To find this man creepy/inapropriate?

[ManonBlackbeak]

A while back a man who attends the same gym as me added me as a friend on FB and Instagram. We also have the same PT and have attended the same classes and you do get to know people this way, especially as the PT has an FB group for all of her clients so there is sort of connection there but in all honesty Ive hardly spoken to him properly.

This man I'd say is in his late 40's to early 50's and doesn't seem to have very good social skills, which is why Ive sort of tolerated his behaviour until now. He comments on everything I do, likes everything I share and these comments are always about how good I look etc. This isnt just directed at me, he's added countless other women from the gym and does the same to them and he also posts similar things on the female PT's accounts (never the men funnily enough). Furthermore he'll approach me at the gym to talk, stares at me and one time when in the same class insisted on standing right next to me and then touched my arm at the end of class which is when I think he crossed a line. I mean who touches someone they barely know?!

I feel like im being a bit mean, but honestly he gives me the creeps. Ive now blocked him on FB, but im sure Ill run into him again.

Ive tried to be offhand or dismissive and it doesn't work. But at the same time he's not done anything that I could really make a complaint about other than cross a few boundaries, but I do feel he's joined the gym as a way to meet women and feels we are all fair game.

Is there anything I can do?

Eurgh I had the same problem with a guy at the gym a few years ago, he was an utter sleaze. I messaged the manager and told her it was putting me off going to the gym and it was making several women feel uncomfortable - he was barred the following day.

Sounds like a creep who’s playing the numbers game.

If you feel able to, complain to the gym or have a quiet word with the instructor- you might not be the first and it will alert them to a pattern if people are complaining.

He’s pushing your boundaries to get you to lower them by touching you, standing too close etc so have your boundaries a bit higher for this guy.

Maybe have some responses prepared for if he touches you again so you can say firmly “Don’t touch me” etc in the moment.

Feel free to blank him if he tries to talk to you - you are there to use the facilities, not make him feel good about himself. You don’t have to be polite to someone who isn’t being polite to you and disrespecting your gym time.

The thing is I’m not sure if he’s actually done anything that I can complain about other than being a bit inappropriate.

Just make sure he gets the message next time you see him. Blank him, move away, etc. Hopefully he will notice you have removed him from social media and get the hint

The thing is I’m not sure if he’s actually done anything that I can complain about other than being a bit inappropriate.

Doesn’t matter - your spider senses are tingling. You could tell the instructor he’s not done anything outrageous but has been inappropriate at the gym and online and you’re getting a weird vibe and want her to know in case anyone else is getting the same treatment.

Him being “a bit” inappropriate is what I was referring to when I suggested he’s pushing your boundaries - he’s just doing it subtly - nudging them a bit lower each time so you question yourself rather than him. You can shut that down if you want by taking a zero tolerance attitude to him.

Listen to your instincts.

You’ve got to push back against years’ worth of socialisation we all have to be nice and tolerate ‘awkward’, inappropriate men. You don’t have to wait until you’re assaulted or something to complain - he’s crossing boundaries already.

Listen to your gut feeling. Unfriend him on social media. Is he actually a friend? You are not obliged to be nice to him.

He definitely sounds creepy

Just sounds like someone who wants to make friends /get a girlfriend. Poor guy probably wanted to make friends so he joined a gym and communicated with his new friends through facebook.

Next time, look him in the eye and say 'fuck off'

He’s got a habit of commenting inappropriately on the OP’s appearance, staring at her and now he has moved on to touching her. He’s trampling all over normal boundaries, and she feels creeped out, yet some people are still saying “poor guy”?

Ffs

@bookmum08 he’s only doing it to the women so likely isn’t just trying to make friends, he’s hitting on women. He’s joined a gym, not a dating agency or social club. The women should be able to use the gym without having to deal with some guy hitting on them or otherwise behaving in a way they find creepy.

So what social places are acceptable for people (male or female) to go to if they are interested in trying to find friends or potential girlfriend/boyfriend? Maybe this guy is a creepy perv or maybe not. I don't know. But talking to the females at a gym and chatting to them online doesn't scream 'perv' to me. Just a normal guy.

@bookmum Pub, online dating, speed dating, singles events, meet-up groups that specifically state socialising. There are literally loads of options. If the op is getting creepy vibes, then that’s what matters most, not his intentions.

Sorry if people are being a bit offended by what I wrote but lately all I seem to read on mumsnet is 'all blokes are pervs and /or useless'.
This place seems to be getting more and more anti man.
Apologies to you OP. Obviously you know the situation more than us randoms on the internet.

I think if he were there to make friends then he’d be chatting to the men at the gym as well. He’s not, and it does seem to be targeted towards us women.

It might just be that he’s very socially awkward, his social skills do seem very poor however it just makes me feel really creeped out and uncomfortable.

Really hate this creepy behaviour. As soon as a guy acts like this, shut him down and don't feel guilty. Don't let them latch on, they'll stalk the fuck out of you and there's little you can do about it, realistically.