What were your childcare arrangements for DC1 when having DC2?

[Sorethroatishoos]

Sorry I posted this in pregnancy but posting here for traffic.

Due DD2 in May. DD1 will be 16 months.

I was going to send DD1 to my parents house as they love looking after her (only grandchild) but they’ve broken my trust as I’ve said numerous times I don’t want their dog near DD (darling daughter), but it keeps happening.

I’m tempted to give birth alone but DH (darling husband) won’t be very happy about that. Although he doesn’t actually seem to give a shit about DDs arrival hmm but that’s a separate issue.

DHs parents live 3 hours away and MIL (mother-in-law) works in a school so they can’t look after DD (darling daughter). Plus DD (darling daughter) sees them only a handful of times.

If DD2 could be born during the day on either a Wednesday, Thursday or Friday when DD1 is in childcare that would be great but I don’t see that happening.

I had a list of about 7 friends/neighbours who all offered to help. Most could only do certain days or times depending on work shifts or their OH's work shifts. As it happened, the first person on the list could help out. Came to ours at 3am. DH was back home before DC1 woke.

We only had my Mum to help so it was her or DH would've stayed at home - #1 was at school though which made it a bit easier and I ended up with a planned CS (breech baby not for childcare issues!) so we were able to organise it with minimal disruption in the end.

Could you ask one of your parents to come to yours instead?

Is there a particular reason that you think their dog might be an issue?

My mum came and stayed at mine.
Can't you ask your mum to stay for a couple of days?

We had asked both sets of parents depending on days of the week - for example, DH's parents live close to nursery so the days he was in nursery they'd have had him so they could do drop off and pick up.

As it turned out, I went in to labour at 37 weeks - and both sets of parents were actually on holiday!!! So one of DH's aunties looked after DS, then BIL took over while we waited for my parents to drive home from Scotland to London to take over.

It wasn't ideal but it worked, and we were very grateful to live close by to so many family options. Our alternative would have been one of his keyworkers at nursery who babysits him when needed.

Rather then sending DD to your parents could your mum come to you?

We had friends on stand by if needed but in the end DD was with my parents.

Friend of mine had a home birth with her second so she didn't have to worry about child care. Her eldest actually slept through it all ( she labours quickly) but it meant her DH could deal with DC1 if needed.

Either your Mum comes to you and leaves the dog behind, or you find out through whatever childcare you are using if there is any way they could take her or someone else could. You cannot be the only one to go through this.

Ds2 was planned c section so I could organise childcare in advance which was my Mum and then PIL. I gave birth on a Friday so my Mum took one day off work, then PIL covered the weekend.

Had I gone into labour early it would still have been a c section, both my Mum and PIL are just 1 hour away and could have sorted something between them and at worst Dh would have Ds1 and I would have done it alone.

I could ask either my mum or dad to stay at mine. I just felt a bit cheeky asking them to watch her but then to put conditions on it. I really don’t trust my mum or their dog.

The do actually have three dogs. The other two aren’t as much of a worry. They are elderly now so I still don’t want DD near them but I trust them more than their youngest dog.

My mum can drive but won’t so depending on the day DD2 arrives, my dad will take DD to her regular childcare. My dad will still have to go back home and walk all 3 of their dogs. I don’t trust them to not bring DD back to their house since they’ve broken my trust about the dog more than once.

DH wouldn’t allow my friends to look after add (we’re the only ones with children at the moment) and his closest friends live three hours away.

My siblings have SEN and DHs siblings also live 3 hours away.

We had planned for my brother to drive my mum to us when I went into labour. If we needed childcare sooner, we had a couple of friends who had offered to have DS1 until we could get relatives to us. In the end, I was booked for an induction, so DH drove and collected DM the day before and I went into labour naturally that night, so she was already at our house.

A good friend looked after dd1 when I had ds1. She had a newborn herself when dd2 was born, and parents and in laws wouldn't/couldn't help, so I just gave birth alone. Was fine except hospital staff kept asking me over and over whether I was sure there was nobody to come and be with me or a neighbour etc to go and look after the other kids. It was my best birth though.

DH wouldn’t allow my friends to look after
Why on Earth not? And what are his suggestions?

My DMIL and DM stayed in rotation a week at a time from 38 weeks (DS1 was born at 42 weeks). DS2 arrived at 41 weeks. Had he arrived early we had our childminder and a friend both lined up to have DS1.

My mil came over.
We had to leave before she got there with Number 4 but my neighbour popped over. He was the only one born during the day.
I couldn’t have gone in my own as needed dh to drive me there as I didn’t drive at the time.
I would do it for a neighbour or friend, assuming my husband wasn’t away. And even then if they were desperate I’d just take mine with me.
Why won’t your husband let a friend care for them? Not having to Their own children isn’t a reason. Plenty of teenagers babysit after all. What’s his solution?

So many typos...

That’s the thing @TheWomanTheyCallJayne - he’s saying no to other suggestions but isn’t offering any himself

You will have enough on your mind. Tell him to sort out the childcare in advance and let you know what he's arranged so you can tick it off your list.

Luckily, DD2 was a planned c section and a day where DD1 was at the childminder anyway, so DH could collect her and bring her to meet her new baby sister.

If that hadn't have been the case, my DM had her own business at the time, so she could have rearranged things and left things to her business partner so she could have come down to take care of DD1.

I know we were lucky that things worked out!