Do you ever think about the provenance of things for sale in charity shops? (could be upsetting)

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I often see items in charity shops and wonder about the situations that led to them being there. Some of them must be sad and others probably amusing.

Most stuff is straightforward - outgrown baby things and toys, clothes that people have replaced with new items or which no longer fit, upgraded electricals, unwanted gifts etc.

But I was doing a charity shop trawl the other day and, among other things, there was a lovely soft little teddy bear with "I love Daddy" written across his tummy and a '50th Wedding Anniversary' picture frame - quite a nice one too - although it had the 'stock' picture in there and hadn't apparently been used; unless it had and the personal photo had since been removed before donating or even by the shop staff themselves before displaying.

I've also seen other one-of-a-kind personalised items that one would have expected to mean something very special to the owners or to their descendants - not talking about generic tat taken off the rack in the gift shop with the top 20 kids' names printed on, but things engraved with a person's name and '40 years' service at XXX company' and the like. Obviously only worth a couple of quid at most to anybody unconnected.

I think the same about things that come up on eBay or for auction as well - such as this from a few days ago - a man who was awarded a very special medal, but now needs the money: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-51383434. It seems sad to me that somebody with plenty of money will end up owning it, even though it will hold no personal memories at all for them and will surely bring them much less joy than the man who was specifically awarded it. Also, this story from November about a man selling his late father's much-loved teddy: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-stoke-staffordshire-50574030

Maybe I overthink things and maybe some people are just pragmatic about 'stuff'. Perhaps some of the personal items came from deceased people with no family and an anonymous house clearance company has swept their former home and already sold anything valuable.

Am I the only one - just a pathetic, sentimental old fool - or have other people pondered this? Or have you given something to a charity shop that might have caused people to wonder the same? Did you find it hard to part with but needed the space, easy to offload something that had become a burden or held painful/mixed memories or just thought "I don't want this clutter" and didn't give it a second thought?

I go to my local charity shop frequently. They sell all sorts there, from clothing, footwear, coats, to frames, art, lamps, old computer monitors, baskets, china, curtains, you name it.

Among the items DD3 and I found there last time we had a mosey were old trophies from the 80s, 90s and 00s with names of participants, leagues, and sports engraved on them, a beautiful, delicate pink and gold cup and saucer, many lovely sets of 'good' plates, sets of glasses, a clearly well-loved Little Tykes ice cream van, and frames that still had real photos in them.

I see a good deal of clothing with name tags inside, names like 'Doris P', 'June L', 'Herbert W', obviously owned by residents of a nursing home.

I often buy books there - one in particular (Mexican recipes) had an inscription "Love and margaritas, Bert' in a splendid, flowery hand. I got the impression that Bert would have been a lot of fun after a few margaritas. Inside the book there was an old photo of a young woman with a Gibson girl hairdo, a Miss Schmidt apparently (according to the penciled name on the back).

Every single thing says something about someone else's life. The cherished china from several decades ago really gets to me, and also old pyrex dishes, punch bowls and cups. I wonder all the time if they came from happy homes or homes marred by disillusion and despair.

.............
How horrible of your ex, Livingthedream12345

This thread has made me want to go on a charity shop trawl. I buy lots of old books and the occasional item of clothes. I love it that stuff gets a new lease of life.

Before I take books to the charity shop, I check it wasn't a gift with someone writing on one of the first pages. I found a Rupert annual once with "To darling Sam with all my love, Grandma xxx "written inside it, and I found that sad.I guess some are donated by mistake, without checking.

I love charity shops and I'm quite practical about the stuff I buy. Not too sentimental. However, I remember going through small jewellery boxes in an auction house. Little boxes with jewellery, precious photos and notes inside. I felt that I was looking into someone's special memories and there was nobody left (or who cared) to hold and cherish them. So sad.

