How much freedom do everyone else's 17 yr olds have? IE curfews, staying in contact, saying where they are etc

[HerstoryRepeatsItself]

Just wondering about this. My oldest is nearly 17 and there is some conflict between me and her dad about how much freedom she should have. Not saying who thinks what, as it's not about who is right or wrong! But it's made me wonder what is "normal" - I had her very young and all my friends' children are much younger so I don't really know any other parents of teenagers! And by her age I was living independently with a baby!

PS, we live in an area with extremely poor public transport that stops at 6pm, so going out for the evening basically has to mean staying over with someone in town or paying £25 for a taxi home. So it's not easy for teenagers here to pop in and out, and if they miss the last bus they're a bit stuck.

I drive my DS (17) a lot...I don’t mind at all. Generally not after midnight. I worry a bit at parties if I don’t know who will be there, but I try to have contact numbers of parents of at least one of his friends

I don’t know. Dd left to go to college 45 miles away when she was 16. She has to inform her landlady if she’s not going to be home so they can lock up.

Because she lives down a dark country lane she has to either get a taxi or cycle. She’s responsible for paying that out of her allowance/part time job.

Mine always had a pre-arranged home time and HAD to contact us if they were running late, had missed the bus, or had changed plans etc. That bit was utterly non-negotiable. I refused to do taxi service after midnight as i work full time and am not their slave, so they would sleep over somewhere, again letting us know where that was beforehand.

So if they're away for the night (by arrangement) and have given you the address, how much contact would you then expect?

If I hadn't dropped them off, I would expect a text to say that they had arrived. If they were out and about whilst with the friend, it would be nice to be told, but I wouldn't demand it. I wouldn't expect to hear anything else until they rang to be collected or a text to say they were leaving the next day.

Dd17 let’s me know the address/venue she’s at and will give me the number of the friend/ friends she’s with. I try not to contact her if she’s saying over at a friends but occasionally will send a ‘hope you’re having a great time’ txt if I can’t control the urge to check she’s ok!

When mine were 17 I was happy to know where they were staying then off they went. I didn't expect any contact once they were out.

Dd is 17. In the week, we've just said "not too late" if she wants to go out with a friend. In practise this means that she's been home by 10, usually earlier. She hasn't pushed to stay out later on a college night so no arguments there so far. She lets us know where she is and who she's with and usually texts to let us know that she's on her way home.

She doesn't go to pubs (except for eating at Wetherspoons in the early evening) or clubbing yet; I assume that checks on ages are stricter than when I was a teenager. Her friends are quite scattered so parties usually involve a sleepover. It's a bit odd now that she's at college; we haven't met the newer friends let alone their parents. Very different from school. We just have to trust that she's where she says she is. She's been to a couple of non-sleepover parties in our town and her dad's picked her up when they finished.

Yes once they start making friends at college it's so different to primary school when you knew all the other parents, and even into secondary school they're still with a lot of the kids they (and therefore you!) knew previously.

If she's staying overnight with a friend then it's nice if she lets us know that she's got there or when she's leaving, but we don't expect this as a matter of course. She did the first few times but now that it's happened quite often we've got more relaxed. I work on the basis that no news is good news.

We all have a location app on our phones, and I ask the DC to check in on that so I can see where they are (friends are scattered around but accessible by public transport), and if travelling home late at night.

I have also told them that if they need picking up for whatever reason - uncomfortable on a sleepover or missed the last train/bus, no questions asked, I will do that. They also have UBER for emergencies.

So if they're away for the night (by arrangement) and have given you the address, how much contact would you then expect?

Erm, none. Maybe a text to say she’s arrived safely if it is a long distance.