Sad about my face - it’s hard to look in the mirror

[nibdedibble]

I used to be ok with being quite average looking - symmetrical enough, could do a good cheeky look when I wanted to and makeup improved things.

I’ve aged a lot over the past few years, put on weight and become intolerant of most skincare and makeup, it makes my eyes burn, even products you’d only put on your cheeks for example . So I’ve got one good moisturiser (hooray) but nothing else to give me a lift.

I’m trying to work on losing weight (it’s so hard, late 40s) and with luck making this double chin smaller.

I barely recognise my face and now hate looking in the mirror. Is this normal? Is this it? I don’t go around thinking women over 45 are munters but I do think that about myself.

Would your skin cope with (and can you afford) a make over? I'm not saying you need one but it might give you a boost.

I think we have to come to terms with ageing, OP, and accept our changes.

Felt the same way OP. In my case early menopause made my face look like a bag of spanners seemingly overnight in my early 40s. I stopped looking in mirrors unless home alone over-analysing it and wondering where the face I used to know had gone. It made me utterly miserable for a long time. In my case I know if I put on weight it looks way worse. But like you said, it's hard as we get older but don't give up with that, all our faces are different but the improvement (lower face and chin) is always really noticeable. I also did face exercises for quite a while, which did actually make a difference (lifted cheeks) and my skin seemed to like the handling, exfoliating too if your skin will tolerate it. I find myself looking at other people the same age and wondering why they don't look as bad, and worse still if they do look jowly/wrinkly etc trying not to feel pleased! I have no solutions, I dream of a face lift!

I have severely sensitive skin and rosacea and mineral makeup (particularly mineral foundation) has changed my life.

Bare minerals powder foundation is fab and I buy mine on Amazon

Drink lots of water. It hydrates you and your skin too. With that and a simple routine of soap and water to remove dead skin cells and a nice layer of your wonderful moisturiser is a good start. If that's all you can do, that's all you can do.

Exercise. Good for your mood, good for your weight and wonderful for your circulation. Plus when your busy exercising your not looking in the mirror worrying about those frown lines (and frowning a few more into existence by the process).

Make yourself feel fabulous otherwise. Your hair, your nails, your outfit, your jewellery. Plenty of your favourite scent (if you have one) and some colours (black/dark colours look draining on everyone especially as we get older).

And then just look in the mirror really quickly. Are your teeth clean? Is your face clean? Can't do makeup, use some Vaseline or an eyelash colour on your lashes if you can be bothered, pluck any stray eyebrows, then put on some lipstick and head out the door. Remember most people are not looking at your laughter lines when you are looking and smelling so fabulous and put together. I say that as somebody with a wonky face, wonky teeth and facial scars which I have had to learn to live with (and more recently plenty of lines, moles, a smattering of hormonal acne and thinning hair, gotta love those female hormones going haywire, right?)

When your well hydrated, kicking but in the gym and have upped your style game, you'll feel great whether you are happy with your face or not. Inevitably a few years down the line you'll see yourself in pictures (the ones you didn't manage to dodge, stop dodging them too) and think "wow I wish my skin looked that good now"

My way around it is to keep telling myself that in 10 years' time I'll probably be thinking that I wish I'd appreciated how I looked in my 40s! I thought I looked horrendous at every age (at the time) but I actually looked okay.

Aw this is really encouraging, thank you. Yes to a face like a bag of spanners. It doesn't help that I look like my (awful/estranged) mother.

Makeover - I really would need someone who understood the problem (which i less my skin and more me, I think) - but it's a possibility.
Face exercises - I will definitely investigate!
Bare Minerals - sadly I know it sets my eyes off!! Had some in my 30s, it is nice
Exercise - I am doing and it feels fantastic. Not losing weight though...
Hair and nails - simple cut, nicely kept; nails are good and often shellacked
Scent - I do smell good (floral and bright)
Outfits - hmmmmmmmmmmmm I am a sloppy dresser, always have been
Accessories - maybe I need to go out and attend to this as well as outfits
Water - check
Vaseline on lashes - I had no idea you can do this!! I've been mourning the lack of mascara but everything just burns now
Lipstick - have some great reds I've stopped wearing
Clean - check

Apols if anything missed.

I really should feel better, it is probably the mother thing intersecting with normal ageing and the despondency about losing weight. Or not losing it.

I go through phases where it seems like I'm allergic to everything. Usually there is an environmental trigger I'm missing and eventually I can go back to using my old products or similar ones. It's not usually that obvious. I never knew that changing my washing powder could not bother me at all except when I put my makeup on. It was something about getting the powder residue on my hands from my clothes and then touching my face with it. One day I reacted really badly to a baby wipe. Been using them on the kids for ages, used one to remove mascara smudges and broke out in hives. I'd been allergic the whole time and not realised until it was exposed to the little blood vessels/thinner skin near my eyes. Hormones make me worse, too.