Before I take books to the charity shop, I check it wasn't a gift with someone writing on one of the first pages. I found a Rupert annual once with "To darling Sam with all my love, Grandma xxx "written inside it, and I found that sad.I guess some are donated by mistake, without checking.

I feel the same, but it sounds like a lot of folk wouldn't be bothered about that anyway. I'm not saying that they're wrong and I'm right, we're just different. You and I will think "But that was a beautiful gift, picked out specially for me and given with love by my cherished Grandmother"; others will think "That was very kind of her and I loved it so much when I was 8, but I'm 34 now, so it's time to move on and enjoy the present instead".

Some people possibly don't care about memories, but maybe, for many, they feel they don't need to keep the tangible item when the memory is safely locked in their head.

After all, the whole concept of nostalgia (and it's very name) stems from the belief that it was/is some form of illness, being caught up with the past and unable to move on with life.

I do find it remarkable, though, with things like concert and theatre tickets, where you could keep hundreds of them in a little shoebox and use them to remind yourself and relive all of those great memories for years to come. I wouldn't dream of getting rid of them, but lots of people just bin them as soon as the concert is finished, as to them, it's done its job and is now worthless ephemera.

Somebody else commented on the thread about things you resent having to pay for that they had to replace £50 in their child's Christmas card that they (the poster) had thrown out, without checking. Even I don't keep cards from neighbours and old work colleagues and the like, but I'd have thought that, if somebody is giving you £50, they're probably quite an important person in your life.

I suppose it's often two distinct mindsets, depending on your personal perspective: do these items help to preserve old memories or do they just clutter up and get in the way of being able to make new ones?

For some people, it's not even just physical clutter but 'mind clutter', where they delete all emails as soon as they've read them, even though they aren't taking up any physical space or more than a tiny insignificant fraction of your hard drive.

I'm semi-randomly reminded by a comment that Johnny Vegas made once in an episode of Shooting Stars: "I buy second-hand jumpers and make up my own memories!"

This is one of my favourite possessions. Tess is my favourite book anyway and I have a few copies, but I found this edition in a charity shop about ten years ago and fell in love with it. I often wonder who Elsie and Margaret were - sisters, friends? - and how old they were. I imagine them exchanging gifts on Christmas Day 1946, dressed in their festive finery. It was clearly well loved and had been read often when it came to me, so I like to think that it was a cherished gift. And now I cherish it, because it's beautiful.

On the whole, I find second-hand/used items with their own history so much more interesting than brand new ones bought from a shelf of 50 identical box-fresh ones.

Not including pants.

Same here, WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I have over 3,000 e-mails in my inbox, stretching all the way back to when I first set up the address

BoccaBaciata feeling more than a little book envy. (And I love handwriting done with a fountain pen).

Some of these items may have been donated by another business as unsold stock

I have no children, nieces or nephews and am not in touch with wider family, so when I die there will be absolutely no one to leave sentimental items to - realistically they will end up in a charity shop or similar. If I'm lucky enough to know when I'm on my way out I'll sell anything of value and blow the cash on fags, booze and caviar.

I have over 3,000 e-mails in my inbox, stretching all the way back to when I first set up the address

My DH has over a million with hundreds of thousands unread. He has not melted and email since 1994. He says it will be an archive for the nation (joking)

It's the photos that get to me a bit (though more often found in vintage shops or stalls than charity shops).

Oddly enough I love old books with inscriptions in though. I like to wonder who the people were.

Crappy teddies like that abound and are the opposite of precious IMO!

This made me feel unbearably sad.
How many early morning cups of tea had they seen? Or commiserating cups when something went wrong.
If cups could talk...

The thing is, if someone gave us those personalised mugs, they would be straight down the charity shop. We have enough mugs that we like already. When we decluttered to move house I decided I would just let go anything like that even if it was a kindly meant present, if I wasn't going to use it.

So many ofthese things were wedding presents and kept "for best". I desperately try not to keep things for best because they just never get used. If they're nice, get them out and use them.

