How do I become a better person? For my kids.

[makemesuper]

I've been thinking, and I'm not totally happy with the person that I am. The mother I am, or the wife I am.
How do you pull yourself out of the rut when life doesn't pause for one second. I find myself sitting there, not wanting to play with my kids right now, because I'm just tired. Physically and emotionally.
I have a good life. Funny smart amazing kids. A good husband. My family are amazing.

However I feel like I have no motivation. No motivation to clean, to cook, to play. My thoughts get away with me sometimes, I'm constantly thinking of something I should do, something that would help make life easier if only I applied a bit more effort. But it doesn't last long.

I feel like that - what helps is exercise, marginal gains so small wins like achieving a personal best run or doing more yoga, spending time with my friends (mine, not family friends) and really good comedy. Mindfulness helps - sounds trite but gratitude is an incredible emotion.
Could you be depressed?
I bet you’re being hard on yourself, your kids love you and to then you are the bomb!

Ps. I find playing with kids really boring. How old are yours?

That sounds like how I feel with ADHD - have you ever looked into this? I don't have the hyperactive type but what they call the inattentive type.

Do you also get pulled into the computer/phone a lot? I find I feel more like this the less "connected to real life" I am.

I have had depression in the past, I don't think I feel like that now.
Yes I guess I feel disconnected sometimes. And the others I honestly feel like I may burst into tears when I think about how much I love the bones of my gorgeous babies.
They're 5 and 1. Just sometimes there's only so much colouring I can do- and then I feel guilty for not wanting to do it!
I've recently been off work since before Xmas as my son was in hospital. Only just gone back to work, so maybe it's routine I'm missing. But I know when I was in work, I'd come home then feel bad that I didn't want to play/colour etc

I've found putting my phone away has helped massively. When I get in with DC from school I pop phone up on a bookcase. I might find it again when I go up to bed to put on charge. I feel far more in the moment with them by doing this.

@gaffamate
Yes! I absolutely need to do this! It's always there it's just so easy to pick up every few minutes!

No one likes colouring, it's very very boring when my DD asks me I always stick on a radio 4 panel show in the background so I can entertain myself a bit too.

Also parents in the 80s never did colouring. Fact.