How would you handle this?

[PickledLily]

7 year old freaking out because she can't think of a suitable name for the character she's pretending to be. I've suggested a few things, but it ends in her shrieking and whinging that it's not a suitable name. She won't drop it either. It's been 45 minutes now, on and off. I've tried getting her to focus on something else, to do something else, but she keeps coming back to it. I've been very calm so far and explained that I don't like being shrieked at but have had to walk away because I'm going to lose it, I've had enough of being screamed at. She's stomped off in tears.
I'm not handling this very well, how would you deal with it? I need some suggestions.

She sounds overwhelmed. Is something else stressing her out?

With one of mine hugs and kisses work, but I can see why that might make other children even more on edge and they might need some quiet time.

Give her half an hour quiet time in her room? If that doesn't work no harm in using a more serious voice to tell her that you are not willing to discuss name selection any more.

It sounds to me like you’ve handled it perfectly. I’d tell her in my best ‘firm mummy’ voice that this behaviour is not ok and that she’s to stay in her room until she’s calmed down. Then have a good cuddle when she’s calm, tell her you love her and explain why she mustn’t shriek at people like that.

Possibly something else but she's not letting on what it is. I've tried hugs and kisses, but she keeps going on about finding a name.
I sometimes wish they came with a troubleshooting manual!

Hi PickledLily, my 5 year old gets very upset and irrational when he's hungry. Has she had breakfast or maybe she needs a snack?

Thanks Frosted. She's calmed down a bit but hates talking about stuff afterwards, she will walk out of the room, put her hands over her ears or freak out again. It's like walking on eggshells.

It probably is food related, she refused breakfast earlier, she wasn't hungry and then freaked out because I asked her again. She's had something now. She is STILL going in about her name. Give me strength. Time to get her out if the house me thinks.

Is there not an app for creating a name?

Send her to her room and she can come back when she's calmed down/got a name/had food etc.

You're doing a stirling job

I don't think you should tolerate any more naming discussion now.

She doesn't have to talk about being upset, many DCs find it difficult to talk directly. Maybe she'll talk at bedtime or in a couple of days.

Be that as it may, going on about the naming is unacceptable. She needs to stop, or go to her room until she can stop.

Send her to her room to calm down, once she's calm tell her you won't tolerate 'drama' and then give her a snack.

stop pandering to it.

In what way is the op pandering to it?

@HugoSpritz you don't think it's sad that I child who is likely distressed about something is ignored and denied comfort? Yes ok, OP's child is being a pain in the bum but there's putting boundaries in and then there's teaching her to ignore her emotions...

HugoSpitz while it is difficult to say without knowing the OP's child, it is quite probably that the little girl is not upset because of the naming problem, but has focused all her stress on the naming problem and this is where it is all coming out. Hugs and kisses can reassure a child who is bewildered by her own emotions and give her time to regain control while feeling loved. Whatever the reason the child is genuinely upset and it's not pandering or indulging to console young children who are upset and are having difficulty processing their emotions. It is highly unlikely that the OP's child is trying to manipulate her because firstly she is very young and secondly what is she supposed to be manipulating her into? The child is escalating the situation because she doesn't know how to deescalate it or how to control her emotions.

HugoSpitz feeling a bit too delicate for this discussion are you? Need some hugs and kisses?

Have you got a baby names book?

Oh wow, this thread is still going!

Hugo, you demonstrate perfectly the environment I was raised in. Showing your emotions was a no-no. Which is why I struggle to find the right line to tread with not pandering but being mindful of what DD is actually trying (but failing) to communicate to me.

DD was definitely overwhelmed rather than manipulating. As it happens, more food mostly solved the explosive outbursts. But she kept coming back to me about a name throughout the day. Eventually, at 6pm (yes, you read that right) she announces that she has a name. She was proudly jumping around the house 'in character' for the rest of the evening.
They certainly know how to test us

Ah I seen to have stumbled into one of those groups who can't possibly say no to their child, or tell them to stop whinging

The OP did both of things

Why do you feel so threatened by parents who can implement firm boundaries whilst still supporting their child?

You can say no without making children feel crap about themselves.