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Original poster

Will I change my mind about a second baby?

27 replies

ThankfullyAlive · 23/02/2020 08:00

I recently had a baby and as he is getting older and bigger I'm thinking of getting rid of some of the big things (Moses basket etc). I have asked my mum if I can use her FB marketplace as I don't use social media and she has asked if I would like to store the items in case I have another.

Now I would like to have another child so my baby has a sibling but I'm not sure it will be worth it. My pregnancy was awful (sickness, PGP, abnormalities at 20 weeks, bleeding, placenta previa) and I don't want to "risk" it again especially as my baby is fine and I'm getting older I feel I am happy with just one son.

However, will I regret it? I don't think I will but has anyone gone through similar. I know I don't have to make a decision now but I'm just interested to know others opinions/experiences.

OP posts:
puds11 · 23/02/2020 08:03

I have 10 years between mine. Said I’d never have another...

I didn’t keep anything because I was convinced I’d never need it.

99problemsandthecatis1 · 23/02/2020 08:04

You don't need to make the decision now. I was done at 1. I gave away and sold all baby stuff. I accidentally got pregnant with DC2. We got given baby stuff, I bought more baby stuff.

DC2 is the best thing that has ever happened to me but I didn't plan it.

What's the worst that could happen? You sell it, change your mind and have to buy again?

Whether you'll regret not having another is only a question you can answer. But if you do regret it, can you live with it? Better than regretting having a second.

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 23/02/2020 08:05

@puds11 with such an age gap did you regret getting rid of things though?

OP posts:

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Families
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/02/2020 08:06

I don’t think many women are focused on baby number 2 if they have a relatively young baby. How olds your baby?

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 23/02/2020 08:07

I think that's the actual issue.... Will I regret the second if things go wrong again? I spent all pregnancy worrying about the baby. I'm not sure I can go through it all again Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 23/02/2020 08:08

Baby is 3 months.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 23/02/2020 08:08

I felt depressed during my first pregnancy and the first year with my DD was really tough. She never stopped crying! I didn't think I could ever go through it again but I did have a second.

user1493413286 · 23/02/2020 08:10

I had a very traumatic first pregnancy (placenta previa, bleeding, premature baby) and for a good year after having my DD I didn’t think I wanted another due to that pregnancy. I did find though that after a year the wish to have a baby slowly grew again and I’m now due my second just as my DD turns 3.
I would give yourself a bit of time to process what has happened before making big decisions as you may change your mind but if you don’t then you can still move things on.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/02/2020 08:11

3 months?! Jeeze I couldn’t think at all let alone contemplate another baby. Put the stuff in storage and take the pressure off yourself!

Janaih · 23/02/2020 08:12

If you need the money, sell the stuff now. If you have room, put it in storage. You dont need to decide yet, relax! Enjoy your baby for now.

I have a 16 year gap. Never wanted to to give birth again. But new husband and all that.

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 23/02/2020 08:14

I'm a bit of an organiser. I like things to have a home. The items I want to sell are all in good condition so I just thought about getting rid as soon as. Atm I have no money worries so whilst annoying I could buy it all again in the future.

OP posts:
puds11 · 23/02/2020 08:14

@ThankfullyAlive no, I had moved through 5 different houses by the time I had my second and lugging all the baby stuff around would have been a nightmare! Plus I was broke when I had my first so none of the stuff was nice enough to want to keep.

Neome · 23/02/2020 08:17

My suggestion is, unless you need the money urgently, focus on enjoying and coping with now.

Let your mum give you the breathing space to not decide.

Of course if you're not a hoarder like me this might be a ridiculous suggestion Grin

Cookit · 23/02/2020 08:17

Oh wow 3 months! When you said “getting older” I assumed nearer a year.

Put your stuff into storage definitely. If you still want to get rid at a year you’ll have more stuff and can list loads of things together on a parents Facebook group or do a stall at one of those baby / toddler second hand events.

I don’t think I could be doing with selling everything piecemeal.

EssentialHummus · 23/02/2020 08:21

It’s very very early days op. Resolve to do nothing for at least a year, then revisit.

THAT90sBITCH · 23/02/2020 08:21

I have said i will not have another baby after each one i have had. I now have five. Shock

EssentialHummus · 23/02/2020 08:21

And it’s not about the stuff - it’s about the decision to have another. Which you don’t need to make at 3 months post-partum.

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 23/02/2020 08:25

I know he is still so little and I love him so much. It's the best thing in the world when he looks for me and smiles when I come back into his sight. I just can't imagine having a second and what if it goes wrong! I know I'm being ridiculous to try and make a decision now too.

OP posts:
Fatted · 23/02/2020 08:31

I had a perfect pregnancy but horrendous birth and terrible first few months with my first OP and I was never going to have another. At 3 months old, he was still crying every day and I still felt like death. I got rid of the Moses basket because it was shit and wouldn't have used it for another anyway. Clothes got put into storage because we had the room.

When he was a around a year old, we decided we wanted another and I was pregnant again by the time he was 18 months old. I did need to buy some new things anyway, like bottles, a twin buggy and a next to me crib.

With my second, the last few months of the pregnancy were horrendous. I was measuring big and in the hospital every week it felt like for scans and GTT tests because they thought I had GD. My blood pressure was borderline high for four months which is no surprise because my job was getting made redundant. All while working full time shifts, having a toddler to look after and worrying about my baby. I ended up with Bells Palsy and in the hospital with blood pressure and had him at 38 weeks. Even before I had him, I was saying never again. He's five this year and I still have absolutely no desire to put myself through all that again. I will be 40 this year though as well. DS2 was an absolute doddle as a baby though and I loved having him.

I don't know if that helps you any or not OP.

DCIRozHuntley · 23/02/2020 08:34

Sell the stuff, enjoy the space it frees up, spend the cash on the next thing you need and revisit the second child question later. You can always rebuy things second hand if needed.

Lionsleepstonight · 23/02/2020 08:53

Put it into storage and forget about the idea. It's too early to know, and a bit wasteful to get rid only to rebuy.
I heard the urge for more is hormonal and kicks in around the 18month stage.

Lionsleepstonight · 23/02/2020 08:56

Meant to add, your boby and mind is currently in recovery mode, it's one of the reasons mat leave is 9 months to enable you to recover. This is why you cant really comprehend a second just yet!

FeedMeChoc · 23/02/2020 08:57

I had a very traumatic delivery with my first and swore no more. Sibling arrived 2 years later. You just don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 23/02/2020 09:03

Is there anyone who has one child and they are glad they never had another?

OP posts:
Mamato2gorgeousboys · 23/02/2020 09:04

Your baby is only 3 months Op so please don’t be stressing about this now. Until ds1 turned 1, I swore blind I would never ever have another child after pregnancy and birth. I now have a gorgeous Ds2 and am thinking about a third. Personally, I would keep hold of the baby stuff. When your ds gets to 1/1.5 then you can sell it if you don’t think you’ll have another.