Relationship woes

[Nocluesue87]

Hi, this is my first time on here so I’m not really too sure how it works but I’m hoping there may be people out there who can give me an unbiased opinion on a situation I have going on.
I have to start by saying I know this is completely a ‘1st world problem’ and I’m embarrassed to even be talking about this.
I got in a relationship about 4 years ago, at that time my boyfriend had his own property, as did I. As the relationship went on it seemed silly to be paying for 2 households and so we made the natural decision to move in together. He had a flat and I had a house, so there wasn’t really any questioning on either part that he would move in with me. Things all went well and we got married last year.
So here is the tricky part, I’m really fortunate to not have a mortgage. I, along with a big help from my dad, bought my first house outright. So my husband and I only have to pay food and bills every month.
The issue now is that after 2 years of living together my now husband is trying to decide what to do with the money from the sale of his flat... which is a fair chunk of money. This is where we are falling out.
I think that he should hold on to that money as when the time comes for having children etc. we will need to move to a bigger house, with a bigger garden etc. Which realistically is 2 or 3 years time.
However, his idea is that he buys his own flat, in his name to rent out so he can have an extra income. He says that he wants to have his own place that he has full control of as our house is technically ‘my house’... although I dispute this as now we’re married it’s 50/50.
He knows my Dad is financially well off and expects that if we did move then he would pay for it (as he has done with my siblings) but I really don’t like that sense of entitlement. And I feel like if he has money to contribute, then he should. Not simply let my dad pay for somewhere for him to live.
So basically I see it as him being a bit of a brat and wanting to have his cake and eat it to.
He however, sees it completely differently, which is what I am really struggling to understand. He has basically said it’s his money, he’s going to do what he wants. I’m not really sure what to say to that?

Please help! Am I being unreasonable or is he?

Agree. You should go to your father and ask him not to give you any money that would become assets of the marriage. You might need an escape ticket at some point. Tell your DH that as he is being so tight, you won't be accepting any money from your father in future.
OP - imagine how your DH would treat you if you were on maternity leave and had no income? Years of being financially controlled by a tight arse.

it really makes me feel used. I’ve told him that and he doesn’t get it

Please understand, he does get it, but isn't budging because with money he isn't a nice or fair person.

He is entitled as EVERY adult knows a £100 isn't an acceptable contribution. You are being used and your feelings are valid.

Can you force him to be a decent person?? I don't think so.

If you have children you risk your assets as likely to be split 50:50. It is what a court would award, irrespective of you owning the house before. Judges determine that marriage join assets so therefore it is fair to split equally on divorce. Your father could place a charge over your property to safeguard some equity.

He does get it. He absolutely does.

You say he's lovely apart from the money issue? No. It's not "just" a money issue. What it actually is is a display of him being selfish, uncaring, entitled, not seeing you as his equal, not planning for a joint future and being disingenuous enough to pretend he really thinks £100 a month is ample contribution.

He sounds like a bit of a cunt tbh.

I'm trying to be really fair minded about this as I think I would feel insecure if the house I lived in was in my partner's name only. If it were just about that, I would say that it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to want a property in his own name too for a sense of security, on the understanding that if and when you needed to buy a bigger house, you were either to sell both houses and buy in both your names or keep one to rent out, put both houses in both your names and use the income to pay any mortgage or joint household bills.

That would be pretty reasonable.

He is not entitled to expect your father to buy you both a bigger house (total CF); he is not entitled to freeload off you re household bills and food (get him to do the so for both of you from the joint account - you both put in the same and he can bloody well top up anything else that's needed so he gets the message!).

Honestly, this is supposed to be a marriage. If his attitude to the income from a flat is that it's "his" money while he's living free with you courtesy of your generous father then I absolutely support the poster who said to start charging him rent. After all, it's "your" house (according to him!)

Think carefully before having children with this man, seriously.

OP, I'd get rid, tbh. This bloke is a cocklodger, seeing you and your dad as his meal ticket.

So, he's reduced his food contribution saying hell psy if you go out. How often do you go out? Does he come up with excuses to avoid going out?

I reckon he'll try reducing his contribution even more, seeing as you appear to have sucked it up so far. Is he still paying 50/50 on your other bills? All of them?

Sorry, I dont think you've got a keeper here.