Hi all..
Hopefully I'm not being childish but this all stems for genuine fear of being left as I've been burnt too many times by this sort of behaviour from men.
My current partner is AMAZING in every way but this is really really bothering me.. so..
My boyfriend is "friends" with this woman, I'll reference her as X. Theyve known eachother for at least 7 years, long time. But I think they lost touch and didnt talk so much in the past few years.
He said she's at his work quite often but never ever stops to chat so I can't imagine they're this friendly to warrant all this but idk.
Apparently every time he goes out with his friends (either just for the day or a night out which is rare) she snapchats him asking wheres her invite. 2 weeks ago we planned a night out as his friends from far away were down and he invited her. So we all went out. It was fine and I didn't notice overly much flirting but maybe that's because I was trying to stay around him as he was the only person I knew well there anyway. I think I asked if they had anything together/hooked up and he immediately said "she friendzoned me"... so I'm left thinking so he did want something with her which is why this all concerns me even more.
And ever since the night out, they are constantly snap chatting and talking on other social platforms. Usually hes quite open about who hes talking to and will, off his own accord, tell me his conversations. But with her he doesnt. He never snaps her infront of me and when we're together, he all wait until I'm out of the room or looking away to talk to her. And I find this WEIRD. Why the sudden change and sneakiness. He doesn't talk to all his friends every day like this and he doesnt even snap me like this. I can't help but feel suspicious.
We've been together 1.5 years now and I do trust him not to cheat but I'm paranoid (through my own insecurities with abandonment and coming 2nd best my whole life) he would leave me for her even tho, imo and he says/shows, we're very happy and talk regularly about our future and are planning to move in together this year.
I can I'm about conscious about my body as I'm a bigger girl, however he fell in love with me like this and has told me from day 1 and still does, how much he loves me and my body (as curvier girls are his type). But woman X is a small curvy girl, which makes me think shes more attractive and with coloured hair which he really likes on women and has 2 little kids. My bf is an older guy in his 30's, he's had a daughter whos a teen now and had relationships in the past with women who have children and has happily taken them on as his own and it really worries me he'd rather be with X with a ready made family so he doesn't have to have more children of his own.
Without being too intense and put too much pressure on him, I've told him I eventually want to have children of my own as this is the only thing in my life I'm 100% sure on. At first I felt like this isnt what he wanted but now I feel like it is something as he said in 3 years when my implant is taken out, we'll see where we are and maybe try from then as he very understandably wants to be financially stable and in our own home to be ready for children. More recently he's been initiating talk about our children and planning, the other day out car shopping, he said we'll need to take into considerate the space in the back for babies.
Sooo yeah. I don't really know what to do but its seriously getting me down and playing with my anxiety and over thinking everything.
I want to talk to him about this but I don't know what I'd even say. I would never tell him to stop talking to someone, I'm not a controlling person and he's had women do this to him and well, they're exes for reasons.
But I'd like him to see this from my POV and how this is making me feel/effecting me. Because I'm sure as hell he'd have a problem and feel the same if I was messaging a guy this much and seemingly secretly.
Thanks for reading! Any advice would be appreciated, even if it's to tell me I'm being ridiculous!
X