I'm losing my teeth no real fault of my own they are just giving out one by one I've just had the news one has to be removed totally and two possibly three need extensive work to hopefully save them

It's his me harder than wrinkles

I use a tiny bit of Vaseline to keep my eyebrows looking neat, some on my eyelashes and some on my lips and get compliments about my fantastic eyebrows and natural look 😂 what product do I use? Always vaseline. I have a mini tub in my coat pocket. I have tried to replicate it with chapstick and that didn't work though

Hit me harder I mean

Advice from @AmazingGreats is fab

Mine would be similar, exercise, be healthy, look after yourself, we can't change our looks but anyone can improve their fitness/figure.

And also, being pretty isn't all that, I've got a friend who is quite overweight and not "pretty" but if you were to ask anyone who knows her what she's like, almost everyone would say "lovely". She's a friendly lovely kind person and that's way more important IMO.

I’m 49 and still jump a bit when I see my laughter lines and incipient jowls!
I wholeheartedly agree that self-care and good grooming are key. Also, there’s a thing called Mewing which is meant to help with saggy jaws; I do it when I remember. It’s easy Peary.

peasy

I hear you. I am late 40s and in the last couple of years I have noticed I have got a lot more jowly with the dreaded marionette lines. Am trying to accept its just part of the natural ageing process but its blinkin' difficult. I was always told I looked younger than I did but unfortunately that has stopped now and I feel I have caught up with my actual age!

Some great advice on here though - I'll definitely be looking at the face exercises.

I feel the same. It seemed to happen last year. Hate the way I look and have put on weight. I am late 40's.

I had got into the habit of always wearing jeans and trainers. Have started dressing less casual which has made me feel a bit better but think getting back to my usual weight would help. And also regular exercise.

I look best after a bath (when the mirror steamed up!)
Seriously - dress in away that pleases you spend money on your hair & stop worrying - I don't look at my long term friends (or even my dh!) & see them as they are now I see them as I think of them when I first knew them (if that makes sense) my df are getting older nor is dh they are as they always have been & that is how your friends think of you. As to new people who meet you for the first time -as a mature woman they see the real you if they are friends - beautiful women are stuck - for the most part - in their appearance & valued for that.

It's not just the 40s I have hated every decade.
Can't stand having my photo took.
To the point never had any wedding photos! Just candid snaps by my cousin.
Only look in the mirror to make sure it's all present and correct neat and tidy.
If I think I am presentable I can face the world.
But anymore no, not for me thanks, absolutely hate it.

Just remind yourself of this...

Op I actually think this time of year is shite tbh for skin and motivation. The cold and then contrast with indoor heating can play havoc. I absolutely agree about the water, my skin always looks better when I make a conscious effort with that. Also re weight, I think it’s better to do things very gradually, so easy targets. Cut one thing out a day that might not be the best thing to eat. Go for a 2km run/jog and build it up. I also do some home-work outs which are brilliant on YouTube (hitt or 20 min cardio which is so attainable and actually found doing 20 mins a few times a week effective)
Tbh I’m into exercise but find this time of year absolutely awful motivation wise. Do you take any vitamins? I swear by cod liver oil for the face, get your iron checked, amazing what low iron can do, I had brittle hair, Roseca developing on my skin and high dose iron made a huge difference.
Also sleep, sleep , sleep. At the moment I’m getting none and look Fckn haggard, it’s amazing what a difference sleep makes. Do you get enough?
Remember you are your own worst critic, I bet it’s not as bad a you think. I also had an environ facial before, it’s not cheap but was really lovely and noticed a difference.

Im the same OP

OP I know you have skin sensitivity issues so this may not be your cup of tea but I succumbed to those feckin Facebook ads for My Perfect Face (I think the company is actually My Perfect Cosmetics) where the woman looks half her age after using a face mask. The stuff is horrible, it sets on your face like cement, and makes you look 103 while you're wearing it and the half hour feels like 10. However my skin was amazing after and while not miraculous there were definitely a few less spanners in the bag. It's a temporary thing but they claim the results will maintain as long as you keep using it regularly. Someone told me I had gorgeous skin in the pub (drunk, clearly) after the second time I used it, I wanted to cry, I'd actually forgotten what a compliment sounded like. I don't use it that regularly because it's freaks me out when the mask is setting (I'm a wuss) but it's nice to know I have a pick me up on the back burner if I need to look the sorry best that I can.

I remind myself every morning that this is as good as it gets. I'm old. My top lip seems to have disappeared too.

When I started reading the OP, I wondered how long it would take for someone to post that Roald Dahl thing. Not long.

I look better than I have in ages due to Face Aerobics by Renew Me on you tube. I saw results within week.
I had began to look like my slightly fat face was melting.

Yes I agree with the pp who mentioned the rollout of that Roald Dahl thing, seen it on about 59 threads

You’re all wonderful. I don’t mind not being pretty, have lived with that all my life - I suppose it’s that I now look more dreadful and I can’t even use a concealer to hide under eye circles, that sort of thing.

I do mind being fat and I’m actively working on that.

Time to throw some money at this. Book in at Clinique for a makeover and see if I react to any of their stuff. Get some really good quality well cut wardrobe basics and accessorise with gay abandon.

Can anyone recommend any other brands of fragrance-free makeup? Good natural-fibre larger size clothing? (Not too floaty, want to avoid the arty middle-aged lady look ) is there a good blog about accessorising?