What’s this thing DH does?!

[Daffodil101]

DH has this pattern of behaviour around food that makes me really fucking annoyed, but I’m not sure how to understand it.

It involves being offered a share of food, repeatedly declining, then asking for it when it’s all gone. I think he does it to make some sort of point, but what’s his point?

He will often do it, for example, if there’s a slightly bigger than usual bag of crisps that I offer to share with him.

At the weekend we were away on a trip with the kids. I bought myself a small bag of sweets in a sweet shop - my favourite sweets, and ones he markedly dislikes. I offered him one, he declined, as I expected he would. The kids had a couple. I finished the bag and he said ‘I’ll have one of those now.’

Why? He doesn’t like them. I think he’s trying to make a point that I’m greedy or something, or to make me feel bad. But he sets me up by declining whatever it is until it’s all gone.

This is in the context of him being very very overweight and never exercising. My weight is in the normal range and I exercise quite a bit, so I really don’t think he’s making a point about my weight or my eating habits.

??

If this is the only issue I'd let it go with just a benign comment " Of course It's all gone. You didn't want any"
It's his issue connected to his weight. Nothing to do with you as such.

I would always leave one sweet or square of chocolate,ate, just to call his bluff.

No idea why there’s an extra “ate” there.

So he knows it’s all gone when he asks for one? That’s really weird. I’d be asking him why he does this all the time, it would annoy the shit out of me.

I'd say 'you know they are all gone, you keep being forgetful about what's left lately are you ok?'

But maybe he genuinely thinks you haven't eaten them all in one go. Most people have a large bag of whatever it is and go back for more at a later time whereas yours aren't lasting.

Might be linked to the reason he overeats - he's scared on a fundamental level that he might be missing out.

So he doesn't want the thing until it's gone - and then there's a panic that it's gone.

If he's from a family of overweight people, could there be a possibility that if he didn't have something immediately, it would be taken and scarfed down by the parent?

I know that, from my childhood, if I paused eating for a second, not only would I have to fight off raiding attacks from my older siblings, my mother would quite happily say I couldn't have any more because I didn't eat it immediately and hand it over to an older brother or eat it herself.

In short, 'You snooze, you lose' was the refrain to justify taking my food (and treats) away because I hadn't eaten them all immediately.

If you have a biggish bag of crisps say, just pour some into a small bowl and leave them. Same with a sweet or whatever. If he actually decides he wants them but wants more tough shit. He can play games all on him own.

Ignore this childish behaviour and he’ll give up.
Offer once then, if he declines, let everyone else eat it all. When he changes his mind just say, “All gone!” And change the subject. Nothing else, no discussion.

Make sure you save one of everything you eat, s rumple up the packet and put in your pocket. Then when he asks you can say “oh, yes here you go there’s one left!”
Call his bluff!