How do you manage what's probably age-appropriate teasing / cheekiness?

[thegreekgoddessofcheese]

My 10yo DS is a lovely boy generally, but he's reached that stage where we're starting to get a bit of backchat, and some mean teasing of his DB (8). A typical example: both DC's at the table. DS1 will say something a bit mean ("DB can't do 7 times table, what a baby!"). DS2 will start to get upset (he's a drama llama anyway). I'll tell DS1 to stop, but he'll carry on quietly, and then just laugh to himself, that cheeky laughter when they know they've done something wrong and think it's hilarious.
It's at that point i see red. I just can't take the bloody insolence. So I'll send him to his room, or tell him no console at the weekend, or some such. Then he'll get really upset, and I'll get accused of treating him unfairly.
And on it goes

But I'm not sure if I should just actually ignore it! I'm pretty sure this kind of behaviour is not untypical for a child of this age. And teasing sibling did also normal. That I really struggle with as I'm an only, so have no reference point for sibling relationships. DH, however, said his siblings were all generally awful to each other when they were growing up (they all get on brilliantly now).

How does everyone else manage this? Help!

@thegreekgoddessofcheese
Yes, your DH is absolutely right about teasing. A lot of siblings tease each other. My older sister by 2 1/2 years teased me, and we get along brilliantly now...but, that doesn't make it right to allow teasing.... my sister is very sorry for the mean teasing that she did to me and of course, I have forgiven her 100% but you know what? She STILL feels guilty and nothing I can say can change that..
I feel that teasing wounds the soul...not only the soul of the one who is teased but the soul of the teaser...Our mother didn't realize the impact of the teasing so she didn't put a stop to it...and of course I do not blame her...she was a wonderful mother...Others on MN might say I should not have taken it so seriously and should have been tougher, but I didn't realise it was wounding me at the time.
Teasing is really just a more pleasant term for bullying. What is the reason someone feels they need to tease? Inferior feelings, jealousy, perhaps? I don't know.
I just thought I'd share my own experience with teasing with you. Maybe ask DS1 why he feels the need to tease his brother...he may be getting teased at school or having trouble in another area of his life.

aak Him outright

Does it make you feel big and clever to belittle other people and hurt their feelings?

How would he feel if mum said he was stupid every day, would it upset him?

There is a difference between teasing someone and being nasty to make himself feel good

*aak Him outright

Does it make you feel big and clever to belittle other people and hurt their feelings?*

Oh yes belittle a child to teach him a lesson about belittling other people

OP your DH is right. Siblings are knobs to each other. It's par for the course. DS2 will soon start joining in.

GiveHerHellFromUs

And your idea is just let him to continue with his behaviour unchecked and let his brother emulate the same as it’s par for the course

Two of my kids (no 1 and 2) were thick as thieves until the eldest got to 11. That is when older DC started teasing/bullying younger DC and I think it did come from
the general chat/sassiness at school. I also remember getting to a certain age and not wanting to be associated with my younger brother as it wasn’t cool so I do think it is normal. As regards what to do about it, I always found lying down at night with my kids and chatting through things that happened in the day helped. Rather than instant harsh punishments you could always bring back the start charts! I know teachers who still use stickers at gcse level.... so x stickers per week = games console on weekend. I always tell my kids when an issue arises that we will work on it together to get over it - explain calmly why it upsets you and affects your other child etc one evening and take it from there. Usually the whole how would you feel if you had an older brother who was doing this to you etc does work

@ivykaty44 it doesn't have to go unchecked. OP can tell him it's not nice, or remind him that at that age he couldn't do things either.

She can use it as an opportunity to teach him about being kind and that some people take a little longer than others to learn but they get there eventually. She can encourage him to help his brother rather than mocking him.

What she shouldn't do is humiliate and belittle a child for acting like a child.

Our family rule is that a joke is only funny if everyone finds it funny. It sounds like he is being deliberately mean, so I think you are right to address his behaviour.

I wonder if things would go better if you kept the kids engaged in mote constructive conversation over meals to avoid the comments starting - I find our dc's behaviour around a table is a lot better if I either lead a conversation (e.g. let's all say the best/worst/funniest thing that happened to us today) or a game (e.g. can you guess what film I'm thinking of in 20 questions).