Constantly stuck in the middle?

[Outingpost]

Hi all,

My dad is a dying old man. I love him dearly but he has been rather difficult at times. He lives in another country to me and my brother.

My brother has been really upset with my dad over an incident that my dad was unfair to him. I see him every week or so. But he has mood swings at times he says casual hello to dad and at times he feels stressed and doesn’t wanna talk to him.

Whenever I call dad to say hello, he asks me about my brother and I feel I’m braking his heart that I see him but he doesn’t wanna talk to him.

I started to avoid calling dad becshse I dont Like how depressed he sounds about it and it’s making me feel overwhelmed. I worry about him and it sends me into negativity about how I worry he will die upset.

Is there a way I can get out of the situation . I don’t mind lying in those instances, like saying my brother is busy or so on but I’m running out of those silly excuses.

I feel that your brother should talk to your dad about the issue and not bring you into it, it’s not fair on you and you could tell them both that you will not be the referee in the dispute any more.

Was your dad to blame? It's up to him to apologise, if so.

its Very very complicated between them both.

Things could’ve been done differently from both sides but I refrain from using the word “blame”, both have been incredibly hurtful to each other out of self preservation because of the crap circumstances we went through as a family. I blame circumstances..

But they’re equally stubborn and butting heads and its constantly draining for me to explain to each side about the other

I was in the same position with my mother and sister. I realised that their healing last in being honest with each other, and beginning to apologise for all the hurst’s caused. My healing lay in telling both of them that I was not prepared to be the messenger/ go between/ one in the middle any more. They had to learn to sort it out between themselves, or not.
They are now no contact and I refuse to listen to either of them about it. I am very calm and say I don’t want to hear it, they need to talk to their friend/ therapist/ priest , but not me. Its not possible for me to be responsible for their feelings, and I refuse to be.

Sorry for the typos