To miss someone I barely knew?

[Ifonly86]

12 years ago my neighbour from my childhood home passed away unexpectedly from a horrific work accident. He was only 22. We didn’t spend a lot of time together but we saw each other a lot due to being neighbours and would speak regularly, but weren’t close by any means, both shy introvert types and Different friend crowds etc. I had a huge crush on him all through my teen years which didn’t develop into anything happening between us but I never stopped having strong feelings for him. We both moved out of our parents houses so lost touch and barely saw each other before he passed. 12 years on I still think about him every day and wonder if anything could have happened between us, probably a lot of regret of wishing I just told him how I felt and wondering if he ever felt the same or not. I thought I’d move on eventually but I’ve never been in love before. I’m once again finding myself crying over him and feel stupid because we don’t have any memories as such, I didn’t go to the funeral and I don’t know his friends and family personally only his parents who moved away shortly after. Is this normal? How can I stop feeling like this? Therapy/ counselling seems a bit ott and I feel embarrassed talking about it to anyone but close friends (a couple of them knew him and said it’s sad but not the end of the world, so they don’t get it). I don’t want to forget about him I just don’t want to spend my whole life wondering and feeling regret knowing I’ll never get the answers. Any advice please?

Forgot to add we’d been neighbours since 8 years old

That's a really sad story. OP. Don't feel embarrassed if you need to seek some support or talk to someone about how you're feeling.

I have a similar story, a friend who was older than me who I really looked up to, died unexpectedly a few years ago. It really hit me, even although we weren’t overly close. I was already seeing a counsellor for something unrelated and brought it up with her one day. She told me to write a letter to my friend, telling her all the things I wanted to tell her and regretted not telling her. I have to say I cried my eyes out at the time and for a few weeks I felt worse about it but then gradually started to feel better. I still have moments now but mostly I’m able to look back on our time together and smile at the happy memories we shared. I think for me because I really looked up to her, I had created this ideal of what she was like, almost like a mother figure. So it wasn’t just the loss of her that upset me, it was the loss of everything that she represented. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it really is heart wrenching.

Counselling is absolutely appropriate in this situation. Give yourself permission to talk it through with someone and heal.

Thank you for your kind messages and sorry you have been through it too Driving.
I wouldn’t know where to start with counselling and how to word it. I feel terribly guilty for his family and like I don’t have the right to feel the same as we just played together as kids and nothing more.
I guess I just needed to let it out and rant as it’s hard for me to say out loud. I appreciate the support.