I'm not a troll, I have name changed for this.
It's a long story, and not one I can easily explain.. Not one that everyone will understand but some might.
Quite prepared to be criticised, so go for it.
I come from a very dysfunctional and abusive family. Long story short but my mother and father hated each other (only married because I was born). Fought constantly, awful physical fights. Mother alcoholic and extremely mentally ill, but never diagnosed or treated. Father hot tempered and violent. Mother scared of Father so basically took it all out on me - physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually. Father must have realised that I had a bad time, but no real idea as I didn't tell - I was warned not to because of consequences to Mother. Estranged from Mother as a teenager (she threw me out). Went to live with Father. Very difficult relationship - he thought me a "miserable bitch" - his actual words. Never asked why I was miserable though . I married (horrifically difficult and painful time with Father) and we became estranged. I cut off contact. I couldn't cope with his attitude etc. I wanted to forget everything that had happened. Selfish? Yes. He wrote me letters. I never replied. Until my mother died (in horrendous circumstances). I wrote him a letter saying that what was done was done and it wasn't his fault. I sent it to the address I found for him, but I don't know it was the right address, or if he ever got it. No reply.
Fast forward, much therapy, but no desire to resume relationship (I honestly don't know if I could cope).
Tonight I saw a picture of him on Facebook (looking at a cousins FB page, his new wife's profile came up).
He's just an old, frail man now, and I feel so very sad.
I don't even know if I am asking a question here. I just feel overwhelming sadness.