Fucking massive wake up call

[SingleSidedShoulderShrug]

7 years I've been with my H. I'm 28. We're having a bit of a hard patch at the moment and I'm living back with my parents because I'm dealing with my mental health and I want to sort that out.

I sat there tonight listening to him on the phone talking about if we get through this, if we get back together and I thought fuck me ive got no one. I've somehow managed to only have mutual friends and all his family have pulled rank now so they're ignoring me. I always loved my mil. My sil (not his sister) has told him everything I've ever whinged about during lunches.. I'm in the middle of nowhere struggling with my mental health and I have have 1 friend that isn't intertwined with him.

I do hope we can get through it, of course I do. But I'm not going to go back the same person, I'm going to get myself fitter, healthier, better with finances and I'm going to join some bloody groups! I want my own friends.

I really want to block his family on social media but I know it will cause issues.

I'm really worried that he wouldn't want to reconcile and I'm stuck here forever, I love him so much but obviously I can't force him to be with me.

Anyone else had a wake up call?

Also remind him that sexual assault is a serious crime and that he should be massively supporting to you. Ask him he thinks it's acceptable to be unsupportive towards someone who's been assaulted...again, best to do this face-to-face, not during a phone call.

In your shoes I would:

1. Have a social media cleanse. Close your accounts. It's not good for your mental health, anyway. No messing about blocking people. No one can complain about this and you can use other means to keep in touch with the people who positively contribute to your life.

2. Certainly get fit. Maybe get a Fitness tracker. Take up running. Very good for mental health. Don't post about your fitness though, again too many opportunities to get drawn in to social media comparisons.

3. Just get busy with your own stuff. Write a list of things you enjoy and do them.

OP I don't think buying a house with H is a good idea right now, is there any way you can back out of that? it's just one more entanglement. I agree with PPs who think that this should not be about your H forgiving you, more about how your H can support you. Also agree with PP who recommends getting away from social media. Just suspend your accounts for 3 months, get fit, meet some new people IRL that are nothing to do with your H and his family and see how much better you feel (speaking as someone who has recovered from ptsd and found all of these things very helpful)

Why would you close on a house and risk further entanglement with a man who is so unsupportive?

He sounds like a right twat.

As for your SIL. Bitch.

I think you can and deserve better.

Wishing you well.

Sounds like you might be better off without him....

He doesn't get to decide whether he forgives you for a reaction to a seriously traumatic event

My sil (not his sister) has told him everything I've ever whinged about during lunches.

Early on in our marriage I was taking to mum Mum & Dad about things, DH found out, he didn't say anything, sulk or whatever but I knew him well enough to know he was more than a little unhappy. We talked about it and as he put it if you start telling one or two people you may as well put an add in the local paper (stick it on FB these days). People don't keep confidences. We agreed on what was private between us and asked if it was ok to tell anyone. Either of us could veto the other on anything they were involved in. Now you know the same, you told your SiL things and they spread, remember the lesson.

So sorry about the assault while he was right getting you to report it he doesn't seem to have been a tower of strength supporting you. You deserve better.

Whoa - so he's basically expecting you to apologise for having PTSD after a sexual assault and the shit hitting the fan after reporting it, and to apologise for having a suicidal situation and then going missing?
You're going through ALL THAT and he wants a fucking apology??

Yeah, nope.

I wouldn't actually have him back after that. He's making your distress and your mental health all about him. Fuck that.

If you have any financial involvement in this new house, which you probably do as a married woman, then pull out of it now. If you have to go back to the house, go with at least one of your parents. If you want to take your stuff, that's up to you but do it because you want to, not out of some misplaced sense of guilt.

Your husband is the one who should be apologising to you for letting you down when you most needed support - I can't believe he's such a self-centred twat.

SO sorry

Your husband is the one who should be apologising to you for letting you down when you most needed support - I can't believe he's such a self-centred twat.
Totally agree.
I'm really so sorry that things are so tough for you at the moment. My guess is that the way he treats you, hasn't helped.
Courage to you to get through this