I know that if you're in council housing, you have a week to clear a house after someone dies so you really haven't got the time to be sentimental, and generally have a house of your own stuff.

That grandfather cushion sounds like the sort of thing where one got made for all the grandchildren, without actually checking whether all the grandchildren wanted one. Good on them for having the guts to say no, I don't want this, and to donate it.

Good on them for having the guts to say no, I don't want this, and to donate it.

But who would want to buy it in a charity shop?! It’s not their grandad, it’s clearly made for someone else from someone else’s dead grandfather’s shirt. Why put it into a charity shop?

I like to go to antique & vintage fairs.
When I visited Krakow recently I went to the Jewish Quarter & saw some stalls run by some older Polish men, I was really excited, but then upset by some of what was for sale...
Lots of old silver menorahs & other old Jewish silver artifacts that had probably come from murdered Jewish families. That was not pleasant to see.
How had this stuff come into the possession of these old men?

However also lots of war memorabilia- medals, nazi, Soviet & Polish badges, also daggers & caps.
What happened to the men they belonged to I wonder?
I felt like saying to the old men they should ebay the militaria as they would make lots more money online than standing in the cold all day waiting for the few tourists.

In the end I bought some photos of people from the early 20th century & Ww2.
One photo I thought was a Polish soldier but turns out it's a ww2 nazi soldier.
I wonder what happened to the people in the photos - & how their lives ended.

I won't lie - it was far more interesting than the English antique fairs I go to but left me with an uneasy feeling too.

Sorry that wasn't about charity shops exactly....

It's the well loved, slightly battered teddies that get me.

I picked up a beautiful children's picture book about New York in a charity shop. As I flicked through I saw there was an inscription "to X with all our love from Nanna and Gramps, because New York was where we first met you". It made me incredibly sad because the message was only dated about three years ago. I put it back in case it had been given by mistake - the idea that a present with (apparently) so much love behind it could be rejected upset me. But I cry at strangers reuniting in stations and airports, so am probably overthinking things...

I found it heartbreaking when my daughter announced that she didn't want her dolls house any more and would rather have the carpet space in her small bedroom. I remembered her falling asleep on the carpet in front of it on the night of her third birthday when she'd obviously got out of bed to have one last play. We had bought the dolls house and her grandparents and brother bought furniture for it, but it was by no means a special piece. We used to let the hamsters play in it.

I took it down to the preschool in the village (thoroughly cleaned out). Within five seconds of us putting it on the floor, four little girls and one boy were sitting in front of it, taking out the furniture and dolls and rearranging them. It was the best sight ever!

The trouble is so many children will have hundreds of gifts given “with love” over the years. If you kept every single one you’d be over-run! Especially at a young age where children will quickly outgrow certain toys or books. Surely it’s better to give it to a charity shop where you know it will do some good, give another child joy, and also free up space for more well loved toys?

I did a clear out of a load of my childhood teddies a year or so ago. I felt so good being able to give them to a women’s refuge knowing they were giving joy to children again instead of sat in a box in my parents house. My grandma got so much satisfaction out of donating my grandfather’s clothes after he had passed; it really helped her with the grieving process knowing it had gone to a charity dear to their hearts.

I do struggle with holding onto stupid tat for sentimental reasons but I am trying to be better.

I do think some people are overthinking the “beloved, personalised” stuff though. Most of it is probably stuff that was bought as a gift, never used, and chucked in the charity shop as soon as was polite.

I'm really pragmatic about stuff and I hate personalised stuff. After our wedding I donated about 10 picture frames to charity which had wedding day, love etc on them. Same after we had kids, loads of first birthday, day I was born, daddy's little man etc on teddies and photo frames. They just aren't for me.

My mum keeps everything. After a conversation with me and my sister (who are very similar to each other with regards to stuff) and after having to clear out my grandparents house she's started to get rid of stuff of hers too. I think she realises the burden it would be on others.