The freedom programme? Is it worth doing?

[clpsmum]

Seen a few people mention the freedom programme and I'm wondering if it's worthwhile me doing it?

I split from my husband two and a half years ago but the gaslighting, emotional abuse etc still continues. Would this course benefit me or is it more for physical violence and people still living with abusive partners? Thanks

@MushroomTree
I've got an extensive list of breaches. I'm so sick of it. He definitely needs some sort of help.

@Livingthedream12345 unfortunately it's up to him to access and engage with support and in my experience perpetrators rarely do.

If he doesn't want to change then there's nothing you can do except keep yourself and DD safe.

@MushroomTree this the problem. He sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. I am expected to just tolerate it, forever it seems. To date the abuse has not been acknowledged. Ridiculous.

@Livingthedream12345 they very very rarely do. And even if they do they find something to blame it on. You, their mental health, their childhood, work stress, blah blah blah. The list of excuses is endless.

But you're fighting back. The non-mol is a step in the right direction. Keep fighting

Thanks @MushroomTree
I will. I need to for both DD and me.
Thanks for the flowers.

You're welcome @Livingthedream12345. One day your DD will thank you for it.

I hope it ends soon for her sake too.

He doesn't seem to acknowledge that she is affected too. Very short sighted.

I found having a better understanding of the dynamics of abuse in all its manifestations helped me cope with active abuse. It made it easier to spot what he was doing, label it, mentally detach myself, avoid stepping into traps, and strategise where necessary. It was also a useful and necessary sanity check and made me feel less alone.

I do think the group conversations are vital to what you get from the course. It gives you space to ask questions, clarify things, and delve into it in more depth. If you have an example from your life that isn't explicitly mentioned in the book, for instance, and you're talking yourself round in circles about whether it's abuse or not you can just pipe up and ask "what about if someone did x, is that another example of financial abuse?" when you're covering that section.

You can't ask a book questions and it can't offer you support and understanding or re-explain something that went over your head!

Plus at least in the group I attended the facilitators could tap into the network of DV support locally if you asked for practical help. They wouldn't impose anything or assume (the point of FP is that they won't charge in telling you what to do) but if you approached them to ask they were great.

@Livingthedream12345 he won't. He might have something to feel guilty about if he acknowledges the impact.

I agree with what user says. Definitely worth doing it in a group setting.

Livingthedream12345

If he recognised his abuse was wrong and accepted the impact on your daughter he wouldn't be abusing you both anymore. Both of those things are part and parcel of abuse and enable him to sustain the cycle. It might help you to label it that way?

My frustration at the injustice of it eased (enough to feel like I wasn't going to implode anyway) once I started treating his insistence he was doing nothing wrong etc etc as just as abusive as anything else he did to hurt/control me.

Take comfort if you can from the knowledge that people like us see through him and recognise what he's doing. The community at large might not, but we do.

@user18463585026 I couldn't agree more.

Stick together ladies, together we will rise.

@user18463585026
Thanks. He'll never change. He knows no different.
So glad he's not in my house anymore!

It definitely is worth doing the freedom programme, it saved my life and went on to spare me from any future abusers. I am a trained facilitator with details of online programmes. Please contact me for more details or for some like minded support x

It definitely is worth doing the freedom programme, it saved my life and went on to spare me from any future abusers.

I am a trained facilitator with details of online programmes. Please contact me for more details or for some like minded support x