and assist in school so my CV is not completely wasting away. Realisticly though, I need to know that DS1 is happily settled in secondary, which would bring us to DS2 being around the end of primary anyway for me to volunteer to return to work.

We are comfortable whether I work or not, so quality of life wins over my career (which I was happy at the classroom end of anyway)