Does parenting get easier - or am I just not cut out for this?

[sunnie1992]

I have three children, age 8, 6 and 3.

I don't think I'm very good at parenting. I mean, I do all the stuff that needs doing; they get fed, and bathed and homework done.

But the baby stage now seems easier in comparison. Or maybe I just feel like that because that stage is over.

Now we are onto feelings and friendship fallouts and back chat and nothing being equal.

I have no idea what I'm doing, and I am really struggling to find any joy in having children. I don't want to play with them, and I'm frustrated by all their fears and worries etc as I really can't do much to help them.

We haven't even gotten started on the pre-teen hormones etc, so I have no idea how to get through the next 15 or so years!

I'm not depressed (have seen the GP). I'm between jobs at the moment, which I'm finding hard, so feel a little lacking in purpose.

Maybe I'm just not meant to be at home with the kids at lot? I'm not good at entertaining them. DH is really good at playing with them, but then he's not here a lot during the week, so doesn't get all the drudgery stuff that I have to do.

Help!

I really enjoy working because when I get home I look forward to seeing dc and am not fed up of them as I otherwise probably would be! You can talk to them about friendship issues and emotions etc and teach them about how to deal with various situations and learn social skills for life.

Different age groups suit different people.

I found the toddler years relentless, but I quite enjoy the primary school years. At least they can now go some way to articulating what their problems are, even if there are the down sides like sibling squabbling.

I think children can often vary in their enjoyment of different phases too. While DS2 is always cheerful, DS1 was a happy baby, a very frustrated toddler, and seems to be appreciating getting older and increasing tastes of independence and articulating his preferences. Some will have other issues such as finding their tribe in school as personalities develop.

It might be tough now, but maybe they could be finding their social feet now and have good foundations for navigating the teenage years, plus there are years of maturing to go before they get there.

3 kids at any stage is hard work. It's relentless because with that many people there is always a drama. Yes the nature of the drama changes from poo disasters to friendship issues, but their need for parenting input doesn't change. When they are little a lot of the problems are quite physical and practical. Putting together cots, mixing up formula, sterilising, cleaning, bathing, nappy changes, medicine dosages, teeth brushing, routines, appointments. As they get older the problems become more social and emotional. From toddler night terrors and tantrums right up to teenage dating dramas. If you are a very practical person then the baby stages are easier, if you have better emotional intelligence then it's easier as they get older. I think we think that as they get older they need us less, but actually I find my eldest child's issues the hardest to deal with. Her struggles are more similar to the things that I struggle with. There's no easy formula. I can't just try food/milk/dummy/nappy change/cuddle/nap time like with a baby/toddler, I have to help her navigate the difficult and uncertain social world. With a baby it's more like being a nurse, and with an older child it's more like being a therapist. Only without any time off, obviously.

Be kind to yourself - caring for 3 must be really hard work. I wouldn't worry too much about some of the stuff you mentioned as most of them seem to work it all out for themselves. I know people on here don't like us banging on about the old days but honestly it was a lot easier when as long as you fed, clothed and loved them then you were a brilliant mum. I found the first few years a tad boring tbh and was happy to go back to work to get some adult perspective - I also enjoyed spending time with them more when we weren't joined at the hip. I have a really good relationship with both my adult children so it must have been OK. Cut yourself some slack 💐

I have 3 of similar ages and I could have written your post too, op.
It feels like life is one long slog and there is nothing to look forward to.
No answers, just some solidarity.

Three kids is a lot. U just go through the motions to make sure everything is done. I only have one and I know I struggled. Mine is now 16. We are doing GCSEs. He has a medical problem. He has a wonderful girlfriend.
But. I stress and worry about his medical problems and pain levels. Worrying if he is getting enough sleep. Is he eating too much junk food. What he gets up to when he goes out with his friends. It is never ending. So I know how u feel. Xxx