Etiquette for a 'sort of' wake?

[NoisyBrain]

A close friend's DM died recently. She (the DM) didn't want a funeral, so instead my friend & her DF are having an open house afternoon for friends & family to pop in.

I've never been to a wake like this before (is it still called a wake?) and I'm a bit clueless about the etiquette.

Would you wear black to it? Should DP & I take some flowers? We've already made a donation to the DM's favourite charity in her memory, which my friend knows about.

As someone of anxious persuasion, the thought of 'getting it wrong' is making me fret a little, though I know my friend will have bigger things to worry about on the day of course. Any advice would be gratefully received!

I wouldn't wear black, but dress smartly.
You've donated as requested so flowers probably won't be wanted.
Your close friend will just appreciate you being there & chatting about her DM, giving her a hug if she cries.
If you haven't sent one then take a with sympathy card.

I agree with Lilly Jade - if you have met the mum before then a sympathy card to her dad and your friend with a lovely memory of the lady written into it - if you have one.

No flowers required.

And just ask your friend what colour to wear - also ask if there's anything you can bring to help out? (just like you would at a party).

Thanks for the replies. I'll ask her if we can bring anything to help out and tack on the question about dress code. My friend and I often joke about how we both need 'proper' adults to tell us what to do sometimes, it'll probably give her a welcome chuckle

Did the DM have a popular first name? Maybe if you want to take a gift then look for a rose with that name that they can plant in the garden to remember her by?

That's a lovely idea, thanks. Friend's DM was a keen gardener.