Having it all?

[Florriebo]

Hi parents,
I’m just after a bit of advice from anyone who might be able to help or who has been in a similar position.I am in talks with somebody about a possible new job.I have 3 young children and work part time as a Speech Therapist.I love my current job but at times it can be stressful and I don’t think I’ve ever got to grips with juggling all the housework alongside work and trying to be a good mummy.The house is a bit untidy,I feel like I have so much in my head to remember that things just seem to fall out and I am just not as sharp as I was pre-kids.The new role is more specialist -it’s still part time but would involve extra study and lots of time spent thinking through clinical decisions etc. I’m really interested in it but I’m just not sure if I should stay in my current more comfortable role and be the best mum I can be or shoot for more career success + bit more ££ (which we could really do with) but at the possible expense of being there for my kids,really present I mean and not checking emails at home or thinking about a thousand things I need to do for work.Has anyone taken a similar career jump and benefitted? Or wished they hadn’t? Tia.

Watching with interest as I've just been offered a new job which gives me exactly the same dilemma.

I'm erring on the side of taking the job, in a short term pain, long term gain sort of way, but I'm really worried about the impact on the kids.

Having it all = doing it all.

I became very ill with a chronic illness a couple of years ago. Luckily I've almost completely recovered but I now can't rush around and work 12 hour days.

I've got a new job which is very local, part time, requires no childcare and has less responsibility. Embracing a simpler life for my health and for family balance.

Take the job.

How old are your dc & how pt is it? Is it a long commute, etc?

I would be tempted to take it, having said that I could earn more money than my current role but it would be full time & more responsibility which I think would be too much as I still have one not in school. But I do earn ok considering my hours & importantly have progression in my current role. I'm looking at studying in the next yr though & know I could manage it.

Would your husband have similar concerns? Doubt it, because men consider their careers first.

Take the job, tell husband he'll have to start doing his half. Actual half.

I'd say money isn't everything and your kids only need you for a small portion of their life say 0-16 years. If you're already struggling, more responsibility at work will impact on them. If you have a gut feeling go with that. Whatever you decide, good luck x

Where’s the kids’ dad in all this? If you need the extra money now, you’ll really need it when they are teenagers. I would go for it, after further talks with your partner.

I would not take the job. Working life with DC is stressful enough. If you think this job would add to that stress I wouldn't go for it. Your DC are young once. It isn't short term pain for long term gain. It's a loss you'll not get back. There will be plenty of time for more stressful, time consuming jobs when they are older but not for reliving their childhood. Some men do take this into consideration. All parents make choices. It's just making sure you make the right choice for you.

I'd say money isn't everything and your kids only need you for a small portion of their life say 0-16 years.

And the OP's loss of 16 years of salary, promotions, workplace experience, skillset, pension? I've lost track of how many women on Mn say they've lost confidence after a few years at home, quite apart from those who have no independent finances and are terrified of leaving unhappy relationships on financial grounds.

Could the increased salary pay for extra help? Whether that's a gardener, cleaner, recipe boxes to make cooking easier, dog walker (if applicable!) etc.

I found that removing done of the daily drudge jobs meant that I was able to prioritise what I felt was important.

I was recently in a similar position and I took the job. Have two DC, nearly four and nearly two and had a three-day a week local job at a HEI which to be honest, was below my skill level and I was pretty much coasting. Was very laid-back and going to work was very much a break.

Was invited to apply for a few grades above internal promotion and I ummed and ahhed about giving up the relatively stress-free job for the sake of bettering my CV, about £220/month extra and potentially a bit more stability (both are fixed-term but there's more chance of the higher grade job being made permanent). Was advertised as a full-time job but when I was invited to apply, it was made clear that the better candidate would get the job even if they were part-time.

Long story short, got the job and accepted on a 0.6 basis. It is more stressful and busy and I've only been doing it for a couple of weeks and I've had to do an hour's work in the evening on a couple of occasions... But it's much more interesting and dynamic and has made me happier overall. I still am quite good at compartmentalising so I don't (so far!) tend to worry about it when I'm with the children. I think also it will settle down a bit once everyone is used to the changed dynamics and I get more used to the work.

For me it was a bit of a no-brainer as I didn't want to do any more than 0.6 and good part-time jobs are so rare. It's meant that I can still better my career but still only work three days.

Oh and I'm no better at juggling the housework etc but that's the situation regardless of which job I was in 🤷

Oh and it obviously is still very local as in the same organisation.. I gave up a similar-level job with a four-hour + round trip commute after my second maternity leave as that would have had a bigger impact on the children.

Take the job, tell husband he'll have to start doing his half. Actual half.

This.

Yep. This will only work if your DH pulls his weight.
A man wouldn’t think twice about taking the job.

I get it, I stepped back because my DH wouldn’t do the 50%. Mainly because he was travelling but everything fell to me and I couldn’t cope. I regret not putting my foot down and I do regret sacrificing my career.

Take it. You will have plenty of people telling you that oh you will never get those times back and children are small only for a short time. But believe me, there are also plenty of women regretting they let interesting opportunities pass them by, and are stuck in a boring unfulfilling job for the rest of their life.

Thank you so much for all your responses.It’s given me lots to think about.I’m erring on the side of taking it.DC are 3,6 and 8 and husband thinks I should go for it.He works full time and does do some bits around the house.I think it would have to mean a few changes.It’s only a few extra hours then I am currently doing and a longer commute but it’s the added stress of learning lots of new things that I’m hoping I can deal with. I love the idea of a cleaner a couple of hours a week!