What to do about party?

[WhiteSockobsessed]

My DDs 6th birthday coming up. Sending out invites in the next few days.

She doesn’t have a strong group of friends in school but drifts between all the children. Her teacher says she’s “popular among everyone but has no solid best friend” this is fine by me.

When asking her who to invite to her party she says “All my class except X”. X is a girl in her class who during Reception she had a bit of a problem, nothing bullying or nasty but X has some additional needs (her mum told me) and can be a bit touchy feely with people, she is lovely but a bit loud and my DD finds her a bit overbearing. The teacher this year has kept DD and X apart. X does have a couple of friends in the class.

There’s 25 in her class. My dilemma is I don’t want to leave 1 child in 25 out (her teacher wouldn’t give out the invites if we did) as if it was my DD being left out I’d be really upset. But I also don’t want to invite someone my DD doesn’t want there.

I’ve tried getting her to narrow it down to 10 or 12 from her class but she’ll say “But J and K won’t come if I don’t invite L and M and then I have to invite P and Q as I really want them and I really want all my friends it’s not fair”.

So do I:
A) Invite just a couple from her class and risk upsetting her
B) Invite the whole class including X and just keep them apart – maybe having a word with Xs mum who is on Facebook?
C) Or another solution MN can come up with?

Can you tell her she either selects her top 10 or 12 or else she has to invite the entire class? That way she decides.

Are the 10 or 12 you’re suggesting the rest of the girls in the class? If they are then you’ll still be leaving out 1 girl (or maybe 2 or 3) so I’m sorry I don’t think this is a good option. If the it’s a mixture of boys and girls it’s probably fine. My ds was the only boy from his class not to be invited to a boys football party this year and he was so upset as he considered the birthday child a friend. Could you maybe narrow it down to 5 or 6 friends and take them to do a special activity? Otherwise I think I’d just invite the whole class. The girl you’re worried about will probably just play with those she’s friends with.

Are the 10 or 12 you’re suggesting the rest of the girls in the class?

There's 18 girls and 7 boys in the class so it'd either be just girls or a mixture.

Could you maybe narrow it down to 5 or 6 friends and take them to do a special activity?

I've booked the hall and have someone coming to do an activity with them, she will take up to 30 children before I'm charged extra so either way it's the same price.

I think in that case you invite the whole class and next year suggest your DD has a smaller party. I wouldn’t talk to the mother if the other girl hasn’t mistreated your DD. It’s a good opportunity to discuss with your DD that there are different personalities. We get on better with some people and not others. But it would be, as you’ve said, mean to leave her out.

I think the option B would be the best one it this situation

As you’ve already booked a hall and entertainer for 30 I think you should just go ahead and invite the whole class. The entertainer will be making a fuss over your dd as the birthday girl so I think she could probably quite easily avoid the girl she’s not keen on.

I'm no fan of whole class parties, but you need to talk to your dd about being kind and about how she thinks one person would feel if they were left out.
She gets to choose if she invites 10 friends or 24, but be clear there is not an option to invite 23 of her classmates and exclude one.
With the fact you have a hall and someone prepared to entertain up to 30, it would seem to make sense on this occasion to invite the whole class.
I wouldn't message her Mum on FB - what kind of message is that sending to her about her dd ?

The activity is cheaper if we have less than 15 as she doesn't need her assistant (think paint a pot and similar) that's why there's the 10 or 12 option for her as I have friends children who could make up the numbers

Sorry for the drip feed didn't realise it was relevant

I'd tell her she either invites everyone (and use it as an opportunity to discuss kindness, forgiveness and inclusivity) or she has 10. They are her 2 options. She has to decide.

I wouldn't mention anything to the other girls mother - what would you say?

Agree with Gazelda

Up to her, invite all or invite half, you dont leave 1 out.

You tell her to only invite a smaller number or you explain to her that she has to invite everyone as leaving one child out is unkind

I work on a "half plus 1" rule - but for example, with 11 girls in a class of 30, wouldn't invite 10 girls and 4 boys as I'd have left out too few girls.

I've had this before - "I want everyone except X" - which gets the response that they either have everyone or a smaller party - but that I'll make sure that X isn't sitting next to them at tea.

I definitely wouldn't say to the mother either that you want to keep them apart. We had a "tricky" child to DD's party and I just told her to choose two friends to sit next to her then everyone else could sit where they wanted.

We had a "tricky" child to DD's party and I just told her to choose two friends to sit next to her then everyone else could sit where they wanted.

I really like this idea, and will please DD too as she'd be away from X, thank you I will do this and invite whole class