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How could I have handled this better?

8 replies

Icouldstillbejoseph · 17/02/2020 15:10

I was out walking today and saw a youngish m/f couple (I'd guess about 15) arguing. The female was really crying and the male looked like he was trying to grab her hand repeatedly - she didn't seem to want that.
Anyway, I walked past and then thought of my own DD and went back and asked the girl if she was ok. No reply. I said "I just want to make sure you're safe, if you would like me to stay with you, or walk somewhere with you then I will"
The male then says "please tell the lady you're ok as this is the third person who's stopped now"
The female said (no eye contact) "I'm fine"
I said "sure?"
She said "yes" so I left them alone.

I finished my walk wondering how I could have handled that better? I was initially buoyed by the fact 2 others had stopped but then I thought that meant the situation was obviously concerning more people than just me.

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JasminaPashmina · 17/02/2020 15:16

Advice from DV organisations is not to get directly involved, don't ask the woman if she needs help. Abusive men will rarely say or do anything to the intervening woman but will take it out on their partner later on.

Sad Sad

JasminaPashmina · 17/02/2020 15:18

The best thing to do is call the police.

Icouldstillbejoseph · 17/02/2020 15:26

Oh shit - hope those that stopped haven't made it worse :/

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Icouldstillbejoseph · 17/02/2020 15:27

@JasminaPashmina as in 999 or 101?

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SwishSwishSheesh · 17/02/2020 15:32

Was the boy agitated or exasperated? Was trying to hold the palm of her hand or grabbing forearm etc? Did the girl look frightened or just sobbing? There's just not enough information to make any kind of educated guess.

Icouldstillbejoseph · 17/02/2020 15:34

@SwishSwishSheesh it wasn't like an immediate harm threat - in my perception. The male actually seemed caring and reasonable (I know that's often the case) and she just seemed upset - not sobbing but tearful. She wouldn't look up. She just said she was fine.
She didn't look physically hurt that I could tell.

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PawPawNoodle · 17/02/2020 15:35

From the limited information you've given it doesn't sound like he was abusing her. It's just as likely that they were breaking up in the very dramatic way that teenagers do, and he's stayed with her because she's sobbing and is trying to comfort her by holding her hand.

If three people have stopped and asked if she's okay, she's had three opportunities to leave. She didn't want to leave.

Icouldstillbejoseph · 17/02/2020 15:35

@SwishSwishSheesh actually I think the best word to describe how she looked was a bit sulky tbh. But with tears.

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