What is a reasonable expectation of godparents?

[Thefifthbeatle]

Our DC's godparents are family friends who send birthday and Christmas presents and see our DC when the two families get together, but don't generally make specific arrangements to spend one on one time with the relevant DC. I wouldn't really expect them to - they also have children to look after, busy jobs, limited annual leave etc. I have never considered that their level of involvement or lack thereof was unusual.

My DH also has a godchild but this godchild's parents seem unhappy with this level of involvement. They comment often that DH hasn't spent enough time with his godchild and whenever we visit, perhaps twice a year due to distance, they push hard for DH and his godchild to go off and do things together for the day (leaving me to look after our young children, of course...) We are at the point where DH is using his limited annual leave to go and take his godchild out for the day. I feel that we just don't have enough leeway in our lives right now to accommodate this. I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row for months and would absolutely love a break. AIBU and precious? Is this just a basic requirement for godparents? He became a godparent before we had children of our own. I'm not sure we realised how little time we'd have once kids arrived.

No that’s completely bonkers. It sounds like you have the correct expectations of your own DCs godparents, I would think gifts etc and polite interest is as far as is necessary.

Depends I'd say, is your husband expected to be the child's guardian if something happens to the parents? More of a "traditional" godparent role I suppose? Or are the parents religious and expecting him to contribute to the child's education in that sense?

I have 4 children and I’m pregnant with our 5th. I have 2 God children. I send them birthday and Christmas presents and randomly I’ll send gifts or cash with a letter. I also save £5 a month for each of them. My Goddaughter is invited on our family holidays and used to come regularly until she turned 13 and now wants to spend time with her friends instead: my Godson, is also my nephew so we don’t invite him on holidays as we do go on a lot of holidays together anyway: he does come for sleepovers and if he has a training day at school or similar then I’ll ask to have him so I can take him out one on one to spend time with him and treat him. With My own children... my first ds Godparents are also his Auntie and Uncle, they don’t spend any extra time with him but do spoil him when they visit or we visit them. My second ds only has contact with one Godparent and has occasional sleepovers and birthday and Christmas gifts. My 3 child see his Godparents regularly, they go out of their way to take him on holidays and spend time with him (their daughter is the same age). My 4th child barely sees his Godparents and they don’t send cards for his bday or at Christmas. I’m more frustrated with this than anything else. I don’t Think it’s unreasonable to use annual leave on a Godchild and to include them in your own family time too. For me, it’s an honour to love and care for 2 extra children and I want to spend time with them too. Obviously with my own experiences of my children’s Godparents not everyone is and feels the same and that’s okay too

Technically, the godparents role is to support the parents with bringing up the child in the Christian faith. I am godmother to four of my nieces and nephews, I don't really do anything above and beyond what I do for the other nieces and nephews in terms of presents and spending time.

We’re godparents to 7 children (Also aunt and uncle to 3 of those) and we send birthday and Xmas gifts and see them during catch ups with their parents a couple of times a year ( more with my niece and nephews obviously) Nothing more. I think that’s unreasonable expectations on your husband for sure.
My DS doesn’t have any godparents because he won’t be christened.

They haven't ever suggested that DH should do anything on the religious front, or discussed legal guardianship on the event of an accident etc. They more often suggest outdoor sporting activities.

I also think that’s totally odd.

I am a godparent. I send presents and ask after her a normal amount but only because she’s a close friend’s child not because of the god parent bit. I haven’t spent any one on one time.

Who do they want to pay for these activities? Are they expensive hobby one, sailing, kayaking etc that they are also looking for your DH to fund.... (Am in a negative mood today sadly!)

Meh only two of my DCs 5 godparents even bother with presents, the others show no interest whatsoever and are, tbh, a bit pointless.

I think of the ones who send presents as going above and beyond, really. Definitely no more is required maybe until they're approaching teenage/young adult age, then it might be nice for them to go off and do some stuff together.

I'm a godparent to 2 children in separate families and often wondered if I do enough too? Both have younger siblings which I'm not a godparent of, but I've never thought to take 'my' godchild out on their own. I've always treatment them and their siblings the same in terms of giving birthday/Christmas presents etc. We only see them maybe 4x a year due to distance though.
What are they expecting your OH to do with the godchild? . They sound either bonkers or demanding. Could you ask what exacting they are expecting a godparent to do?

I don't think I had any contact with my Godparents after the age of about 5!
I was godmother to my friends son and used to send presents for birthdays and Christmas. When he was young, days out involved our friendship group and their children rather than 1:1 with godson. As he got older it was more about chatting with him when I visited his parents house and taking an interest in what he was doing. I was never expected to be his guardian if anything happened to his parents.
Neither of my DC's were christened so didn't have any godparents.

I have three DC, with a total of nine godparents, and none of them have ever been taken out by any of them without me or DH.

However, as a child, I was taken out by my godparents (a married couple). They didn't have kids themselves so I can see now that they had the time to do this.

I think your DH needs to politely decline. Your own family comes first.

I'm not a godparent and my dc don't have godparents but I have godparents myself. Godparents are meant to be mentors, someone you can go to for advice, spiritual guidance etc.

I haven’t seen my god parent in 17 years.
Are they strictly religious? I don’t care for the role of godparents much. It means absolutely nothing but goddy tosh these days.

Birthday and Christmas cards and presents and a card for religious sacraments. Presents are to a value of about £20 here. One godparent did give me a little money for premium bonds at his christening. No pressure for a more special relationship they see them when we do. To be honest my friends were doing me a favour as most of my own family has left the church and wouldn’t want to take on even a nominal religious role.

They are too unusually demanding. Some children lose any contact with their god parents altogether after a few years. Having them is just what is required for a child to be Christened - for the ceremony - they promise something during it, I think - but not a day's outing etc.

That's quite demanding!
My godmother took me out for a day trip once when I was 15! I was invited round to her house every now and again. She sent cards at Christmas and birthday but I'm not sure if I got presents. Don't think so.
Other godparent gave cards and a present on my 18th. Contact only at family gatherings.
Other we met up with as family. Gave Christmas and birthday presents.

DH has a godchild. We sometimes do activities as a family. Meet up Christmas (small gifts e.g. books/tokens) and birthday and once during the year. Also give Easter gifts. Never been suggested that we do something with her alone.