Feeling really down and having regrets this morning,

[Hellokittymania]

Long story short, and the thing that's really bothering me… I ran my very own small organization for 13 years, and for a very long time I was in one area… Anyway, in November, on our last program, It was a complete disaster… I was exhausted, but I didn't realize at the time just how much, I wasn't getting along with a colleague, I've had visa issues… This was in another country… And so on… I also had to change where I was staying at the last minute… I have special needs, and changes like this are just awful for me…

I had to cut the trip short, because of the visa issues… And then I had to go straight to Delhi, a place I have never been… And it was a sensory overload at the best of times… I wasn't alone, thank goodness… Otherwise I don't know how I would've handled it. I wanna word from my work there… Which I'm proud of. I never received anything over the years, and I was very happy to be nominated. But I just really wish that that last program had gone well.

I said a few weeks ago that I was going to close the organization, I'm taking a break right now because I can't think straight, I'm exhausted… And I need to look after myself… But even so, I'm almost sure I won't be doing anything in that area anymore… And that area for so long with my home, and so many of those people meant so much to me… I'm trying to take the good, and MoveOn… But right now I just I'm really upset…

Also, and especially if you have run your own business, you know the work involved… It's exhausting… And nobody realizes it… Also, I'm a very kind person, and people we're taking advantage… And some people were extremely jealous… Even though these people have a lot more than I do… They don't realize it though…

I am usually a cheerful person and I can move on from things very easily, just because the nature of what I have to do is very difficult. I have to be able to cope with it…

Gosh, there's a lot going on here. I'm not sure that mumsnet is the right place for this conversation, to be honest. Your post opens up so many questions.

You need to get clear on what your really want. Maybe you need time in order to get there. Maybe you need some time to sit alone and ask yourself how you want your life to look. So many people get into self employment putting the business at the centre of their life, and often they end up with a business that they work for, rather than a business that works for them. It sounds like that is what has happened for you.

Maybe the business is the problem, or maybe its the way the business is structured. But getting to the bottom of that isn't easy with forum messages.

But you are taking time off, which is great.

I've been through something similar, so I do understand. And now I'm building a similar business, but this time on my terms.

Jeezy, it can be quite challenging…

I was reading another thread and I just saw about the cinnamon trust… I might look into doing something like that… Or if anyone else is reading this, I am looking for some new things to try… I'm visually impaired, among other things… So things like group exercise classes Might not be the best thing to try at the moment, but if there something elseLike even going somewhere to play with puppies, I'm all up for it…

I really like sensory things… And doing something at the moment would be a distraction and probably help me…

Do you have anyone that you can chat to about this? I think you might get much better clarity if you were able to speak to someone in real life, I real time.

Jeezy it's very hard to find someone who listens and doesn't tell me that they think my life is fascinating… Or they get jealous… The grass is always greener on the other side you know… That's how people tend to think and tend to view me…

Somebody suggested the other day that things will get better once I hire someone… I don't think they've ever had to hire anyone… I'll just leave it at that…

Since my work was in a different country, people tend to see the travel… And that's all… And because I have a disability, and I do what I do… I would do very mundane things like go out for coffee, and people would go… Oh what a fascinating life… What's fascinating about going out for coffee?

It's not sunny outside, otherwise I would go and take a nice walk somewhere and have a very fascinating coffee… But I think it's going to rain…

While I love travel, it loses its shine very quickly when it's for work!

Hiring people certainly does come with challenges, and a ton of legal responsibility. Depending on what you needed to be fine, there are easier ways to get other people taking some of the workload.

Pm me if you'd like to chat about this sometime (I mean your situation, not hiring people). I do think having a sounding board helps gain clarity.