Mums n Sons - Can a step parent ever be right?

[PoppinCandi]

There is no bond stronger than a mum and her son? Maybe / maybe not?

Can a step dad ever be right or must they simply face the fact that - no matter what - in a mums eyes her son (although knowingly wrong) - can do no wrong...?

Although wrong - will quickly be forgiven with little or no reprimand and boundaries removed...?

And that intervention will only prove to belittle said stepdad - rendered useless...

What? I can get pretty furious with my son. He sure can do a hell of a lot wrong.
I was step mother to two boys. They were almost teens when I met them. So I was never really a mother figure to them.
So it depends on what age the stepdad met his stepchild. But no I don't agree that a son can do no wrong in his mother's eyes, but a step parents role will be tend to once removed unless they were involved from a very young age.

I think the stepchild is a red herring here, this sounds like mum and stepdad are having relationship issues here...

If a stepchild is so manipulative and controlling of their mother that they literally can walk all over them - and yet when confronted by others trying to support said mum - the mum simply backs down - what message does that send to said child?

I dont think this is just mums and sons. A lot of parents will get defensive of their child when someone else pulls them up on bad behaviour. Its not right but it is common.

Agree that this isn't specifi to sons. A parent will normally always be far more tolerant of their own children's behaviour. I know this from both sides of the fence. My DH is wound off the clock by my DS , thinks I am far too soft. Likewise my DH sees his dc as practically perfect in every way and never pulls them up on stuff he would have had a pop about to me about my kids.

'It's the way of the world. As parents we put our kids first and makes negotiating new relationships really hard... be patient ... it does get better !

I have a much more relaxed attitude towards parenting than my partner. He and my son clash more now DS is nearly 18.

DP is quite strict over things such as always having a tidy room but I am more lenient as DS has dyspraxia and is quite disorganised as a person. DS does well in school, is courteous and always lets me know where he is or if he is late coming home. He has never been in any kind of trouble. He is however temperamental and I pick my battles with him as we are both of a stubborn disposition. I also find the "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" allegory more effective with DS. If DP tells him off and demands DS clean his room it inevitably causes an atmosphere but if I pop my head around DS's door and say lightly "hey its a bit manky in here can you give it a clean this afternoon love" the result is a clean room without any drama.

It can often be a difference in parenting styles but it can equally a parent being protective or more tolerant of their DC as they are generally unconditionally loved and a priority. A step parent may see a child walking all over a parent but the parent may see it quite differently. Communication is the key but if the step parent approaches the issue incorrectly the parent may not only view it as a criticism of their child but also a criticism of their parenting so will often be naturally defensive.

I think you and the mum should split up. She's not going to take criticism of her son well. She obviously thinks he's wonderful and that won't change.