What is a 'dinner party'?

[nakedavengeragain]

Inspired by another thread which has lots of people saying they've never had a dinner party i was incredulous that they've never had friends over for dinner but I'm now wondering what is a 'dinner party'?

I've had various friends round for dinners of various embellishments on numerous occasions; always lots of wine, usually two or three courses, between two and 10 attendees, sometimes they go on late sometimes they don't. Background music, sometimes a tea light in a jar. Maybe there's an aperitif or after dinner cocktails. There is usually an attempt to dress nicely but we aren't in full evening dress.

Is this a dinner party or just having friends over? What makes a dinner party a dinner party? Have I ever had one is the question!

We used to have them once a month or so as students. There were 6 of us in the house, most of us would invite a friend and we’d then split up the cooking between us.
It was about the gathering and shared eating, and the conversations.

Dinner party conjures up the image of 1950s to 1970s wife making an elaborate meal to impress husband's boss or other work/social climbing people. Involving best china, fancy linen, candles , flowers etc.

Having friends to tea/dinner/eat takeaway seems a much more informal friendly situation but maybe it's just illustrative of how times, meals and socialising has changed. With the above being adapted from previous fashions or social class situations, such as dressing for dinner, formal dining rooms and staff to serve you. I recently watched Delia Smith's first 1970s tv series it was very much geared towards either family meals, or something special for a "dinner party" it was very interesting seeing the food and the social attitudes, I think Keith Floyd was similar people wanted emulate the upper classes still back then. TV chefs now often provide a much less formal inspiration of how to cook and share food.

My mum could never understand why we never wanted a "wedding china" I don't understand why she has one when it hasn't seen the light of day since about 1984!

She used to have adult couple friends over in the evening, very occasionally before my last brother was born in 84, us kids were banished upstairs, there was subdued lighting, nice china, sugar in a bowl and nibbles in special 1970s trays, v Abigail's party.

We've never had a "dinner party" in that sense, but my dh is antisocial

What you describe is a dinner party. I've been to a few but never held one. We just have friends round for dinner (and usually a board game). One couple, two courses (main and pudding, which they usually bring) and wine/beer. No candles, flowers only if we have them already. Definitely no dressing up!

We frequently have people around for dinner and are also invited back. Like @OhTheRoses we have varying levels of formality, though never full on formal iykwim?

For us, we live rurally so we love having friends over. Sometimes it's old friends and we just drink way too much and laugh all night - but there's always lovely food involved - it might be coq au vin with extra creamy mash and greens or beef bourguignon. Dessert could be Nigella's chocolate pavlova with cream and raspberries , then a cheese board and loads more wine.

At other times we invite friends who don't already know each other but we think they would get along and we make a bit more of an effort for these ones.

We would always have flowers, tealights, fires lighting, house clean and smelling lovely with decent candles, only lamps, no harsh lighting, table cloth mostly, nice delph, champagne / cocktail to start, nice good quality wines, decent cheese board etc. Sounds fussy but it's never stuffy. Just comfortable and we like guests to feel looked after and welcome.

The key point for us is to be organised in advance and not flustered on the night. Relaxed and sociable is the aim. I never cook things that require a lot of attention once the guests are there as it's too distracting!

My parents never, ever have anyone for dinner.

My mother would have dinner parties in the 70s. Lobster bisque, chicken kiev, chocolate bomb. The days when you couldn't actually buy chicken breasts so she'd buy 4 chickens and we lived on chicken stew for what seemed like weeks afterwards.

Friends had dinner parties in the 80s and I ducked out when it started getting ridiculously competitive and I broke off with that boyfriend and that set.

When I was younger me and my friends used to have dinner parties. I would invite people from different groups who didn't know each other and we would wear mad long dresses, put a long table down the middle of the living room, have candles and classical music and I would do proper hors doevres and a massive cheese board as well as a big pot of something . They usually ended up in drunken dancing and debauchery though. Good times.

It's a frightening occasion where you are required to performance eat while your torturers hosts boast and show off!!

😆

Dinner parties are more formal. Eg you invite a couple you know well plus anew couple maybe and serve three courses and have drinks and nibbles first. Having people round for dinner is more informal usually first cause and desert and people bring a bottle. We don't have dinner parties. DH wants us to. I can't be arsed. People for dinner okay but all that faffing? Yikes

And I would much rather take people out to a restaurant than have formal dinners at home

@AfterSchoolWorry my SIL holds horrendous dinners which may have traumatised me with 20 people and you all talk to person on your left only and move after every course. So you just start to feel comfortable enough to chew when you move off! And they have set piece games after dinner. Charades but with odd rules only they know. God I hate them. They have a huge kitchen and dining room and regularly 'entertain' big numbers. I would sooner die

Sooverthemill

😂😩 oh God, exquisite torture!!! I find it hard to eat and drink at the same time, but eating and drinking while being interrogated and trying to think what to say gives me indigestion and stage fright!

Dessert and alcohol don't go together and make me sick!

I suspect shows like Come Dine With Me are giving people an inflated expectation of what a "dinner party" should be.

But I think a degree of organisation and planning, beyond what you would normally do for your family meal, distinguish "a dinner party" from "coming round". A dinner party will be home cooked food and will be eaten at the dining table - takeaways or eating on the sofa will disqualify it.

I've not hosted in ages because the house is a shit tip, ahem.

I'm not sure I've ever specifically had a dinner party. Had friends and/or family over for food, BBQ, roast, takeaway, or Christmas/birthday etc. Parties with finger food and drinks. But an actual sit down dinner party? Probably not.

If food is served on plates and not out of cardboard square box/plastic container then it's a dinner party. Evening wear certainly not required

I suspect shows like Come Dine With Me are giving people an inflated expectation of what a "dinner party" should be.

I was going to make a disparaging remark, but realised it made me look like a snob. Maybe I am a snob. Am I a snob?

Oh shit.

I'm not convinced that Come Dine With Me could give anyone inflated expectations . I take it you haven't seen it.

longwayoff

Thank fuck it's not just me.

I think if I said to my friends 'come round for dinner' they'd be delighted (I hope), would come with wine, nicely dressed and the order of the evening would be music, chat and laughs.

If I said to them or vice versa 'I'm having a dinner party' there might be some bafflement.

I think it conjures up ' To the manor born' type affairs where there might be couples invited who don't know each other ... and you are forced to make small talk in the drawing room of a London townhouse over bowls of Pom bears with a small aperitif... until you are called through to the dining room where you are served prawn cocktail in the best China under candlelight while Colin Who Works With The Host tells you about his filing system in the office