I think I need some advice on my boundaries. I am quite a empathetic person. A friend is going through a really rough patch and we talk on the phone. I offered to pick them up and take them out as a treat as it’s been a while since we last met face to face. I said I would set a few possible day aside in case they wasn’t up for it on the day.
So the evening before I checked they would be ok, they replied a few hours later saying could they let me know on the day. I said fine. No problem. But then they didn’t get back to me on the day until really late.
I had a old friend that constantly did stuff like cancel me at the last moment and it really upset me. I have tried to up my boundaries and not let people do that to me anymore. I like being supportive and some people take the piss.
I don’t think this current friend is a piss taker, but when I hadn’t heard anything the morning of the meet up another mate asked me out so I met up with them for a coffee, So in reality no loss.
But am I being unfair to feel that I don’t really want to take the original friend out now to cheer her up? What about the aspect of my feelings and not letting me know in a reasonable time it wasn’t going ahead? I feel like I should be thinking ‘oh well her loss’ but I feel like a cow. Like I’m too forgiving or I’m being a bitch? I’m not sure which.
I want to avoid flakey people but maybe just a one off is harsh? But hours late to get back to me on the day? Surely they presumed I was waiting around for their decision?