Ladies, please help, I feel like I could burst into tears atm...
I’m sorry if I sound like I’m overreacting but I feel so upset and disrespected right now!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We live together and we have three kids between us. We have a good relationship most of the time and I love him a lot and he’s so good with my kids, they adore him and he treats them like his own.
The problem is that I’m a firm believer that when you’re in a relationship with someone you love a lot, you should only have eyes for them and make them feel like they’re the most important person in the world. I’m not stupid, I know when you’re in a relationship, you’re still going to look at another person and think they’re good looking but I believe you shouldn’t point it out to your partner. I absolutely hate it! He’s a massive social media fan, he’d constantly got his phone in his hand looking at Instagram or Facebook. In the past, he had a lot of half naked lady pages on Instagram and he’d constantly like the pictures and comment on them (I’d see this when the likes list was available on Instagram). I understand that celebrities are silly crushes however, quite a few of his likes were on half naked pics of women he personally knows. That made me feel really uncomfortable so I voiced how it made me feel and he apologised and said that he was being insensitive by doing it and said he’d get rid of those pages and stop liking the pics (I don’t have anything like that on social media and wouldn’t dream of liking a pic like that out of respect for him).
It’s been fine until the other day when we were chatting and I told him about one of my friends that had split up with her boyfriend after constantly catching him perving over other women on social media and in daily life and feeling like she wasn’t enough for him. My boyfriend suddenly got really angry and defensive saying that my friends ex obviously wasn’t getting what he wanted at home and that it’s just a bloke thing to do...when I stuck up for her and said how she felt like she wasn’t enough for him, he threw a massive tantrum and it ended in a massive argument. He tried to justify it by saying he that one of his female friends on Instagram posts underwear pictures and he likes them to “boost her confidence” just the same as he does to my pictures (I hasten to add that I don’t post half naked pictures just normal selfies every now and then).
I let that go and we’ve gone on as normal for the last couple of weeks. Tonight, we've got one of his male friends here. I finished putting the kids to bed, went to the kitchen which is next to our living room and he was sat talking to his friend. I heard me boyfriend saying “f*k me, look at her mate, wow, look her mate. What about her? Mate it would be 0- sticky in 30 seconds with her. Look at that one mate”. I went into the living room and my boyfriend quickly put his phone down (that they’d both been looking at) and asked if I was ok. Despite me feeling really annoyed, I smiled and carried on like normal. I went into the kitchen and my boyfriend asked me what was wrong so I said “she’d make you 0- sticky in 30 seconds would she??”, he looked really sheepish and said “babe, it’s just lad talk”. I said “I though you didn’t have stuff like that on your phone anymore? You know how I feel about that stuff. It makes me feel like I’m not enough for you”. He then went off in a strop and said I was being stupid. He then came up to me five minutes later saying how sorry he was and that he shouldn’t have said it and that he only has eyes for me. Since then (this was about a couple of hours ago) he’s been coming up to me pawing at me, telling me how he’s going to f*k me later and I’m trying to act normal but I feel so upset the fact that he’s got stuff like that on his phone again and that he’s talking like that knowing full well that I’m in earshot of him. I’ve noticed lately that he’s also telling me silly lies... he phoned me the other day from work (35/40 minutes from where we live) and he said he was just leaving work and he was going to go to the pub (two minutes down the road from us) with his mates for a couple of beers. I said ok, I’ll see you when you get in. As I had a couple of hours free (the kids were at their dad’s) I decided to head out to do a food shop. 15 minutes later, I passed the pub he said he was on his way to and his car was already there which means he lied to me. It’s not the first time he’s done it, a week ago, he told me he was coming straight home from work so we could have some couple time. He phones me an hour after he’s due home and tells me he’s caught in traffic coming home from work and that he’d still be an hour or so...ten minutes later, I get a call from one of my family members asking me why I wasn’t at the pub with my boyfriend. When I said because he’s still on his way home, she said he’s not, he’s at the pub with his mates...
I don’t understand it. He’s always telling me that he loves me more than he’s ever loved anyone else, that I’m his beautiful trophy girl, that he’s so proud of me and that everyone’s always telling him how he’s so lucky and that he’s punching but when he does stuff like tonight, he makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him. How do I try to make him see it from my point of view without him telling me I’m overreacting and being controlling? I adore this man but it makes me feel so sad when he does these stupid things.
Sorry for the massive post but it’s built up over the last few weeks and I’m starting to feel massively insecure (even today, we took the kids out and I’m surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash by turning quickly to look at a young girl that was standing behind me).