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11yr old boy obsessed with girl in class

3 replies

timefliesby · 15/02/2020 15:32

Hi,
My son is a bit impulsive, I’ve already asked him to not contribute on the school group chat as he can’t stop himself jumping in and the other kids, whilst not mean, do take the mickey a bit.
Anyway, he has been having texts back and forth with this girl, for the most part it’s a mutual friendship but he seems to want to establish that she is his girlfriend. He doesn’t like the fact today that she’s gone on a day trip with her mum, another boy from their class and his mum.
I have tried to explain to him, that they are 11, that she is entitled to have as many male friends as she pleases. But he is getting terribly upset and overwrought about it. He’s also a bit much - you know, always messaging etc. (When he has his phone at least, I do have strict curfews). He made her a valentine’s card and bought chocolates and he messages her to ask if she liked the card & the chocolates she says yes and then he says “should I have bought flowers?.” He suffers with low self-esteem - I don’t know why as I’ve always been very vocal that he is loved unconditionally. He suffers with anxiety. If I say stuff to him to try and encourage a more chilled attitude towards friendships he can go from 0-100 in five seconds, yelling and crying and banging things down. He does also have focus issues and he does tend to dominate conversations at the dinner table too and have to be fiddling with something constantly. I am having a chat with his doctor Monday as I thought he’d grow out of these but apparently not. I am not sure what to do? In fact I’m quite sad as at 11 I don’t think this should be dominating his life and I’m worried for when it really is a romantic relationship. He can not go through life being possessive and jealous! Help!

OP posts:
Louise91417 · 15/02/2020 15:42

Well done you for recognising there is a problem. I went through this with my oldest ds and it is easy to hope for the best and that they will outgrow it but that usually doesnt happen, so you are doing right trying to intervene now. From what you have said, the similarities are very noticible to my own ds, who was diagnosed with adhd. Have a chat with gp and mention everything you have mentioned here and take it from there. Recognising these signs at an early age really can help for later life and your support will be pricelessWink

timefliesby · 15/02/2020 16:09

@Louise91417 thank you for your reply, yes I have my suspicions about adhd but wasn’t sure the label would be helpful? What kind of support have you managed to get? Lord knows some support would be good!

OP posts:
Louise91417 · 15/02/2020 22:06

Getting a diagnosis ( if needed) will be helpful for you in regards of discipline and understanding and having a diagnosis will help you no what help to look for. There are a lot of support groups out there and can be helpful for you to talk to people who understand..i have pm you if you wpuld to discuss further..

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