EA allegations...who would you believe.

[madamandthemartyr]

This is a 'hypothetical' situation, in the sense that I am the person making allegations.

Ex DP was long term emotionally and financially abusive, we are current going through the family court- part of the C100 asks about domestic abuse, so I put the truth.

Having seen the forms- Ex's new partner of a few months is now shouting about how I am a lier etc.

So I suppose my question is, if you had a new partner who was accused of DA in any form, would this not make you think or question it in any way? Or would you blindly 'stand by your man'?

*liar - sorry typo

Difficult one. Ex Dh has told all and sundry that I was emotionally and financially abusive. He was the one arrested, more than once. He is the one on Clare’s List.

People tend to believe the person they know, and they want to believe the best of.

And usually they have been told a very different version of events to the truth.

So I suppose my question is, if you had a new partner who was accused of DA in any form, would this not make you think or question it in any way? Or would you blindly 'stand by your man'?

You already know how convincing and manipulative he is and you believed him once. He'll be using all those same tricks on his new partner why would she be less likely to fall for his lies than you were.

That's all very true, and I'm not expecting to be 'sided' with- but just I can't imagine not believing a woman, with not even a tiny bit of doubt.

She may have doubt, just she's not expressing it!

Probably hit a nerve. She won't want to believe she's been taken in by his games. Easier to believe you're the terrible one who broke his heart and he's different with her. She's The One etc. Unfortunately nothing you can do about it. Remain dignified and ignore. The seed of doubt will have been planted and hopefully if he's the same in future (most probably) then she'll notice it quicker because of you.

My ex tells everyone I financially abused him he had at least 8 cars in three years but the fact that my cash card (joint account) was the one mostly used is his "proof" but he used to take my cash card and use my cash card all the time 🤷‍♀️ I cant drive so why would I be buying petrol 🤷‍♀️ he also says because I "accidentally" washed his cash card that's further proof (it still worked) I said its proof he was a fucking idiot for not checking his clothing and why should I have to when he is a grown up

He was also arrested for sexual assault and put abuse on the divorce papers about me (after refusing to sign them for years)

But its all me isnt it I'm the bad one

I think people tend to go with whatever they're told at that point - they might suspect otherwise but won't want to rock the boat so will stay quiet.

I also think that when you first meet a new partner you want to believe they're the good one, you want to believe they're honest and kind and considerate and respectful, and it's far easier to believe that their Ex is a psycho or a liar or an out and out twat than it is to believe that they might just be another arsehole. We peddle all this "be the good, see the good" stuff but actually seeing the good in everyone just leaves us wide open to manipulation.