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Original poster

Teenager won't stop texting my OH

62 replies

Imagiro · 11/02/2020 22:09

Hi all.... please be kind!

AIBU - my partner's 18 year old messages my OH CONSTANTLY ( Between 300-500 messages a day - seriously ). I don't see this as any of my business - other than we don't get the chance to do the basic stuff ( ie eat ) uninterrupted. She messages whilst she is in the same room even! And if my OH doesn't reply immediately she 'prank' messages until she gets a reply.
I feel unkind for seeing it as a problem - but its driving me mad!

OP posts:
comesavemenow · 11/02/2020 22:52

He is the one who needs to set boundaries with his daughter. It's ridiculous even if it is not 300-500 messages but rather less. She needs to be told that
1- No unnecessary texts
2- Dad will respond when he is free unless it's urgent
3- No phones/texts during meal times
4- If the person is in the room then you should speak to them directly rather than texting them. A text in this instance will not get a response.

and tell your partner to mute his phone sometimes so that he is not bothered by unnecessary texting.

SurvivingCBeebies · 11/02/2020 22:53

My teen did this to me. I blocked her number for an hour after each spam... this however is his issue to deal with.

Electrical · 11/02/2020 23:08

Well you both could easily go about your day uninterrupted, your boyfriend could just mute his notifications or check them twice a day.
Your title makes it sound like a child is trying to flirt with your boyfriend or something.

BlankTimes · 11/02/2020 23:13

Discuss with husband and decide what is acceptable, amount of texts per day, frequency, timings. Make sure you agree a watertight schedule between the two of you.

Sit down all together.

Ask her why she feels the need to behave like that.

Whatever her answer, be sympathetic and say it's not acceptable and from now on she has to [state what you and DH agreed].
Form a united front, don't back down.

SalmonOfKnowledge · 11/02/2020 23:16

All the people saying teens wouldn't do this! My teens have done it. Not repeatedly but they've both ''spammed'' me until I agreed to something or answered them, or gave them a password or whatever...

OP, it sounds a nightmare. Ask your husband if you have to text him too! Text him ''you dinner's in the dog [smiley face]''

Why does he feel he has to answer if they're in the same house!

Lagrime · 11/02/2020 23:19

I do sympathise, OP. My DC2 (16) does this. I don't have a smartphone, and am not hands-free, so couldn't reply if I'm in the car even if I wanted to. She knows this.

She has to learn that I can not and will not reply if I am driving/in a meeting. If she sends me a text and says it's urgent, I will drop everything to call her back. I do stop if I'm driving, to check who has rung me. If it's DC2 I text her, telling her to text me back or to leave a message, and I say her that I will ring her back it if it is urgent.

But it had better be urgent, or I will be very fed up. I will not respond to repeated texts just saying "Mummyyyyyyyyyyyyy", etc. They are never, ever urgent.

DecemberSnow · 11/02/2020 23:20

He needs to out his phone on silent and ignore. Simple.

DecemberSnow · 11/02/2020 23:20

#Put... Not "out"

Oulu · 11/02/2020 23:32

What does your partner think about this?

I'd suggest getting a phone contract with a limited amount of texts.

VenusTiger · 11/02/2020 23:40

How long have you been with OH @Imagiro? Sounds like she's trying to cause a big issue/argument between you. Does she like you?

GlummyMcGlummerson · 11/02/2020 23:42

OP did you purposefully put an misleading title onto your thread?

Demigoddess90 · 11/02/2020 23:45

There’s clearly issues here with their relationship and her perception of her father’s feelings towards her. That’s really sad. Your OH needs to try and fix whatever has gone wrong and help her feel more secure and loved. She’s crying out for attention

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo · 11/02/2020 23:57

Agree with all the above advice - she may have issues and is needy and you need to address.

Just to add that for us older people Grin there is a weird tendency for youngsters to text or message really short bits at a time and hit send in between, so a single message for use could be 8 separate sentences of three words each, which teenagers find normal. (I find really annoying as I reply half way through and then realise they haven't finished...)!

E.g. I've lost my shirt. // I lent it to a friend //she is on holiday // can I borrow your blue one // are you about at 5pm?

Could she be doing that and making everything seem even worse than it is? It's a whole different world...….

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo · 11/02/2020 23:58

us not use...….

VenusTiger · 12/02/2020 00:06

@xoxoxoxo it's annoying when you press 'Enter' and it sends what you've typed so far instead of starting a new paragraph

doritosdip · 12/02/2020 00:19

Doesn't she have friends to text? My dd seems to be constantly messaging people but I suspect it's nowhere near 500.

NoSquirrels · 12/02/2020 00:20

Your title and opening post are odd.

That said, it sounds annoying but at 18, it is either some sort of additional needs issue, or attention-seeking.

Has your DP addressed it with her? No clue from your posts what he's said to her about it.

Loveablers · 12/02/2020 00:35

@february08baby

Don’t be so rude. Did you even bother to read the full post and the OP’s replies? She wasn’t exaggerating at all

SleightOfMind · 12/02/2020 00:38

She’s clumsily signalling that she needs more attention from him.

Does she get time on her own with him (where he’s not constantly on his phone)?

kateandme · 12/02/2020 00:44

i dont understand this.bcause if on average a text a munute thats 8 hours a day she is texting him.not possible.or if it is then she has something wrong.
i cant even get my head around this issue.

kateandme · 12/02/2020 00:46

has she additional needs.sending v over and over again 500 a day.i just cant make sense of this otherwise because i dont know any 18 year old that would think this was ok

FagashJackie · 12/02/2020 00:54

If my dc was sending me that many messages I think I would listen to them.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/02/2020 01:17

First thought was that she feels she has no one but him, which at her age is very worrying.

Stop being pissed off and try to find out why she feels she needs to do this. At no point should you tell her to stop because she will when whatever is causing this is sorted out.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 12/02/2020 01:18

My DD does this sometimes when I don’t respond straight away to something she needs an answer for:

Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
Mum
MUM
MUM
MUM
MUM
Please
Mum
M
U
M
M
U
M

Etc.

So 300+ isn’t an exaggeration!

No advice though as she only does it sometimes and she knows she’s being annoying, that’s why she does it Grin

Could be shes needing more attention from her dad?

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/02/2020 01:18

And I am not a Step mother basher ( please check my extensive history if you like) but I cant help thinking that you are fed up because she is demanding his time that you feel should be yours. She is his DD, she must always come first.