Hi
This is extremely outing but rn I don't care.
Last night my DP got arrested on false charges brought against him by a nutcase who has tried to destroy our friends' lives and now appears to have started on us.
I already have depression.
I've had his phone since he's been gone, someone has texted him addressing him as 'baby', so he's probably cheating on me.
One of my best friends last year really upset me so we didn't speak again.
Another best friend stole from me at the end of last year.
Now I barely have any friends at all, and I'm so scared of making new friends in case they do something similar. I couldn't take another betrayal. My mental health is already bad enough as it is.
This morning I get a message from my main client (I am self-employed) to say they won't need me as much, and I'm already financially struggling.
My STBXH (abusive) is trying to make the divorce process difficult.
Thankfully my DD is happy and healthy.
But I've lost all confidence in everything, including myself. I don't see how I can resurrect my business now, I have no energy or ability to, just break down in tears. I can't be signed off as it's my own business. I'm the main earner but it looks like I'll be splitting with DP anyway.
I can't see any kind of future that would be happy, and just feel like the most massive fuck up in existence. I had a really tough time mental health wise up to the age of about 21 and then managed to come out of it. I always had negative messages from home about myself during childhood, and I tried to get rid of them the best I could. I thought I was living a successful life and could finally be proud of myself for pulling it together. But I should never have tried in the first place. I'm a fuck up, my mother was right, I never finish what I start. I'm just a fucking problem.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel so so so bad.