Pondering getting an Au Pair, need some advice.

[3littlemincemeatpies]

We live fairly rurally, 3 DC (in 3 different schools) 2 horses, 2 dogs 500 miles from family, I don’t drive and my military husband has been told that he is going to be deploying for the second half of this year for around 6 months.

I’m definitely having an “Oh Shit’ moment!!! 😭

I wondered if an Au Pair might be a good solution for us, particularly one who can drive and help with DC’s clubs, hobby’s social life’s etc and soften what going to a be a pretty shit time.

There seems to be a lot of different websites/agencies about and I’m not really sure how to even start looking, are some better than others?

I started filling out one form and realised I didn’t have a clue so hoping someone here might be able to help.

How much pocket money would they expect and what other costs would I need to cover?

Is it possible to find someone that has a shared interest as us, for example someone horsey would be the dream and someone that could tow would be even better, how do I go about this?

What is the norm in terms of tasks, all 3 of my DC are at school so the busy time is out of school hours rather than in the day. I had already decided that I was going to get a cleaner to make my life easier, can I tie in the two, especially with not a lot else to do during the day.

We are busy at the weekends, how many days a week is the right amount to ask them to work, is if ok to substitute a weekend day for a week day...

Anything else I should be asking myself, looking for or adding to to any profiles?

You don't want an au pair. You want a cleaner and part time nanny, or a full time housekeeper, for peanuts.

This may answer some of your immediate questions; www.gov.uk/au-pairs-employment-law/au-pairs

Not sure your average 18 year old would be able to tow...a horse box I assume?

Au pairs do "light household duties". So a bit of cleaning would be ok eg vacuuming. But I think you'd need a cleaner too.

@gobbynorthernbird first of all where did say I was going to pay peanuts, I didn’t mention any amount at all as have no idea what is the norm, hence asking on here...

Secondly my point was, where as most Au pairs normally work during the day looking after small children my 3 will all be at school, 2 of which at secondary...

I’m was just wondering whether some of her working hours could go towards a bit of light housework while the house was empty.

@cologne4711 haha yes I thought that would be too good to be true...

Although looking through some agencies I see the age of Au pairs varies, a few girls in late 20’s early 30’s

Thanks for advice, looks like cleaner may be a shout as well as an Au pair.

i was an au pair when i was 19 and it was fab.
i did look after the kids and did basic cooking and helped the older boy with pre school studies.

i also had my own horses in my home country so IF my au pair family would have given me horse related tasks i'd happily been able to do those as i had both the passion and skills for horse related things - you might need a bit linger to find an au pair with horse experience but they do exist!

@abitlostandalwayshungry I do have a bit of time so you never know...🤞🏻😍

good luck!

Most au pairs only provide "wrap around care", so I don't think looking after school age kids before/after school is at all unusual.

Many au pairs want to live in London, or at least in a big city. So I think being rural might be a bit of an issue. That said the horsey aspect might be a bit of a USP that could really appeal to the right person.

I’m on my second au pair (they usually only contract for a year)

I used an agency to find then and interviewed them by telephone.

They are expected to work 20 hours per week and you provide board, pocket money and pay for their English lessons. We pay ours £120 per week and cover all travel costs, her English lessons which are £70 per week and any medical or dental costs she may incur. She can also order any food or toiletries on our shopping bill and if we go on holiday she is welcome to come with us (but would have no childcare if she did - she’d be coming as a family member).

We are scrupulous about not asking her to do more than 20 hours per week without overtime. She is happy fortunately to do full days for us during school holidays and we pay her £10 per hour then.

We also have a cleaner and we don’t ask our au pair to do any housework other than her own laundry and to make sure DS (10) tidies his toys at the end of the day and keeps his room clean (the last is a losing battle).

For us it works really well. We’re still in touch with last year’s au pair who genuinely did become part of the family and both sides get something out of it. I have heard horror stories though of au pairs paid a pittance and expected to do far more than 20 hours a week or very onerous duties and that’s not fair. If you want someone who would do more than an older sibling would be expected to do, you should really be looking for a nanny and paying accordingly

@Cohle we are on Dartmoor so hoping a bit of a selling point to the right person (though certainly wouldn’t have been to me when I was young adult!! 😂)

Just a thought about the towing - I had a riding teacher who used to take me to shows, rallies and events as a child, if my father was working: someone like that, wanting to make a bit of extra cash (maybe ask at Pony Club?) would work better than an au pair for the horsy stuff?

Or - ad in the Lady and Horse and Hound for a mother's help? She'll cost more than an au pair, obviously, but would mean you wouldn't need a cleaner as well - plus, you'll get someone wanting to /comfortable with rural life. You could offer horse accommodation as an incentive if you had space also...

@PilipiliHoho My DH keeps saying everyone will rally round and it will be fine but I absolutely hate relying on people and feeling like a burden when everyone else is has there own busy lives going on...

I did wonder about paying transport/or someone for rally’s/events etc...

What is a mother’s help?

It's kind of what comes between a nanny and a housekeeper - does care for the children, but also helps out with household tasks. Yours are at school, so you don't really need a nanny anyway. You might find someone who can tow, even.

I don't know how much my riding teacher charged for running me about (it was a vvv long time ago) but it wasn't the same price (obviously) for a lesson - which is why I suggested asking a PC instructor, or people there for recommendations. Obviously, it's not as cheap as doing it yourself, but a) that's not an option and b) your situation means you are going to need to throw money at this (as you know). I agree that six months, when the issue is your husband's deployment, is a bit long to depend on others to "rally round".

We're not as rural as Dartmoor, but I will say that the one family in the village who has tried au pars it has never worked out for. They don't like that there's no shop, no public transport (even though they had use of the car), no entertainment, lack of people of a similar age to socialise frequently with- the AONB and wonderful walks have held zero attraction: I don't think any of them lasted to the end of the year. In fairness, this is actually a family who wanted, I think, a nanny/MH on au pair's wages, which also won't have helped, but this is why I am suggesting that you advertise (or look) in the Lady or H and H. There are also agencies that advertise there that specialise in rural appointments, which could be something to think about too-it would be more expensive, obviously, than your own ad, but you'd have an extra layer of support and security I suppose.